


I don't want my freedom

by hudsteith



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But it'll be cheating, Fluff and Angst, M/M, mixed POVs, not between them, some cheating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2019-11-07 14:11:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 67,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17962073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hudsteith/pseuds/hudsteith
Summary: ...there's no reason for living with a broken heart.





	1. Tricky situation

**Author's Note:**

> @unicorndeaky on twitter
> 
> hudsteith on tumblr

It was already the third time Roger was masturbating that week. That annoyed him, because he liked to masturbate for fun, not for need. And in the current situation it was what he'd do. He felt like a teenage virgin again.

The band had agreed to isolate themselves on a farm to make a new album, with the audacity of mixing rock n roll and opera. Freddie was more than happy creating this album that was already a son to him. Roger was loving doing something different, putting liquids and coins on the drums, to make a odd sound, and he had big hopes for this album. Maybe they'd finally take off their career.

But the idea itself of being isolated from the world wasn't very pleasant to the drummer. That means no parties, no loud, and no girls. And that was getting Roger out of his mind, he didn't know how addicted he was to that lifestyle until his abstinence period. He loved the London nightlife and all of it, like the unpretentious talking and easy smiles he took from girls. Roger was good to party and to be a nightman, and he was about to go crazy in a place that didn't have any of this.

And even though he loved to hang with his band mates he didn't think it'd be very good spend several days confined with them. At some point he'd fight because of some of Freddie's hysterical attacks, or would annoy Brian until his friend yelled at him or would go insane with Deaky's suffocating serenity.

Ah, _Deaky_. He hadn’t thought of him yet. At this time of night Deaky was probably reading a book in the lounge, waiting for the time to rest. He would constantly touch his long-dark hair when he was too focused on the novel he had in hands, and he didn’t even noticed that time Roger observed him all night long. He always marks the page he stops and says goodbye to everyone...

Roger even had considered the chance that he could have a little fun in that farm, after all. It wasn’t like he had never thought of hitting on the bassist. By the way, flirting with John is one of his favorite hobbies; Brian didn't like Roger's flirting, and Freddie could like it too much. John was a safe territory, where he could just wink at him and make a joke, and receive a sharp reply (Deaky classic). It's one of his ways he found to make a bond with the guy, for John feel himself welcome in the band, as he was the last member to join it.

But now, with nothing to do and with no one to fool around with...The blond thought he'd give a step forward his flirt. Not that John was someone undesirable, no. In the apex of his twenty-three years, Deaky was in good shape, with long-skinny legs, soft skin and he likes to use pretty tight clothes, which emphasized the bassist's predicates. It's almost wrong to not hit on John, because he was there, so accessible.

Roger would be lying if he said that he remembered how John got into their life, but he remembered with perfection the first time he saw him playing bass. In that time Roger thought he was as good as the Smile's former bassist, Tim, maybe even better, when he got used with the Queen style. And, then, had the first show with John. See him in the stage playing made something burn up in the drummer, and Roger was just behind John, with a vision he loved; a great angle, in the blond's opinion.

And since then Roger started to notice John more: the way the youngest talked, with a smooth tone, that he looked at the ceiling every time he got bored, how he bit his tongue when he was lost in his own thoughts. And, for reasons that Roger didn't know, those tiny details got him more horny for the youngest. He’d never seen Deaky completely naked, but he had already seen him only in his panties and he could say he liked what he saw. 'A fine piece of meat', Roger recalled he said someday to John, put down his sunglasses to wink at the brunette, who laughed.

He was laid down, having taken a bath, and jumped onto his bed. Maybe it was indeed the time to make his stay in that graceless and depressing place a little more fun. He should start his plan tomorrow morning, at the latest, and who knows until the end of the next week he already could have taken Deaky to bed. He would be faster if he hadn't had to work on songs and recording, so he didn't care to stay more days with a boner.

"This will be fun." a mischievous smile showed up on Roger's lips, before he turn off his bedroom's light and close his eyes.

  
☆

  
The day started warm and bright, and it's good to go to the pool they had, so Roger said to the other he'd go to swim.

He threw himself in the water, which was a nice temperature. A good way to relax, and Roger had a great idea for a song in that pool. But he didn't go there looking for lyrics.

And, half a hour later, he saw the result: John was going to the pool, and he took off his clothes, until wearing only trunks, walking to a chair and sitting on it. Roger had the idea to start his plan in the pool because Deaky was the one who most enjoyed the place, swimming frequently.

Roger was at the other side of the pool when John put sunglasses on and crossed his legs, apparently taking a nap. But the blond was going to interrupt, swimming till where John was and getting out of the pool. He walked to Deaky, saw that he didn't move, and got himself down, his face getting close to the bassist's ear, his lips almost brushing John's skin, and he whispered "Sunbathing, Deaky?"

"CHRIST, ROG!" John shouted, scared. "I didn't see you coming. Do you wanna kill me?"

"Relax, princess. Not my intention." Roger had a sloppy smile when John turned his face to see him, without taking off his sunglasses. "Brian and Freddie didn't want to come?"

"They were doing a music arrangement in the studio."

"Right." Roger had to take advantage that the other two weren't around. "Now tell me one thing, Deaky: why are you wearing these trunks?"

"Excuse me?"

Roger took a good look to the tiny piece of clothing the youngest was wearing. The blond knew John uses tight clothes, sometimes too small for him, but those trunks should be some kind of explicit teasing, because he could see the height it'd do in the front, and he knew there was something more delicious in the back. Nothing good for Roger's plan; he didn't want to jump steps in this conquest, and John being that way in front of him was making him want to jump. And he was already in a hurry, actually.

John is a bunch of things: an intellectual, honest, owner of a sharp sense of humour and a friendly young man, among other things. But he also didn't know how to deal with compliments, especially when they're about his physical appearance. It got worse when he was close to his band mates, for thinking himself as less pretty and less interesting. Roger's jokes were for that, to make him believe he is pretty and interesting as the other three.

"Bathing clothes are to hide things, not to show them off even more, and those trunks are not really hiding much, mate." Roger used his peachy voice to rise up the flirting. "It's practically showing everything, Deaky!"

"Are you jealous?" Deaky's playful smile showed up, when he realized it was a drummer's joke.

"Never, but it's sad there's no one here to enjoy this view." Roger's smile got bigger. "I mean no one else, because I'm enjoying _as hell_."

"So you're not jealous, but lucky." John turned his face again, pointing his nose to the sky, and raised his arms, placing his hands behind his head.

Roger was liking his plan even more than before.

"Darlings, let's get to work, yeah?" Freddie called them, holding a cup of tea.

Even though they didn't want to, Roger and Deaky obeyed the singer. John put his clothes back on while Roger exchanged his for dry ones. When the drummer went to the studio John was already there, holding his bass and his amp. Brian and Freddie were still arguing about a song.

Roger got close to John when he was testing the bass, and the youngest gave him a little smile. The blond put himself behind John, his hands over Deaky's, his face next to the bassist's. Brian looked at it.

"What is this, Rog?" questioned John, when he felt Roger's body glued to his own.

"We are a rock band, Deaky." said Roger. "You have to get a more rock n roll pose.” And Roger inclined himself to the right, John going with him, and then getting back. He did this move again, faster. And faster, faster. John laughed. "This is rock n roll. Owning the place, being bold, making people look at you." Roger said, stopping moving. And added "Not that you need that, because people already look at you, and I'm on the line too.”

John looked to Roger, and his face was dangerously close to Roger's, but maybe the bassist's lack of knowledge about the blond's plan meant he didn't realize the risk he was running to. "Thank you, Roger, to teach me how to be on a band I have been in for years." John nodded, with a ironic tone.

"Always a pleasure, but there's still much more that I can teach you." Roger winked at him.

"Boys, not that I'm not loving this...peculiar interaction of yours." begun Freddie, in the other side of the room. "Including I already imagined how it'd be you two snogging..."

"It would be a smash! Two hot guys like us..."

"But we need to make this album, so, please, keep your cocks in your panties."

 

☆

  
In the following days, Roger used every chance he had to touch John's body. Subtle touches, on the arm, on the waist, on the neck, that lasted long enough for to John note the approach. Whispers close to the ear were exchanged often, and Brian even asked them, with an amused voice, to "settle this" in the bedroom, and Roger took that to continue the whisper between them. "Look, Brian giving great ideas, Deaky. We have to enjoy this unusual moment."

But, during an extremely tired day for Roger, he noticed a hole on his plan: things are still the same. There was, indeed, more interaction between them, as Roger kept going with the same flirting. Nothing different from there: Roger makes a flirty joke, John buys it and replies and they both laugh. The bassist was so used with the drummer's habit that sometimes Deaky started with the flirting himself. But he knew that didn't pass for the oldest mocking him.

And that was the problem. John had to realize that this time wasn't _just a mock_.

Roger understood he had to be a little more _aggressive_. If he didn't do anything to wake up the brunette's attention, all his effort would be for nothing, and after they got out of that farm he wouldn't have another good chance to get into John's pants.


	2. Waiting for love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can update a chapter per week :)  
> I imagined this story to be a 3 chapters long, but my mind didn't stop, so it'll be longer...It'll be noted a difference between the first chapter with the last ones, I hope you don't mind :)  
> Enjoy!

Paul went to visit the band, bringing the food for the week, exchanging information about the album and hitting on Freddie. Since the day Roger first set his eyes on that man he didn't like him, and the way he looked at Freddie never pleased the drummer; Paul didn’t look at his friend like a person, but like a piece of meat, ready to eat flesh and bone. But Freddie was adult enough to know how to take care of himself and who he wanted to be around with.

Roger and Brian helped to put the food in the storeroom, and soon the blond saw something.

"Paul, you didn't bring any drink." pointed out Roger.

"Drink?" Paul didn't follow him.

"Beer!"

Paul just rolled his eyes, quickly making Roger pissed with him. It didn’t take much for the drummer to get annoyed with the man, and the fact he was extremely bored made his annoyance grow. Roger was even missing fighting with someone, and Paul would be a perfect choice to get in a fight with.

"This wasn't in the food list, Roger." said Paul.

"But it should’ve been! I work better when I drink." Roger was mad.

"The company can't bear the costs of those whimsies." Paul crossed his arms, irreducible.

"We are in this shitty farm in the middle of nowhere because _you_ wanted to, and now _we_ can't drink a damn beer!"

"Who knows it's time for abstinence, don't you think?"

Freddie saw Roger closing his hands into fists and breathing heavily by the nose, so he thought it was the time to step in. "Paul, lovie, we aren't asking for anything fancy, actually." Freddie got closer to Paul, sliding his hand on the man's arm. "Just some beers. Just to get our creativity free."

Paul looked to Freddie, probably debating internally if it'd worth spending a little more money to get Freddie into bed, and he took a look, up and down, to the singer. "Ok, I’ll buy beer." decided Paul. "But Ray can not know."

"Well done, darling." Freddie smiled to Paul. For some reason, Roger thought of a man complementing his own dog.

And, some hours later, the men were in the lounge, arguing if Arthur Conan Doyle had written a sexual context between Sherlock and Watson. The kind of conversation they only would have if they were really wasted.

"Waston had many wives but he never let go of Sherlock." Brian gave a loud belch, laughing after. "Sorry."

"Not sorry, Brian. Sherlock admired Irene Adler." John laid down in the sofa, his eyes closed. "He was attracted to women."

"Did you read the books?" Roger got up of the sofa, with a sudden excitement. "Watson talks about Sherlock with devotion, describes him as a lover. There's no heterosexual explanation for that!"

"I don't know you, but I'm bored." Freddie finished his beer and looked to Paul, who was on his side. "Let's go to my room, Paul."

The man stood up fast and followed Freddie, who was already climbing the stairs. The other three watched their walk, and heard the sound of a door opening and closing.

"Apparently someone is gonna shag today." commented Brian, falling on his chair and closing his eyes.

"And it won't be me." Roger sat again in the sofa, pouting.

The blond looked to the second floor with anger, and this was noticed by John. His friend was upset with something, and he knew what to do to relax him.

"Rog, come over." called John.

The drummer got closer to John, who made Roger turn his back to him, and what the blond felt next was John's hands on his shoulders and rubbing them. Roger already felt the tension going away and his body getting more relaxed. "God, Deaky, your massages are my weak spot!" claimed Roger.

"What upsets you about Freddie fucking Paul?" asked John, without prolusions.

"I don't have any problem with Freddie fucking Paul. My problem is with Paul himself." answered Roger.

"What you mean?" John pressed Roger's shoulders again.

"He's our jailor, basically. There's something about him that I...Yeah, I can't explain." Roger took a sip from his beer. It was already warm, but he drank it anyway. "I just don't like him around us, with his bad vibes."

John accepted the answer and squeezed Roger's shoulders again. The blond gave a choked gasp, making John smile.

"Deaky, how you know I like a rough squeeze?" Roger turned his face as best as he could to look to John and gave a shameless smile to the youngest. "But, you know, I prefer it in other spots of my body."

Roger rested in silence to John's reaction: he got quiet for a few seconds and then tilted his head, holding his laugh. He came closer to Roger's ear and asked "You do?"

"I do." Roger bit his lower lip slowly. "Your hands are full of talents."

"Yeah, perhaps I’ll be the only one not having sex today." Brian opened his eyes, looking to them. "I'm going to my bedroom before I see something explicit here."

The other two looked to each other and laughed. Roger saw Brian going upstairs, and he was about to suggest to John they should have the fun Brian said to them when John stood up, squeezing his shoulders for the last time, saying he was going to sleep as well, and said good night to the drummer without looking at him.

☆

  
Roger was watching John cooking in the small kitchen, humming some song that the blond didn’t recognize while he was using the knife to cut the vegetables to put them in the pot. The drummer bit his lower lip without noticing, and looked for Brian and Freddie. The guitarist was taking a nap on the sofa, snoring, and Freddie was outside the house, writing on a piece of paper, probably a new song. Roger was covered.

The blond walked to the kitchen, trying to not make any sound, and when he was behind John, he looked at the bassist, still very focused on cooking. A shameless smile lit up his face when he inspected John up and down, the bassist wearing a yellow shorts and a tight blue shirt. Roger imagined how easy it’d be to put down his shorts and...

“Hello there.” Roger whispered when he put his hands on John’s waist, resting his chin on the bassist’s shoulder. He giggled at the brunette’s reaction: John didn’t shout, but his body did a little jump, only noticeable because the drummer was close enough to see.

“Why do you like to scare me, Rog?” asked John, without looking at the blond.

“It’s just too fun.” And Roger squeezed his waist. “What are you cooking for us?”

“Just a roast. Brian is better than me, but he’s sleeping like a horse.”

“He sounds like a horse.”

John started to hum the song again, Roger watched him moving the meat to roast the other side and proving the vegetables so they were good enough. The drummer could feel the kitchen getting hot, and he never was good with the stove heat; he was too close to the fire and his body begged him to stay away from John, but he was too big-headed to blow this chance.

And maybe John didn’t like this closeness either, because he stopped the humming. “Are you gonna stay here?”

“I’m good here. Am I bothering you, chef?” Roger tilted his head, looking to John.

“You’re always bothering me, but it never stopped you.”

“Ouch.” Roger made a sad face, and John giggled.

And then he really got hurt. The drummer put his hand on a hot pot when he was smiling at John, and he gasped in pain. The brunette got his attention when he heard Roger whining and looked to the drummer’s hand, three fingers already red, and he grab Roger’s wrist and walked to him to the sink. “Let’s run some water on it.” and he opened the faucet, and he smiled when he saw Roger gasping when he felt the water over his skin. “Don’t be such a baby, Rog.”

“Shut up.”

John closed the faucet and blew on Roger’s fingers, trying to make him feel a little better. And he did. Roger watched the brunette taking care of him, and his fingers weren’t burning as much.

The blond could feel an itch on his body, an anxiety growing in his chest, but not strong enough for to Roger to care, because John was batting his eyelashes were and a smile was showing on his tiny lips and when the youngest was passing his fingertips on Roger’s fingers, looking for burning bubbles, John was so calm and confident that the drummer wasn’t even feeling anything more. The bassist was two years younger than Roger but he was more mature and more of an adult than him, the blond couldn’t even pretend to care, and he liked to see John taking care of him, even when he didn’t need to. He was like that since the first researhal, when John wanted to know everything about Roger, being a good listener and a good friend, and since day one the drummer knew that this guy would be a great addition to the band.

Brian and Freddie had their doubts about John, because they had changed bassists in a blink, Roger always got into fights with them, but the vibe that the brunette exuded was so relaxing that he knew that John was right for h...the band.

“Roger, get out of the kitchen, or we won’t get our lunch.” said Brian, on the couch.

“He’s alive, thank God.” Roger teased, and John giggled.  
  


☆

 

That night was calm, with the boys remembering when Roger and Brian played in a band called Smile. Freddie already knew them back then, but John didn't yet, and he always listened to them talking about the shows and the rehearsals, and how everything changed since Tim left the band and Freddie got in.

Brian was annoying Roger with something he never told him.

"A good magician never reveals his tricks, pal." Roger smiled, smoking his cigarette.

"Don't be a twat and tell us how you can convince the girls to go out to your place." insisted Brian. "You always break them, even the tough ones.”

Roger gave a quick look to John. He was waiting on his story, and prefered to drink hot cocoa that night. How it gave him a feeling of innocence and naivety? It was so damn charming to Roger, and he thought if Deaky was that way in bed, and for one solid second the drummer questioned himself on why he was doing this. But the second was gone, and he thought it'd be a good moment to do something risky.

"Ok, but I gonna need an assistant." Roger smoked his cigarette till the end and threw the filter away. "Deaky, you'll be the girl."

"No, I won't." John crossed his arms and shook his head, but made a funny face.

"Unlike I do with the girls, I won't bite you. Okay, better not promise anything."

"You are unbeatable."

After Roger persisted, John stood up next to the kitchen table, in front of him, and putting hands on his waist, trying to make a more feminine pose, and Roger laughed at that.

John had no clue how attractive he was. He's tall, with shining dark hair, symmetrical face, warm eyes and a sweet and pretty smile on pink and thin lips. Roger still couldn't find any bloke who caught his attention like that, or who could even make him hold his breath a little longer, but John did it, and doing basically nothing. John enchanted him _just for being John_. Maybe, if he'd had Brian's or Freddie's personality, the blond wouldn’t have looked at him more than once. The mystery behind the silence and hush of the bassist was made John so aphrodisiac.

The whole of it made him unique, a person out of scale. In Roger's mind the only reason John hadn't more groupies chasing him was because he was too shy, and that was confused with indifference. That was the only explanation that was strong enough to answer that, in the blond's opinion.

The worst of it was Deaky not seeing himself that way, as a desirable person, and sometimes it annoyed the drummer. Roger Taylor wanted to take that man to the bed and he can't see himself how delicious he was.

The blond, as a good connoisseur of aesthetic beauty, thought it absurd someone not notice himself as beautiful. If Roger hadn't a fear of damaging that pretty face, he’d have already punched John.

"Normally it's after the show that I saw some girl that interested me." started Roger, touching his hair and shaking his shoulders, preparing himself. "It's better when she was alone, got more easy to-"

"Rog, enough with the cheap chat. Make a move on me, please." said John, and blinked his eyes a couple of times, teasing the blond.

"Ok." Roger hummed and walked to John, showing a charming smile. "Hi, baby. What's your name?"

"Daisy." John said, with a thin and high voice.

"John, not that much!"

"Sorry." John laughed a little more and got back together. "Daisy."

"I'm Roger, I'm the drummer of the band." he pointed to the back, maybe because he did this too much to forget to not point. "Ah, sure, you already knew that."

"Are you joking?" Brian interrupted, in shock. Roger just glanced a warning at him to shut up.

Roger got a bit closer to John, put his hand on the table and leaning his face to John's direction. Brian put his fist in his mouth to not laugh.

"You know, I was looking at you up on the stage." Roger said, in a tender voice, close to John's cheek, without locking his eyes on him. "I was counting the minutes to finish the gig so I could talk to you."

"I doubt that." John gave a sceptic look to Roger.

"You didn't notice I lost my drum beat in that song?" Roger touched John's hair, curling up on his index finger. "It was when I looked at you for the first time."

John was trying not to laugh at Roger's approach. He really expected more from his friend, since he rarely heard a 'no' from a girl. He wasn't really that good, but maybe it just worked out because his move was made at dawn, after the girls had already drunk some beers, at that time people only think about sex. Or maybe because Roger's beauty mixed with his seductive voice had a positive effect.

He didn't think much about how attractive Roger could be to people because it's _everywhere_. It's like the air, you don't need to see it, you are already breathing and feeling in your lungs. The damn boy didn't have an ugly angle or a shamed bone, and it was really annoying for anyone else! And for John, who didn't like what he looked at the mirror, it was terrible to be around. But he knew that Roger wasn't just a pretty face, and that's why it wasn't so hard to be around.

The bassist came back to paying attention when he saw Roger slide his own finger to his cheekbone to his chin, with a delicacy no one expects of someone who spends nights playing drums. He saw Roger, who tilted his head down, just to look him again in the eye, and if John was totally bewitched for those pair of blue eyes he would missed the other passing his wet tongue between his lips and then giving a lavish bite in the lower lip.

"But you know what I really want to do right now?" Roger's voice got lower, full of lust.

"What?" John didn't notice when he fallen out of character.

"FREDDIE, COME HERE!" yelled Brian. "ROGER IS GONNA KISS DEAKY!"

Roger put his hand on the nape of John's neck, the other hand on his waist, and got closer still to the youngest, both with closed eyes. They heard rushed steps of Freddie, who was in another room, but they didn't give him attention. John felt Roger's slow oncoming, whilst the other was thrilled with the show he was building. The drummer could hear John’s breathing getting faster, and feel him shiver when Roger touched his fingers against his skin.

Their lips brushed, and Roger noticed John slightly open his mouth, like he was showing his consent what would come next. Suddenly, a realization came to the blond, and then he understood what he had to do. Maybe this would be his lucky night.

"It's something like that, mates." Roger stood backwards, keeping away from John. "Always change something according the answers, but basically that's my strategy. Happy now?"

Roger enjoyed the seconds when Brian and Freddie looked at him with full confusion and frustration, like Roger had betrayed them. Apparently John wasn't the only one who expected that kiss.

"What was that?" Freddie wasn't believing. "I hate you, bitch!"

John blinked a few times and hummed. His throat was dry, and he had to pretend that something fell on the ground to tilt his head and hide the blush that was spreading over his cheeks. "Not that bad, Rog." commented John. "If I was a girl I'd totally have fell for that.”

Now Roger waited. Throughout the rest of the night Brian and Freddie laughed about it, teasing John about his almost kiss with Roger and he'd have been "Roger's new hook up". The drummer noticed that John was very quiet; usually in these situations, he would shout an answer at whoever had annoyed him, but for this he just stayed still.

John bit the bait, now Roger just needed to wait.

Then John said he was tired and was going to his room. But, looking at him, the blond saw that John didn't show signs of exhaustion. He was lying; _Deaky was going to hide_. Roger held back a victorious smile. He just resigned to wait for the other two go to sleep. Half a hour after, Freddie and Brian said good night to Roger, each one going to their own room. Roger smoked another cigarette. He was anxious and didn't know why.  
Another second having doubts. And, again, the second was gone.

Roger heard the sound the his mates' doors, and when they closed Roger took a long swallow, finishing his cigarette. Showtime. He followed the way to John's room, moving down the stairs with caution, trying not to catch the bassist's attention just yet. Now that he wasn’t in any hurry, he was confident. At the end of the stairs, he looked inside and saw John laid down on his bed, browsing some magazine that he had read tons of times. Roger knocked on the wall, to be noticed by the bassist.

John looked at him, blank.

"Can I come in?" asked Roger.

"You are already in, anyway." John looked again to the magazine. _Old Deaky is back again_.

Roger walked to the youngest's bed, sitting on the end, and John sat too, now more interested by the visit of the drummer in his room than seconds before. "I want to know if you are okay. With everything that happened tonight, and with what didn't happen too." said Roger, getting closer to John.

John just shrugged his shoulders.

There was a moment of silence, where Roger was wondering if he had seen wrong signs, and if he really had to go back to his own room alone, frustrated and defeated.

"Would you really kiss me?" John asked, shyly. "Because there was a moment...I mean, I felt your lips on mine."

"Deaky, which answer do you wanna hear?" Roger got closer. Now his knees touched John's.

"Which answer do you have?"

"Always with a sharp tongue. Maybe that was the reason I didn't kiss you. I was afraid to get cut."

"Maybe you will never know how soft it can be."

"Only if you’ll let me."

John shrugged his shoulders again, but this time implying that he wouldn't mind if Roger kissed him.

Roger put his hands on John's neck and kissed him. How he imagined, the kiss started soft and delicate, with vestiges of the inexperienced teenager John was, and the blond thought he'd have to guide him. That's why Roger opened his mouth, to make their kiss more intimate, more adult. John tilted forward, and put Roger's upper lip between his lips, and gave a little bite, making Roger gasp during the kiss.

As the kiss evolved, Roger was noticing John wasn't so inexperienced as he judged. The bassist knew where to grab and where to squeeze, and he pressed his tongue against Roger's like he had done before. When he realized, the drummer saw himself being _guided_ by the youngest, like it was a routine. The bassist pressed his fingers in the blond's nape, surprising him. How John could know the places he liked the most to be touched? Roger could be still this way, being kissed, bitten and sucked for hours. John took him easily, without asking permission!

He had to take the wheels again. He was Roger Taylor, for God's sake!

So Roger moved his lips down to John's neck, at the same time he was pushing him to lay down on the bed. When he was painting wet kisses there, Roger heard a laugh from John. "How convenient having a bed here, don't you think?" John's voice had an extra dose of sarcasm.

"Wow, what a coincidence, Deaky." Roger said between the kisses.

"If I didn't know you too well, I'd say it was, and you didn't predict any of this, even the almost kiss."

"Shut the fuck up and enjoy it, mate."

John was going to back the fire, but he gasped instead. Roger brushed against him, making him feel the content in his pants. John pulled back his head, getting hard already. Maybe he really needed to have sex.

"Will you keep complaining?" asked Roger, sitting on John's lap and started to unbutton his own shirt.

" _God, no_." John laughed, with eyes closed, and opened them when he noticed Roger's hands inside his shirt, lifting it up.

"That's what I thought." Roger smiled when he pushed for John to get closer again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated  
> I'm @mazdeaky on Twitter
> 
> P.S.: Hope everyone catched up that the chapters' titles are from It's a Hard Life lyrics (I love that song, plus Deaky in a unicorn outfit is my kink lol)


	3. Live for tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this story so much, and those two idiots too

Brian found Roger literally with his face on _John’s business_ when the guitarist went to call Deaky to dinner. They expected hear complaints from the oldest, but Brian only said that he 'wished to have a camera to frame this moment for posterity'. Something bizarre to tell two close friends caught in the middle of oral sex, but they laughed.

With Freddie it was a little lighter. He was walking through the lounge when John and Roger were playing cards. Roger asked, with a low voice “When can I go to your room? I’ve spent the whole day thinking of your ass...” and Freddie didn’t hear the rest because Roger got closer to John and whispered in the brunette’s ear.

Freddie spent some days making subtle jokes with double meanings to Roger and John, and talking about asses all the time. At a very explicit joke about fingering, John rolled his eyes. “Freddie, everyone here already got that you know Roger and I are shagging.”

“Good.” Freddie smiled. “But I’m still upset that none of you looked for me. You know I’m a bit voyeur.”

“Fuck off, Freddie.” Roger said, but laughed after.

“I’m glad that you have found something… recreational to do here.” Brian said, trying to keep serious. “As long as it doesn’t mess with the songwriting and the recording...”

“Or stop us sleeping at night!” Freddie added. “Roger, everyone in the house doesn’t need to know that you came.”

“Tell that to Paul too, please.” intruded John. Roger looked at him and winked, thanking him for the defense.

A couple of days passed, and John was thinking of telling Roger something, since the drummer still didn’t say a word. They were in the bassist’s room, kissing, and Roger already wanted something more, so he stopped the foreplay, and his hand was already unzipping John’s pants when the youngest said “So...Brian and Freddie know about us.”

Roger looked at him. “True. But talking about them doesn’t really excite me, so...” Roger looked again to John’s pants.

“But this changes things.” pointed out John.

“What do you mean?”

John sat up, and Roger did the same (even though he clearly didn’t want to). “It means that we don’t need to stay in my room, like it’s a secret.” started John. “We don’t have to pretend anymore, Rog.”

The blond knew that this day would come eventually, sooner or later. He had been expecting it since the day Freddie spoke to them, because now Roger wouldn’t have any reason to keep a healthy distance from John’s affections. Now, with everyone knowing about the two of them hooking up, they could be free, with nothing blocking their cherishing or displays of affection. And Roger was really getting away from that. Restricting their meetings to John’s room made them casual, and moving outside of those walls would make them real. The drummer didn’t want something real (or he wanted to believe).

And that was the real hole in his plan, because he knew, deep down, that something bad would come from it. Something bad always happens when you have intimacy with the person you’re screwing, and that’s why Roger always limited himself to having sex with people he didn’t know. Sex with strangers was easy: he got some information about them, had sex, moments of pleasure, said goodbye and each one went home. No after, no mornings. Roger liked this dynamic, he didn’t have any regrets and didn’t hold him either.

But this time was different. It’s John Deacon, one of his best friends, he was talking about. He wasn’t anyone random. He was someone important.

“Deaky, I prefer when we’re here, it’s more fun.” argued Roger. And he gave a pleasant smile. “Besides I don’t know if I can’t let my hands up your waist if we kiss in front of them. Brian and Freddie already asked us not to do anything explicit.” And Roger leaned his lips on John’s and kissed him.

“Brian would mind, but I guess Freddie wouldn’t.” commented John, between kisses.

 

☆

 

For the first time, Roger was kissing John outside of the bassist’s room.

John’s back was against a tree, his mouth glued to Roger’s, and he felt the blond’s hands touching his waist, going down to his ass and getting a squeeze, making the bassist laugh between kisses.

Roger stopped when he can’t help to notice the laughing anymore, and looked to the youngest. “Ok, what’s happening?”

“Nothing.” John smiled and shook his shoulders, pretending he didn’t know what the other was talking about.

“Drop the bull and tell me.” Roger looked to him.

“It’s...We look like we’re fifteen, snogging against a tree.” the bassist tried to not laugh, but he couldn’t stop it, and he saw Roger rolling his eyes, so John pulled him closer. “But I don’t care. Snogging is fine.”

“Stop saying ‘snogging’. Now I feel like I’m fifteen.”

John smiled again, showing all of his teeth, and Roger couldn’t help himself and admired the man in front of him. All his features, every strand of hair, each pore on his skin, Roger took a look of it, memorising the curve John’s mouth did when he smiled, or the up-and-down motions his eyelashes made when the brunette batted his eyes, or the shine that quickly passed through the bassist’s stare. John did all of these things so easily that Roger thought how people did crazy things to impress him when the brunette impressed him just by _existing_.

“I don’t think I’ve ever said this, but you’re really pretty, Deaky.” these words seemed so simple to say, but took days for Roger to say them. He’d already caught himself thinking about John’s looks, and how beautiful he was, and for him it was just common sense; the sky is blue, the ocean is deep, John is gorgeous.

But he needed to say it out loud because he already saw John looking at himself like he wasn’t worth it, or saying self-deprecating things, and he even knew that Freddie and Brian always said something to cheer him up, he’s...something else (that’s the highest thing he allowed himself to think of) for John. At least right now. And Roger thought that saying how John seems pretty, and good looking, and cute...

 _Cute? No, scratch that. Hot. He’s hot, not cute_.

And then, Deaky’s smile got bigger, and...he’s blushing? Yeah, he was. “I know, Roger, but thanks, anyways.”

“Wow, someone got cheeky.”

“Learnt from the best.” and the smile became more dirty. “There’s other things I’ve learnt too.”

“Yeah? Can you show me?” Roger thanked for moving the subject for something more...in his area.

John looked around. No sign of Freddie or Brian. “If you take your trousers down, I can show you.” and they switched places, Roger against the tree now.

“Your wish is my command.” Roger smiled and turned his face to the tree. Right now it’d be the best not see John’s face.

 

☆

  
John was very focused while wrote a song at the kitchen table. The lyrics felt pretty silly, and he even imagined his sixteen year old self writing it, laughing about his own song. But his heart was pounding when he imagined Freddie singing a song about...

“Someone is finally doing work.” the leader singer said when he entered the room, a proud smile showing on his face; John didn’t write as much as the other three, but he always had good ideas, and Freddie always appreciated it. He leaned in to John, who didn’t pay much attention to him, and peeked at the paper. “ _Uh, you make me live_. Catchy.”

“Freddie, let me finish first, please?” John put his hand on the paper, hiding the lyrics from the spy.

“You like to hide things from me, Deaky, I get that.” Freddie sat next to the youngest when John folded the paper. “But you should say one thing for me: is Roger really that much?”

John just frowned and looked to his friend, feeling incapable of talking.

“Oh, don’t make this face!” Freddie tapped John’s shoulder. “Deep down, we always wonder if Roger’s most wanted by girls just because his looks...or because what he has inside his trousers.”

John giggled a little a bit his upper lip. Yes, Roger had attractive things with _and_ without clothes. And just now John thought about a good lyrics, so he unfolded the paper and wrote quickly two phrases, folding the paper again. “Curious much, Freddie?”

“Don’t be jealous, Deaky.” Freddie smiled when John’s face heated up. “Now you’re blushing like hell! So cute.”

They heard a shout and walked to the exit door, where the sound came from, and they saw Roger lying on the floor, holding his arm, eyes shut in pain. John felt bad for the drummer and helped him to get up, while Freddie was trying to hide his own laughter. The bassist asked if Roger was okay, who just nodded. “I guess I wasn’t the curious one.” Freddie said, in the end, making Roger roll his own eyes.

John helped Roger to get inside the house, and put some ice in a towel to hand to the drummer, to put on his arm, the blond thanking him. Roger saw a paper and a pen in the table, probably the song John was writing that Freddie was talking about, and he leaning his hand forward to reach it but John grabbed it before the drummer could. “Oh, I bet it’s good stuff in here. Let me see, Deaky.”

“Only when I finish.” John grinned to him.

“Don’t be so annoying.”

“I show mine if you show me yours.” The bassist teased.

“Are we still talking about music?”

“You perv.”

They started to chat with Freddie, mostly small talk, and then Roger felt a shiver over his neck. John was caressing the drummer’s neck with his index and middle fingers, touching there without losing his conversation with Freddie, and the display was pretty evident, but Freddie couldn’t care less about it, neither could Roger. He enjoyed when John touched him, actually; this became a habit, their hands reaching the other’s body just to feel their warmth, leaving the most naughty touches to their privacy.

The drummer couldn’t resist thinking about how domestic they had become. They still had sex (a lot), but these moments was more usual than days before, like waiting for the night was long enough, and some tact could relive how impatient their fingertips felt. John was more caring than him, touching him with his fingers, passing them over the drummer’s blond hair or pressing his cheekbones, while Roger liked more action, and used more of his lips (and tongue) to express himself. But after some complains from Brian, Roger stopped kissing Deaky on the mouth and moved to the cheek, surprising him with his pecks, or little bites.

Brian came later and enjoyed the conversation, smiling a bit when Roger and John started to discuss about John’s mysterious song, seeing the drummer make funny faces when he saw Deaky wouldn’t say a thing about the song, and he even crossed his arms, like a spoiled child, but the brunette didn’t care.

Actually Brian could see the paper with the lyrics of the song in Deaky’s jeans pocket, but he only could read one word. _Home_. And he looked again to the youngest ones. John was teasing Roger while he touched playfully the blond’s nose.

 

☆

  
That was the first time Roger agreed to John leading the sex, and he loved it. Now he understood why some women enjoyed anal so much; there’s a new kind of pleasure that Roger loved to find out, not to mention that seeing John commanding turned him on even more. The brunette turned into a different person when he undressed, letting the shyness and soft talking fall away with his clothing.

John became strong, masterful, imperative. The look in his eyes changed as well, from a graceful green to a stormy gray. His teeth got more sharp and his hands more heavy, and the blond never saw this coming; he had discovered a new Deaky and he loved it. Roger knew this time he got visible marks on his neck, and tomorrow Brian would make plenty of jokes about it.

But now, sleeping, John went back to being normal John. Calm, peaceful, irritatingly unreadable. Roger wanted to spend at least five minutes in John’s head to know what he thinks, because sometimes he thought John was never being one hundred percent sincere with him. Like John’s true feelings were under the water, and what reached Roger was just a distorted result of the truth.

It was still a shock for him that John didn’t consider himself beautiful, because, even unconscious he was beautiful. Roger felt a little weird watching him sleep, like he was one of those creepy stalkers from the movies, but he couldn’t not admire the youngest’s messy hair, falling on his face when he moved in the bed, or his cheekbones, so soft when the drummer touched them, or John’s thin lips, that Roger feels urgency to kiss every time he saw.

Roger normally got bored of people after some time of intimacy, but he never got bored of John. There was always something new to discover, a refreshed pleasure, a desire to want more, to feel more. A conquered land but that always it should be revisited. There wasn’t even one moment of his day that he wasn’t anxious for the night to come, so he could go to John’s room.

And Roger was falling asleep, in John’s arms, feeling so small next to him. His head rested between his chin and his clavicle, and the drummer felt so warm in that position. He was safe, _at home_. And he realized that he was sleeping with John almost everyday, for two weeks. Roger said to himself that’s because he was too tired to climb John’s stairs room and go to his.

But, _maybe_ , there was another reason. A reason that Roger didn’t have the guts to even formulate in his own head, a reason by which he probably would have to break someone’s heart.

Roger, with the most care as possible to not wake up John, moved the brunette’s arms from him and stood up slowly. Put his clothes on in silence and was going to the stairs.

“Where are you going, Rog?” the drummer heard John’s sleepy voice.

The blond turned around and saw John, with his head rested on the pillow, tired eyes from just waking up, a face with signs of semi-consciousness. _Shit, how cute he is_. Making everything even harder for Roger. For seconds he wanted to go back to bed, wrap his arms around John’s body and sleep. But he couldn’t. “I had an idea for a song.” lied Roger.

John yawned and stretched his body over the bed, enjoying the space Roger had left, and laid his eyes on the drummer again. The oldest felt that Deaky was analyzing his soul every time when he left those moments of silence. If there’s someone who he could talk whatever he wanted to, that person would be John, because he’d trust more on the brunette’s judgement than his own.

_And still..._

“Ok. Good night, Rog.” John bid him farewell and he shut his eyes again.

Roger clenched his hands, feeling his throat hurt, and took a deep breath. Lastly, finding strength God knows where, he climbed the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, I want to know what you think about my fic :)


	4. Long hard fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some angst just because :)  
> As I said is a happy ending story, so don't panick

  
There’s only few days before they go on road and start the tour to promote the album, and Roger was in his house watching TV, or pretending to watch. He wasn’t really interested in what was playing, but he needed to distract himself. Anything he could do to run away from his own feelings helped. Almost everyday he’d go sleep drunk trying not to dream about anything that would make him cry the next day. He was crying too much lately and he felt stupid for it.

After they got out of the farm confinement, Roger let a week pass without giving news to the other three. He justified it as a way to “detox” for the weeks they spent every day together, but they didn’t buy it. The blond didn’t answer their calls. There’s something wrong with him, and Freddie, Brian and John imagined what is was. John imagined what it was.

The days passed by and he noticed Roger didn’t speak with him or didn’t get any initiative. He knew the drummer enough to not be surprised with that attitude, but it didn’t mean he didn’t feel bad. It was a mix of anger, disappointment and sadness, and he didn’t know which one was stronger. He wanted to talk about it with someone, but he thought that Brian would make a therapy session and Freddie would tell him how foolish he was to expect something different from Roger.

Someone knocked at Roger’s door, and he thought about not opening it. He wasn’t in the mood to see or talk with anyone. He just wanted a painkiller for his headache, or a sedative to sleep all night.

“Roger, I know you are in there. I can hear the sound of the TV.” the drummer panicked when he heard John’s voice. “Open the door.”

Roger stood up and went to the door. His hand was on the door handle, sweating, he didn’t want to see John, not like that. But he can’t be weak, so he took deep breaths and opened the door.

John was standing in his door-frame, but there was something different. John had a look, an anxious look; Deaky’s known brand was that he could stay calm in every moment, and there he was, not knowing how to behave in front of the drummer.

He wasn’t just John Deacon anymore. He was John _you-had-sex-with-me-remember?_ Deacon now.

“Hi, John.” Roger trying to show tranquility. “How are-“

“You borrowed my shirt, that black silk.” John said, without moving. He didn’t want to get in. “I need it today.”

“Oh. Your shirt. Ok.”

Roger went to his room, that was a mess, and looked for the damn shirt. After some minutes he found it. It wasn’t clean, but there’s nothing he could do.

And he went back he saw that John was still in the same place, looking around, knowing that time had passed and he didn’t needed to stay in that awkward situation. “Here’s your shirt.” Roger tossed the shirt to John. “I didn’t wash it, sorry. I would have if I knew you were coming today.”

“You’d known if you answered the phone.” John pricked.

The silence that settled in was full of fear. There was, underneath the surface, fear to talk, and to not talk. It had a lot to be said and discussed, but someone needed to take the first step. On one hand there’s someone who talks as little as possible and on the other hand there’s someone who talks too much but never says anything necessary. Two difficult people to have the kind of talk that had to be done, two lions with opposite natures. Each second that passed the more they lost and more they lost _themselves_.

John looked to Roger, wishing and wondering that anything was said. Anything. He needed to know what his next step would be, and for that he needed to know what those moments at the farm meant for Roger, so he could know what to do about it. Even his bandmates thought, John didn’t think himself as a complex person. There’s no between-the-lines with him; if he need to say something, _bum_ , it’s done.

But he couldn’t pass over Roger and what they were to each other.

Roger just looked down, unable to speak a single word. What the hell could he say? He was never in that position, he didn’t know the procedure, and even imagined that one day he’d be in this side of the equation. Something was wrong, and his stomach was rolling with the pain it was to the blond being there, not knowing what to do. Normally Roger had solution for everything, but in that moment nothing came to his mind.

There was a vacuum that blocked the drummer’s thoughts, and John understood the oldest wouldn’t say anything.

“So I have to go.” spoke John, after a while. “See you in a couple of days.”

“What you mean?” Roger didn’t follow him.

“The tour, remember?”

“True that.” Roger gave a shamed smile. “I don’t know where my mind is.”

“Neither do I.”

People say that the crucial moments of your lives pass in slow motion, and Roger knew that John turning around and walking to the street was one of them, but the blond saw it in a regular speed. Maybe, if there was really a slowdown, he’d have time to beg Deaky to wait.

But he didn’t beg. Deaky didn’t wait.

☆

  
The tour was going magnificent. They sold every ticket, were traveling non stop, doing interviews for TV and magazines. The public was singing along to their songs and they were receiving gifts for the fans. It was refreshing know how people were recognizing and loving them.

Playing was the only moment when Roger felt happy. There was no space for his suffering while he was behind the drums; he couldn’t miss the drumbeat just to stop for a second and think about the misery his life was right now.

He was never quiet on the trips how he was on that tour. Roger felt Brian and Freddie’s look all the time, meanwhile John barely spoke a word. They only talked during games of Scrabble (when they were forced, by their friends, to make a pair) or to solve something related to the gig. In another moments John resigned to ignore his presence.

The blond knew he deserved it. He was never so right about deserving someone’s contempt like he knew he deserved Deaky’s. But that didn’t mean he was hurt to receive it. There was no fun in travelling with the band without hearing jokes that certainly John would make about ‘I’m in Love with my Car” or without him help the drummer to finish Puzzles.

The silent treatment was killing Roger, and that was affecting him in ways he never dreamed.

The blond, in the first gigs, tried to fool himself, wanting to believe he wouldn’t care about John and how he was treating him. So he went back to his old routine: drinking too much, hooking up with different girls every night. However, Roger felt more lonely than before, this time more than ever, because in the same speed he felt pleasure, he fell in the darkness of sadness.

After that Roger thought that wasn’t worth it to go looking for sex, since he felt worse having sex than having none at all, and he feared that he would cry in front of some groupie, in the end. Also the beer didn’t numb him as always; now he made him disinhibit his emotions, and maybe drunk he’d talk in public something he couldn’t. Roger couldn’t getting away from himself anymore.

And, surprising everyone, Roger started to decline fans' approaching. He still treated them with the same courtesy, but he didn’t accept any invitation he received. Brian, sometimes, looked his temperature or asked if he was using some experimental drug. The drummer just laughed and lied to his friend.

“Can I get tired after spending hours behind the drums or not, Brian?” asked Roger.

“But I never see you getting tired of women.” commented Brian.

The curly guitarist even knew the real reason, but he didn’t tell with all the words. And Roger never told him too.

Roger was in the bathroom, it one of the boxes, just thinking how much he needed his bed and to finish the night, when he heard the bathroom door opening, and the steps of two people getting in, one of them laughed and he noticed it was a woman. ‘Someone will get a more exciting night than mine’, he thought, smiling. And he gasped when the couple got in the box next to his, and one hand with long painted red nails showed up in the wall.

The drummer barely had time to get out the box when the groans started. The girl was loud; she was really enjoying the moment, and Roger, in another times, would have loved to participate, but right now he was just uncomfortable, actually, hearing some strangers having sex, and he wanted to give privacy to them. ‘But’, Roger thought, ‘someone who fucks in a public bathroom doesn’t care about privacy.’

He was already opening the door when he heard the man’s moan. That made the blond stop, frozen. Roger would recognize that sound even underwater.

The man was John.

He didn’t believe what was happening, it looked like a big prank to him. Roger was listening John having sex in the next box. Having sex with a stranger in a public bathroom. Sounded more something he’d do, not John.  
Why he was feeling betrayed? John had a wife, for whom he wrote a song, ‘You’re my Best Friend’. _How dummy_ , he thought when John showed it to the band, but it’s the only song that would fit on the album. Who John was cheating on was Veronica, not him. So why was feeling so _used_?

No, that wasn’t right. John wasn’t like that, the bassist wouldn’t play with him like that.

“Darling, what are you doing standing right there?” Roger heard Freddie’s voice, but he was still in trance.

Without answering his friend, Roger ran out the bathroom. He pushed people out of his way, and he felt his eyes burning. He needed to get away from there, or he’d scream or hit someone. Yes, childish behavior, but he didn’t care, the blond just wanted to reach the front door of that club.

Outside, Roger ran to the bus. _No one could see him crying_. What would they think of Roger Taylor, the charming drummer of Queen, crying like a little girl in front of some random club? No, he had to sustain his reputation, and he couldn’t if someone saw him crying over the bassist.

The blond just closed the bus door when it was opened again. Freddie passed for it, and the brunette seemed pissed about something.

“I already told you, Roger, that the drama queen role doesn’t fit well on you.” Freddie said, crossing his arms.

“Freddie, I’m not in the mood for your jokes.” Roger said, in a warning tone, to his friend, and he sat.

“I know.” Freddie sat next to the blond. “After you went out I opened the other box and I saw John with a groupie, both without their pants. And I need to say, well done, Deaky.”

Roger laughed at the comment, but soon he was crying again. Freddie, as a sign of pity, hugged the youngest. Roger really didn’t know what to do with all those feelings that were driving him crazy. He wanted to yell to them go away, to leave him alone, but he knew it didn’t work that way.

It’s his fault, entirely his, and Roger couldn’t say he hadn’t been warned for himself. On the night he decided to seduce John he remembered there was a voice, low and shy, that said to him to not do it, that any relationship between he and Deaky that wasn’t a friendship would destroy what they built for years, and maybe the band. But, as always, Roger’s wisdom was crushed for his own insatiable nature.

“Rog, someday you will have to face the reality. And do something about you and Deaky.” Freddie put his hands on Roger’s cheeks and made the drummer look at him. The blond made a duck face.

“You talk like it’s easy.” muttered Roger, and Freddie laughed.

“Oh, lovie, of course is not! Look at me, I’m not better in that term than you, but we need to assume what we feel.”

“Freddie, what the fuck was...?” Deaky went up the bus, and he stopped talking when he saw Roger. Seconds of misunderstanding and soon came the lightning. “That was you in the bathroom, Rog?”

“I gonna let you two talk.” Freddie said, getting up and walking to the bus door, and he gently pushed John to get closer to Roger.

Roger quietly cleaned his tears when John sat in front of him. The embarrassment was there, after at all Roger heard him having sex; the opposite had happened already (Roger never knew to be moderate in those moments). Not that John didn’t care of Roger knowing he was having a good time, but still.

“How long were you there?” John broke the silence after what felt like years.

“I was peeing when you got in.” Roger said, ashamed.

“You were there...for three or four minutes.” John commented, and he sounded shocked.

“You were fucking in a bathroom!” Roger tried to defend himself.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I can assure you that wasn’t good for me hearing you moaning.”

“I’m sorry, I gave you painful memories? Because, for the way you left things...Actually, for the way you _abandoned_ things, I didn’t think you would care who I screw.”

“Of course I care, Deaky! You are my...” Roger couldn’t finish the phrase.

John waited some seconds, for Roger to have courage to say what the bassist was to him, but after noticing the blond wouldn’t finish, he gave him a contempt look, and that smashed Roger’s heart. John already gave him looks of apathy, boring, annoyance and indifference, but never of contempt.

Being despised by John was the end of the road.

“I waited for days to you say something to me.” started John, and he stood up, walking. “Saying that we would keep seeing each other, that we should stop, or even that you...” John stopped, and Roger saw him taking deep breaths. “But you chose the worst of the alternatives: you didn’t say anything. You left me in the dark, like I was just one more of your conquers. With no value enough to receive a good excuse.”

“You’re not just one of my conquers, Deaky!” exclaimed Roger. “You know you’re not!”

“It doesn’t matter what I know, matters what happened. Your silence spoke for you.” John looked again to the blond. “I never imagined that you would treat me like that. We are bandmates, we are family, as Brian irritantly says every fucking week. And you are destroying everything the four of us built during all these years.”

Each word that John said to Roger was like a punch, deserved, but still painful. He wished he could open his fucking mouth and say what he really wanted, what he felt. But every time he thought of talking, a bad chill ran through his spine, fast and strong. Roger was being more idiotic in those minutes that he was in his entire life. And that was hurting John even more.

“Yeah, keep shut, like I was talking to a wall.” John rolled his eyes. “It’s so typical of you that annoys me that I wanted another behavior. Pretending that nothing is happening always worked out very well for you.”

Roger wanted to punch John, for saying those truths, sharp and necessary truths to Roger. Pretending that nothing is happening always fits to the drummer until now, but after get involved with John his escape route didn’t work anymore.

John, without waiting for any comment from the blond, was making his way out to the door, but he stopped after some steps. He laughed (Roger couldn’t imagined what he had thought that could be funny) and he turned back again to the oldest.

“Remember the song I wrote?” John saw Roger agreed with the head. “I didn’t write to Veronica. I wrote to you.”

‘Oh, shit’, thought Roger, wishing he could kick his own head. That’s no way he had messed up that bad this time. “But...’You’re stood by me, _girl_ ’” Roger raised his eyebrow when he said the last word, and John couldn’t not laugh. The blond was so used to always being right that he was really questioning the truth of the information with the _song writter_.

“And, in the verse you hate so much, ‘I’m happy at home’, I was talking about you.” and Roger was shocked. “You are my home.”

Roger was devastated, without believing Deaky’s words. He had written a silly and romantic song for him, with all the cliches of dumb and teen lyrics, but it’s to Roger, talking about how felt _with him_ and _for him_ , and that was the matter. John was exposing himself to the drummer like he never did before, and Roger saw that he was too anxious as the oldest was.

So the blond got up and walked to John, with a hopeful smile on his lips. The end of the torture and the beginning of the happiness. Roger put his hands on John’s neck, thrilled, but soon the bassist pushed them, taking away from him.

“Actually...you _were_. I can’t trust you anymore.” said John, and he heard a note of pain in his voice. “Do a favour for both of us and let’s keep things professional. I don’t want the band to break up because of some...silliness we did.”

Roger just shook his head, the echo of John saying that what they did was a “silliness” getting louder and louder, and he felt he could fall in any moment, because he couldn’t feel his legs anymore.  
John had said everything, so the bassist left the bus, letting the oldest alone with his loneliness.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to know what my readers think of the story, so please comment


	5. In each others hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a very long chapter but I hope you enjoy it :)

The first time the idea popped into his head was some days ago. First it passed quickly, and he even laughed when he thought about the possibility, but the days passed by and it showed up again, more and more, letting it seem more surreal than it was before. Roger felt that it made sense now, and that thought started to grow inside him, not letting go off his mind. Now he just needed to talk to Brian, Freddie and John.

They agreed to take a break between the end of the tour and the beginning of the new album production. After Roger broke his own drum kit during a show and John had drunk so much that he punched a glass, needing stitches in his hand, the band (basically Brian) thought that it would be good to keep separated for a while. But it’d be good for everyone, to cool off and go to the studio with good ideas and a better mood.

The reunion day came and Roger finally decided. He’d quit Queen.

Even though he had tried to hide, even from himself, for all these years, Roger couldn’t ignore what he felt for Deaky anymore. He already understood what the feeling was that was ripping him from inside, and he felt an idiot for plenty of reasons. For not being honest with himself since the first moment he felt his heart jump when he shared a glance with John, and always finding excuses for the butterflies in the stomach; for having been stupid to think that the feeling would pass if he ignored it, imagining it as a fever, and using other people as medicine; and for hurting everyone around him with his harsh and careless attitudes, causing pain for him and for John. Roger knew that it could have had a different end, and he could be in a better place than now, but it’s done. He dug his own grave. _Roger Stupid Taylor_ , always making wrong choices.

The way to the studio was quick and meanwhile he started to rehearse what he’d say. He knew Brian and Freddie would argue with him, trying to persuade him to stay, so he needed to be ready. It was settled, but he knew how his friends could convince an unwarned passenger.

When he came into the studio, Brian and Freddie were already there, talking about a song Brian had brought. He showed, excited, the arrangement that he already imagined to the song, and Freddie didn’t seem very convinced with it, frowning constantly.

“Hey, mates.” Roger saluted them, and they finally noted him.

“On time. How shocking.” smiled Brian. “Spiders in your bed?”

Roger smiled, thinking of how much he’d miss Brian’s silly jokes, Freddie’s unmeasured caring...and Deaky.

He’d be lying if he said that it was easy, to discard something that was his life for years, to stop participating in what makes him feel so good, to stop being Queen’s drummer. He was there even before the band had this name, he saw the group born and get shape, he lived through the good and the bad days next to his bandmates, spent his weeks making music and talking about it with the other three. Roger couldn’t even remember how life was before the band.

It wouldn’t be another self-mutilation more painful than anything Roger had known.

“What’s that smile for, Rog?” asked Freddie, noticing something he’d never seen on his friend. “You’re acting weird.”

“I’ll talk to you first, because it’ll take longer to convince you than Deaky.” said Roger, and he took a deep breath. “I wanna quit the band.”

Freddie and Brian glanced to each other and then to Roger, who put his hands in his pockets, clearly sad.

“What do you mean ‘quit’?” inquired Brian, speaking slowly, like he had missed some part of the talk. “You can’t quit the band, Rog. Queen is a-”

“Family, I know.” Roger rolled his eyes. ‘Brian typical, playing dirty. Cancer’s are so emotional!’, thought Roger. “But I feel like I don’t fit in this family anymore.”

The stupid tears were coming, Roger could feel them, and that’s why he breathed deeply, trying to put himself together to not lose it in front of his friends. He couldn’t prove his point if he was crying.

Freddie and Brian shared one more look. They never thought this day would come. By the way, they even made a stupid bet, where they bet who’d bring up the subject first, and now Freddie owed ten pounds to Brian now. But, bets aside, they really hoped that all of this had ended. Finally was time to interfere.

“Look, darling, we know that things aren’t great between you and John, but honestly we’re not going to let you quit the band just because you can’t settle this with him.” started Freddie, getting closer to the blond.

“You know that I can quit without your permission, right, dad?” reminded Roger.

“But you won’t, because you care about me and about Brian. And you care about John, even though you are too much of an idiot to say it out loud.”

“Thanks for the compliment.”

“Anytime, darling.” Freddie giggled. “You know, Brian and I always talk about you and John being careless with this ‘uncompromised relationship’. There’s no such a thing between close friends like you two.”

“What do you mean ‘always talk?” Roger raised an eyebrow. “Are you gossiping behind our backs?”

“Don’t act as if you’re surprised.” Brian flicked his hand. “Of course we’d talk about something like _that_. Anyway...We always thought that something would go wrong, but we respected the fact that you are both grown ass men and we didn’t meddle.”

“I told him that.” Freddie pointed to himself, proudly.

“I mean, we didn’t meddle _until now_ , but you two are insanely dumb and now we _have_ to meddle.”

Roger was shocked with the other two. They really meant it.

“Roger dear, everyone here knows that you like John a lot” Freddie saw Roger holding his breath after that “and everyone here also knows that John likes you a lot as well.”

Roger saw the way Freddie looked at him, with strength and security, and the tone he used, with no fear of saying some bullshit, and after that he looked to Brian. He slightly shook his head, agreeing with what his friend had said. The blond wondered how long they’d had this assurance for, if he really had been _that_ obvious and if his friends were just waiting to make that speech.

Every time he got confused about John’s feelings, he thought of the bassist telling him about the song, about his song. But his head just kept saying that Deaky could just be messing with him, just to make him feel more guilty.

“I’m not sure about this.” Roger shook his shoulders, feeling miserable.

“Do you really think that our little Deaky would touch you if he didn’t feel anything for you, Rog? Use your brain for once, _blondie_.”

Freddie had a point. John would be more careful than him on this point; he’d never have kissed him if it didn’t make any sense to the youngest, besides he wouldn’t put his friendship at risk for something shallow, like Roger intended to. Once more the bassist seemed wiser than him. Roger remembered the song again, and he thought, for few seconds, to share the information with Brian and Freddie, but then he decided to keep it to himself.

 _Their little secret_.

Brian and Freddie saw a tiny smile on the drummer’s lips, more happy and optimistic. They were really convinced, after all.

“I don’t- I don’t know if I have the guts to tell him.” Roger looked nervous.

“So find them soon, because John just got in.” Brian was looking to the studio entrance door.

Roger saw John far away, looking to the ground, wrapped up in his own thoughts. The drummer looked to Brian and Freddie, and the other two just waved at him with excitement, trying to give some courage to the blond.

Looking at the bassist again, who was just a few steps into the studio, he thought of something that could give him the courage to say it. And a playful smile grew on his lips. _Old Rog is back_.

“Morning everyone.” saluted John, holding his bass and some paper. “I brought some lyrics, I hope you like them.”

“Deaky, Roger has something to say.” Brian said, making the youngest look first to him and then to Roger.

“Ok.” John was putting his bass on his stand.

Finally Roger knew what to do, and that made him feel a joy that he hadn’t felt for some time. It was stupidly easy what he needed to do, and it was in front of him all the time, and he never saw it. Seemed ridiculous how long he’d spent torturing himself and swallowing his own words. He just needed to know if John was afraid to lose him. “I gonna quit the band.”

The blond saw John, who was usually pretty chill, open his mouth in shock, and his paper fall. Maybe if Deaky was still holding his bass it’d be broken now.

“Are you crazy, Rog?” John asked in a tone above his usual. “You can’t quit, we’re a family, you bloody idiot!”

“Don’t try to convince me to stay, Deaky. It’s done.” Roger crossed his arms and closed his eyes, turning his face. He was loving it.

“Let’s give them some space.” said Brian.

Roger saw him and Freddie walking out the studio, but before that Freddie got closer to the drummer’s ear and whispered “Drama queen.”

He waited for the two leave the studio. John was still shocked with the blond’s decision, and he ran his hands through his hair, torn. He’d had an idea that there would be some drama today, since it’d be the first day back after that crazy tour they went on, but he never imagined Roger would do that. The drummer loved the band.  
Roger took deep breaths. He would throw all he felt, and this time seemed so real, so right. “John, I-“ Roger took a step forward, but he looked at something on the mirror that divided the studio. Freddie and Brian were watching them from the other room. “Freddie, Brian, I thought you said that you’d give us space.” and he saw Freddie pointing to his own ear and then shaking his head.

“I didn’t hear what you said, darling.” Freddie said after pressing the intercom bottom.

“I said get out!”

“Actually we don’t have another place to go, Rog.” this time it was Brian who answered. “Sorry, mate.”

“Of course you don’t.” murmured Roger, not believing in their friends’ cynicism.

“Can you tell me what this means?” John’s voice was bossy. He had already recomposed from the announcement and now he was angry, how Roger predicted.

Roger only had one chance. He knew how much he had hurt John and that he had to reward him a lot for all the dumb things he had done on the way, but there was still a chance, far and blurry, of making the right choice.

Even now, with John in front of him, with hands of his hips, upset and angry, he felt the need to grab him. _Damn, he wanted to kiss him so bad_. There weren’t many days that he didn’t think of John’s kiss, and now that he thought about it again his mouth was prickling, missing the old and desireful addiction. Even though Roger was a carnal man and he loved sex, what he’d missed the most of John (besides John himself) was his lips.

“John, I can’t go on with the band because...because I can’t stay close to you.” Roger, said, taking a step forward.

“Wow. Is it so unbearable to you to see my face?” John rolled his eyes. “Grow up, Roger.”

Roger laughed. That was exactly the answer he expected from his Deaky. “You don’t understand.” Roger continued. “I _can’t stay close_ to you.”

“I heard it the first time, Rog.”

“Christ, why do I love everything about you?”  
That caught John off guard. Hearing Roger using that verb to talk about something that wasn’t his own car (John still had _millions_ of jokes in his head about the song) was something unthinkable to him. But yeah, there was something different in there and about Roger from the moment he got in the studio, he could feel it. There was nothing about the pair being physically apart for a month, or about them spending the rest of the tour, after the fight on the bus, acting like little boys, he knew that. There was something good, actually, he noticed by the way Roger looked at him, how Brian and Freddie seemed anxious for Roger’s news (and how they didn’t even seem shocked by it), but especially because his heart was beating so fast.

That month break was everything to John. All he had thought about the blond, during all those years, he finally accepted. The feelings, the anxiety, the excitement, the illusion. While he watched his wife sleeping, so calm and innocent, he decided he wouldn’t change his life because of his deep feelings for the Queen drummer. The idea of quitting the band passed through his head too, because he believed that it would be a relief for both of them, but then he thought of Freddie and Brian, and how he liked his dynamics with them (even still), and how the band was working out and ready to make a new album. Quitting was out of question. So he promised himself that he’d act like a grown man and handle any situation that could happen between he and Roger.

And there they were, in front of each other, already breaking the deal that the brunette had made with himself like it was nothing. But that was alright, because Roger said what John had wanted to hear for years, even when he still didn’t understand or accept it. What Deaky felt when he was around Roger escaped of all the certainties he had in life, of all the projects he built until he was nineteen, and that fell when he did that bloody audition for a uni rock band and he saw a pair of shining blue eyes staring at him with curiosity. He married Veronica out of denial of his vivid dreams he had involving the band drummer and a van, for God’s sake!

“I love your harsh comments and the way they make me laugh, as well as your habit of making fun of everything Brian, Freddie and I say every day.” Roger put his right hand on John’s cheek. “I love the way you play, so focused, so intimate, and make me be a better musician too, you love to give me tips on how to play, even though I know more about playing the drums than you.” He saw John giggling. “I love how we all care about your opinion, because you are so mature, even though you’re the youngest of us. But that not everything I love about you.”

Roger couldn’t believe he could say all of that without stuttering. Not that he’s a man that stutters, but...That was the first he had brought up a subject like that, that he talked about...And he knew that if one day he felt what he feel for John he could stutter. But he didn’t. He was very impressed with himself, but he really expected he was impressing Deaky though.

“You are the only spot of security I have in my life, and you can calm me down just by looking at me.” Roger blushed; he was being mushy. “Deaky, you’re one of my best friends, to the point where we can talk about anything from cars to my childhood traumas, and you know that...that took a while to talk about, and when I told you I felt so good, because I knew I could trust telling a secret like that to you.” The blond bowed his head and took a deep breath, and looked again to John. “You’re my morality and reference for sanity, and I know I crossed a line when I look at you and you’re making that face, which is cute, by the way. You’re so fucking cute, John, do you have any idea? I never thought that someone could be that pretty waking up in the morning, but you surprise me again.”

And there he was: John was ashamed. Of course he’d be ashamed when Roger would talk about his looks, so typical. His cheeks got slightly red and Roger felt the need to squeeze and kiss them, so he did, and then he reminded that, in their current situation, the blond should have asked to the bassist’s consent, and he regretted acting on impulse.

“Sorry.” Roger curved up his mouth, awkward.

“That’s alright. Keep going.” John encouraged him.

“I’m always surprised that you can look at yourself in the mirror and not see how pretty you are. It’s suffocating, you know?” Roger touched John’s cheekbones with his thumbs. “I don’t know how people look at me when you are _right next to me_! And your body...” Roger took a loud whistle. “Don’t let me start talking about it.”

“Please, describe it.” they heard Freddie’s voice in the room. John cracked, laughing.

“I’m trying to express myself here, Freddie. Shut your fucking mouth!” yelled Roger.

John and Roger laughed for a few seconds and then looked back to each other one more time. There was a lot of history between the two of them, a lot of joy, but a lot of pain too. Roger’s words were still on Deaky’s ears, and they were so beautiful and so good to hear, and he imagined if the drummer had thought on them that way, or if the blond’s impulsiveness made put them in order. He couldn’t imagine a prettier speech, even if he tried, but maybe it was because was made by his drummer, and not for anyone else.

He wanted ( _so badly_ ) to be able to look to those blue eyes with no fear or resentment. He wanted to hug Roger after everything he said, he wanted to kiss him (how he missed that bloody mouth!) and never let him go. John knew he always would be smiling if he was between those skinny arms, smelling Roger’s cologne. But he had suffered (without anyone seeing, but he had), and it hadn’t healed yet, he still remember the trail of tears he left on his pillows, and the pain he felt when hepractically opened up his hand after hit a glass (it wasn’t worth it, the internal pain didn’t go away). _Why did Roger have to have those stupid blue eyes?_ It got hard for John to say something when he got lost in that ocean.

“Roger...Do you really think that saying beautiful words and being kind to me will make me forget what you did to me in the last months?” John was still clearly hurt, Roger noted by the way he glanced, and the blond felt his heart getting tiny.

“I was the most idiotic, cretinous, stupid...” Roger started to count, and he saw John didn’t stop him. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“Please.” John just nodded. Roger curved up his lips; _of course_ Deaky wouldn’t give him a break.

“Anyway, I was fool enough to think that if I...if I...” Roger felt his heart speed up. He saw John raising his eyebrows. “It’s okay, I can do this.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am. I thought that if I pretended that I didn’t lo-love you, it’d be easier.”

The drummer saw John change after hearing that phrase. His eyes got brighter, a glaring green, a colour that only showed up with the most Deaky’s charming smile, and it was really there, making the man even prettier. Dimples popped up on the bassist’s cheeks, and Roger melted. And he just came back to himself when he heard John humming.

“‘Didn’t?’ In the past?” asked the youngest, crossing his arms.

“You can be annoying sometimes, Deaky, you know that?” Roger laughed and leaned closer to the bassist. Now there was no space between them. Roger’s hands moved downwards until they found John’s waist, and Deaky stayed quiet, waiting. “I will say sorry to you till my last day, and I will try my best to make you forget, even for a few seconds, all the shit I did in those last months, and-”

“Are you really _holding me up_ , Roger?”

“It’s just that I really don’t wanna say this in front of Brian and Freddie.”

“Oh, darling, not for that. I’m gonna turn the mic off.” Freddie said, and he made Brian and him turn around to the wall.

Roger leaned his face to John’s, brushing his nose against his, and he noticed a little smile showing up on the youngest’s lips after the touch. Their eyelashes were too close, and the blond could hear Deaky’s slow breathing, and he got scared for his own heart, which was about to break his ribs, because of his happiness. John’s hands were on his nape, now, his fingertips caressing Roger’s hair. “John, I love you. Is ridiculous how much I do.” whispered Roger “And in some absurd lucky way, I think you love me back.” John opened his mouth, pretending being outraged. “No, don’t mess with me!”

“For once on your life you should pass through the experience of not being fancied. Unfortunately I won’t get the honor.” John whispered back, shaking his shoulders.

“Is that your way of saying that you love me too?” Roger raised his eyebrows.

“Maybe.”

John closed the tiny distance between their lips and kissed Roger. No more pain or misunderstanding, just the unique flavour of that kiss, full of nostalgia and recognition. Roger’s hands wrapped around Deaky’s body, wishing he would never let him go again, asking for that belonging, and John holding firmly Roger’s neck, not giving space for him break the kiss ( _oh, like he really wanted to_ ).

But, between one touch and another, they noted something: it looked like they never had left each other. There was still the same electricity that rounded their bodies when they were together. It was impossible to replicate that, even if they tried. Since the first kiss, since the first night together, there was a synchrony.

The blond noticed that John wanted to kiss him more, and he knew where this could go, so he thought it’d be better stop him. He kept his lips away from John just a little bit, and exhaled. “Don’t think you’re gonna catch me with just kisses, John.” said Roger. “I opened my heart for you, damn it!”

“Of course you’d love a speech.” John laughed seeing Roger biting his own lower lip and shaking his head. “Ok, I’ll try.” John caressed the blond’s hair, gently. “I lost myself in the moment you said your name for the first time. You are one of my best friends too, and even though people talk so much about your looks, you are prettier for being careful with me...well, _most of the time_.”

“Alright, alright, I already get it that you gonna throw this in my face sometimes.”

“I didn’t even start, Rog.” John giggled. “You always made me feel well, included, accepted and comfortable, inside and outside the band, and maybe that, more than you being devastatingly handsome, was what made me fall in love with you.” the youngest saw Roger smile. “And even through you chasing me in my dreams I didn’t want to accept what I felt. I wasn’t honest, after all.”

“Neither of us were, Deaky. I did all that shit just to avoid my feelings, remember? Don’t blame yourself for this, ok?”

“I felt like a foolish teenager around you, spending all day wishing that you winked at me or flirted with me, and hating the days you didn’t give me attention.” John put his hands on his face. “I even sound foolish now, it’s so fucking weird!”

John passed few moments that way, and Roger put his hands in his pockets, uncomfortable. John was having regrets? “So...What are we gonna do?”

The brunette took his hands from his face, and glanced at Roger, intrigued. Maybe he had confused the blond, so, just to clarify, he grabbed Roger’s hands, crossing his fingers on his, and he saw Roger watching this with a smile. In the end, Deaky gave a long kiss on Roger.

“We’re gonna do this together.” said John.

They smiled to each other, finally feeling complete.

“Guys...” they heard Brian’s voice. “Can we come back?”

“You can.” John waved.  
Roger and John saw a contained smile from Brian, while Freddie came to the studio with his hands up and shouting ‘Finally!’.

“I swear that if you hadn’t settled that today I’d lock you in until you kissed each other.” said Freddie. “At least that won’t be necessary.”

“Thank you for making this moment so intimate and not awkward at all.” Roger joked, smiling to his friend.

“And that’s what we get for helping those little birds, Brian.” Freddie turned to his curly-haired friend, putting his hand on the other’s chest.

“I just hope you don’t need our help anymore.” commented Brian. “We really need to start this album, you know.”

“Oh, darling, we are talking about Roger Taylor and John Deacon. Of course they’ll need our help.”

“Should I thank you for watching us?” John raised an eyebrow.

They decided that it was time to sit down and see what they had written for this new project, and what they wanted to do on this one. Roger refused to let go of John’s hand, and the youngest didn’t mind it.

“Just to get this clear.” John looked to Roger. “When you said about quitting the band...”

“Just for dramatic effect.” Roger shrugged his shoulders, like that was nothing.

“Of course.”

The lunch break came pretty fast and they decided to get lunch together, and before they got in the restaurant, Freddie was reminded of something. “John, what are you going to do with Veronica?” asked him.

“Veronica?” John wasn’t paying full attention on Freddie because Roger just whispered that later they would go to the blond’s flat and he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for answer.

“Your wife Veronica.”

“Oh.” John wided up his eyes. “My wife.”

“The mistress role fits you very well, Rog.” laughed Brian.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you think of :)  
> And the real deal will begin!


	6. Life is tough

Later that day, John was laying on Roger’s bed, the bed sheet only covering his ass, and he was about to take a nap when he felt fingers passing over his spine, crawling across his skin, a touch so delicate and soft that it made him smile, and he opened his eyes again. Roger was watching his own actions, until he felt John’s eyes on him and he looked in his direction. They were only few inches apart, but Roger closed the distance between their bodies. “Damn, why you are so fucking gorgeous, hun?”

“You’re amazing me today. How was this romantic side locked up all this time?” teased John.

“And risk letting everyone know I’m like that? I need to keep the bad attitude as my brand mark.”

John laughed more, not believing how stupid he was to think that this day would be horrible, and how low his expectations were for their meeting. He imagined shouting and a fight, and not even in his brightest dreams did he picture Roger saying what he felt about him, and now the bassist believed they could be happy together.

It was the most quickly turned tables he had ever seen.

He could just stay there, laying on the drummer’s messy bed, fucking him every single day, and sleeping in the blond’s arms. God, it would be a dream life for him, but John knows he can’t do this everyday. They weren’t in the farm anymore.

“John...” Roger’s voice was so low and ashamed that the brunette almost missed the drummer calling him.

“Yes, love?” John moved his head to look at Roger better.

“Brian teased about it, but I need to know. Eh...Will you leave your wife?” and he almost immediately rolled his blue eyes. “Oh crap, I’m already talking like a mistress,” and he looked to John. The youngest looked ashamed and worried, like he was having a real dilemma, and Roger saw John’s breathing get heavier and his blood pressure get higher; maybe John wasn’t ready to make this decision. “Hey, Deaky, take deep breaths. Just...Just calm down, I don’t really need this answer right now, ok? Actually, it’s not a big deal for me.”

“Rog, you don’t need to say that just because-”

“I’m not just trying to be nice to you.” Roger put his hands on John’s waist to connect their bodies, and brushed their noses together, and he heard a positive sound coming from the bassist. “I don’t really care about Veronica. I know you love me more than her.”

“I...I don’t actually love her. I never did.” John whispered, and his green eyes saw the blue ones getting brighter after the last sentence. “I always loved you, even when I only dated her. I know I’m a horrible person to using her to hide my feelings, but...We can’t...At least not right now.” now his voice was sad. “We’re getting famous just now, and we’re getting into enough fights because of Freddie. Imagine how it’d be if they knew Queen has three men that fancy men.”

“I see your point.”

John knew that Roger wasn’t thrilled with the idea of hiding anything; he wasn’t either. He wanted to be able to hold him and kiss him anytime he wanted it, even if it was in a hotel room or in a park. The world was still pretty against their love, plus they were famous **and** rock stars. The last type of people that anyone could think could be gay. But his worry was mostly because of Roger’s temper; John knew the drummer, if he woke up with the wrong foot, he didn’t give a fuck and would do whatever he felt like, and this could include saying or doing something with John in a public place.

The oldest also knew that his impulsive behavior could cause them trouble, and he knew he needed to stay more cool for now on, or they wouldn’t have been successful. Roger wanted so badly to kiss John or hug him tight in the streets like John probably did with his wife...The drummer was already wrapped enough in the mistress role, apparently.

And he saw John smiling.

“Let’s go to my house.” said John, with excitement.

“Uh, I don’t know if I’m ready to have sex in the bed you sleep with Veronica in, Deaky.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Just let’s go.”

They got dressed and went to Roger’s car. John spent half of the ride asking Roger which the car was that he made his song about, and if he just wanked off or if he really deflowered his car, laughing in the process. The drummer just rolled his eyes, he was too happy to argue with John, so he turned his radio on, and it’s in the first chorus of his song. He looked at John and gave him a goofy smile.

“This song...Is really about me?” asked Roger, without stopping smiling.

“I told you weeks ago. Why? Did you not believe me?” John raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know...I thought you’d be joking with me. You know, just to make me feel guilty.”

“I’d never do something like that, you bloody moron.” the youngest giggled, not believing the other’s mind.

Roger smiled and rolled his car window down, shouting “THIS SONG IS ABOUT ME, YOU FUCKERS!”  
John cracked from laughing, but soon he tapped Roger’s left arm. “For Christ’s sake, Roger, put this window back up!”

“Okay, okay.” Roger laughed and did it. “It’s just...I love this song.”

“You didn’t until I said it’s about you, liar.”

“That’s Freddie’s song.”

“I hate you.” John can’t resist and laughed again. He’s just stupidly happy.

“No, you don’t.” and Roger winked.

A few minutes later they got to John’s house. It was so clean, with some kids toys on the floor, some of them gifts from Roger, and he liked John’s son like he was his own. The kid had no blame for the mess the adults have made in their lives, plus he had the same kind eyes his father had.

But this time the kid wasn’t here, he was at his grandma’s house with his mother, as John said. They were in the living room, and Roger gave a dirty smile before going to touch John’s arms from behind him. And he whispered with a husky voice. “So is the house just for us?”

“Can you, please, stop thinking about sex?” John smiled, shaking his head with amusement. “I brought you here for something else.”

John grabbed Roger’s hand and leaned to the stairs, the blond getting curious with the real reason John brought him to his house, now that the brunette didn’t say a word about it, even on the ride there. But he knew how John worked; he wouldn’t say anything until they reached their destination, so Roger remained silent, even with the anxious inside him.

John opened his bedroom door and went in, Roger following. The joke about them fucking in the bassist’s room was on his tongue, but he kept it to himself. He saw John release his hand to go to his closet, looking for something, Roger getting more curious. What could make Deaky drag him to his home to find something? He stayed still, waiting patiently for John (not really patiently, actually) until he saw John grab a small wood box. On the top of it there were three letters, JRD, written in a golden well-written shape.

John sat on his bed, and Roger thought he was allowed to do so too, so he walked to it, sitting by John’s side. He took two silver keys from his pocket, Roger slightly seeing a D on them, and with one of them he opened the box, and he looked to Roger. “I use this box to keep some of my precious things. It’s pretty silly, but I’ve had it since I was a boy and-”

“It’s not, Deaky.” Roger nodded, making the bassist smile. “I mean, I have a safe, it’s basically the same.”

John started to show Roger all he had there. Some baby pictures of him, also his first photo with his son, some significant objects that John explained to he drummer why they were there, Roger listening with attention. And then Roger saw a paper he could swear he had seen somewhere, and he took it without asking John’s permission.

It’s the original lyrics from his song. Roger started to smile when he looked John’s hand-writing, with some scratches here and there, and he giggled when he saw on the last line of the paper ‘to an idiot’. His heart got bigger (he knew it was anatomically impossible to get bigger in one second, but still) with John’s final note, like he needed to put his note as a constant reminder of how lost he was for Roger (the blond was so fucking lost as well), and he felt his whole body getting warmer inside when he realized that the lyrics for his song were in John’s precious-things box, so he was one of John’s precious thing, by logic. He could melt at any second at the cuteness of _his John_.

His eyes met John’s, and he saw John was watching as he discovered, and he had a proud smile on his face. “I thought...I thought it’s just right, you know? Have the handwriting on this box. Because” John got closer to Roger, and caressed Roger’s cheek with his fingers. “it doesn’t matter if someday I make a song more famous than this, that’s one of the most important I’ve ever done. Because it’s about you, about my deep feelings-”

John didn’t finish his sentence because Roger sat on his lap and kissed him, like he had never kissed the bassist before. The urgency and hunger as Roger sucked John’s lips made the latter moan, and he crossed his hands from Roger’s face to the nape of Roger’s neck, brushing his hair and pulling it between his fingers, and the drummer gasped.

The oldest left John’s lips to kiss his jawline, and then his neck, the drummer’s hands quickly opening the brunette’s bottoms from his shirt. He could hear John trying to say something coherent, but he can’t when Roger was biting precisely on his chest. And then John was lying down on the bed, under Roger, again. Shirt opened, the blond’s hands were now on Deaky’s waist, squeezing, and occasionally brushing against John.

The bassist cursed, and then Roger knew that he was doing something right, and he smiled before he brushed again, this time harder than before.

“Roger...We’re not gonna fuck here.” John tried to keep his voice firm, but he found it difficult when Roger was absolutely smokin’ hot on his lap, with devilish blue eyes.

“Are you sure?” and Roger laid down to John’s ear, and whispered “Because your cock isn’t telling me the same.”

“John? Roger?”

Veronica was in the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is also named Veronica? :)))))


	7. I've only got myself to blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some ghost readers, but I need to know if this project deserves my patience and time, so please comment

The two got up from the bed when they heard the woman’s voice. John started to button his shirt while Roger was fixing his hair and taking deep breaths, trying not to have a hard cock in front of Veronica. 

“Where are you, babe?” asked Veronica from downstairs.

“In the bedroom.” shouted John, and he looked to Roger, searching for something that would show they weren’t just hanging out in there. With a lower voice, he said “Stay cool, Roger.”

“I am cool.” Roger said, but he wasn’t cool _at all_.

They heard the woman’s steps as she climbed the stairs, the sound getting louder as she quickly got closer, until they saw Veronica look to them with a soft smile, with John’s son, Robert, in her arms. 

Roger felt his worries going away when he saw Robert smiling at him, and the drummer walked to Veronica, the baby lifting his arms to the blond, and Veronica gave the baby to him. Roger wasn’t too into kids (he never liked kids, even when he was one), but he liked John’s son so much, and he knew he’d like Brian’s children and Freddie’s cats (he also knew Freddie would never have children). And Robert liked him as well, and he grabbed Roger’s index finger with his whole hand and shook his arms like it was the funniest thing in the world, making the drummer giggle with sweetness.

“How did you know Roger was here, Veronica?” asked John.

“His car was in front of the house, John.” smiled Veronica, with innocence. “And what are you doing here?”

“Roger hadn’t seen the house yet, so after the rehearsal we came here so I could show it to him.” John said this with so much confidence that Roger thought he already had this excuse on his mind if someday they got caught.

“And I missed this little one.” Roger smiled, jumping a little with Robert in his arms, the baby laughing loudly with it. “Did you miss uncle Rog too, little one? Did you?”

Veronica smiled politely before he saw something on her bed, and then she frowned. “John, love, is that your box?”

Roger stopped smiling and he looked to John, and they shared one second look before John looked to the spot too. The brunette collected his things over the bed and started to put them back into the box. “I was just showing to Rog my photo with Rob.”

“You’ve never showed me anything from that box.” Veronica said, using a polite voice, maybe trying to hide her frustration. Her husband was showing something so emotionally valuable to his bandmate and he never showed _to her_. She cleared her throat and smiled again, looking again to Roger. “Do you want to stay for dinner, Rog? I can make that pasta you like so much.”

Roger was uncertain about that, and he looked to John, who just shook his shoulders, and said “Yeah, yeah, it’d be great, thanks.”

“So let me start it. John, can you take care of Rob when I cook?”

“Yeah, sure.” John said, and Veronica left the room.

Roger exhaled silently, like he had been holding his breath for so long. He didn’t know how difficult it would be to look on Veronica’s face until now. He preferred the time he was sleeping with John on the farm, so he didn’t need to see John’s wife; it was easier to not feel guilty.

John put everything in the box and closed it again, locking it with his key, and he was about to put the keys in his pocket again when Roger sat on the bed. “Hey, I want one of those.”

“What?” John was confused.

“I want one of the keys.” Roger gave Robert to John and grabbed the keys, taking away one of them. “You have all the things you love the most on this box, so it’s logical that I should have one of the keys. Like the key of your heart, you know.”

Roger saw John melting over his speech, and the drummer leaned in to kiss John, when the youngest pulled back. “Why does my kid needs to watch you kissing me?”

“What kind of question is that?” 

But John just put his hand over Robert’s eyes and kissed Roger.

☆

  
They were eating the dinner, and Roger already complimented Veronica for the pasta, that was really good. She was shifting between eating and feeding Robert, and talked with the men about her day at her mom’s house and how much Robert liked it there. John wasn’t talking too much; he was still too focused on not messing anything up.

Veronica was looking at Roger’s chest for a while until she asked “What an odd thing to use as a pendant. Who’s D?”

John didn’t understand so he looked to Roger. Past the drummer’s unbuttoned shirt Deaky could see on his naked chest a silver key hanging on a necklace, and a D mark-written on the key. The bassist needed to bite his internal cheek, to hold his desire to laugh. Roger was, indeed, a piece of work.

“Oh, D...” Roger looked to his own necklace, and had to think fast on a female name beginning with a D.

“Dominique. D is for Dominique.”

The brunette next to him felt his mouth dry, so he took a long sip of water.

“Dominique...Is she your girlfriend?” Veronica smiled, looking interested. “I supposed, I mean, you’re wearing something for her.”

“Yeah. She is.” Roger smiled, and gave a quick look to John. “We were friends for some time, but I guess we couldn’t stand just being friends.”

“You, having a female friend? How...unusual.” commented Veronica, giggling, and John looked at her with raised eyebrows, like a warning, but she didn’t care. “And how did you guys meet?” Veronica tilted her head.

“Uh...In a club, some years ago.”

“That’s nice. And why were you just friends? I mean, you never hit on me only because I’m John’s wife.”

“Veronica.” John said with a cold tone.

“It’s okay, John.” Roger smiled, enjoying playing this game. “I don’t know why we were just friends, maybe we never had the chance to think about it, but, a few weeks ago, we did and...we’re getting along. In our own way.”

“I’m so happy for you, Rog. I hope this girl can be the one.”

“I know she is.” and his fork dropped onto the floor. “Oops, butterfingers.” 

Roger leaned down to reach it, but before he got back up, he put his hand on John’s inner thigh, close to his crotch, not too hard and not too soft, just a quick reminder of what they almost did on John’s bed few moments ago, and he saw John swallowing, without changing his expression (that bastard was better at playing it cool than him). He could only do that because Veronica was on the other side of the table, and when she turned to feed her son, Roger smirked to John and the bassist gave him a half amused, half angry glance.

The drummer was loving this dinner, especially because he was doing a word play with Veronica and secretly teasing John, and he was wondering for how long he could keep playing this game. But he was too carefree to mind.

“And when we will meet this adorable girl?” Veronica asked when she turned back to them.

“Yeah, Roger, when?” teased John. “I’d love to meet her.”

“You’ll like her, Deaky. You’re so alike!” Roger softly touched his shoulder to John’s, laughing.

“Seriously, Rog, when can we meet Dominique?” persisted the woman.

“I thought we’d finished with this topic.” commented John, staring at his wife with a silent request to it.

“Oh, we didn’t. I mean, this man needs a good woman to _finally_ settle down.” Veronica smiles, and she saw Roger change his expression when he heard the ‘finally’ tone.

“Sorry, Veronica, but what do you mean ‘finally’?” inquired Roger, trying hard to not sound rude.

John could feel the setting changing, with Roger being less playful and with Veronica being more mean. Not a great combo to have at his dinner table.

“Oh, you know, Rog. One day you need to grow up and find someone to marry. Like a real man.” she said while she ate more pasta.

“Veronica, that’s enough.” John said.

“No, no. Let her talk.” Roger’s eyes were dark, like they always got when he was about to have a tantrum. “Let her say why I’m not ‘a real man’, Deaky.”

“Oh, Rog, don’t get me wrong. It’s just you never had a real relationship, never made a commitment with anyone.” Veronica tried to explain herself. “But John thinks that too.”

Roger looked to John, feeling betrayed. He knew everyone around him thought that he was the band slut; he can’t even argue with that, and he didn’t care that much. He was single and he could kiss and shag everyone he wanted, plus he’s the band member with the most groupies. ‘The biggest member of all’, Brian teased him once. He didn’t mind almost all of the time – but _only_ _almost_. Sometimes he got hurt to think that his bandmates and best friends thought of him like that, like he’s just good looking and empty-headed, with no bigger thoughts. But he didn’t like to show his sadness, and everytime they mentioned it Roger just enjoyed the joke, teasing himself about it.

And knowing that John would bring that kind of conversation to his house – to his wife – made the drummer sadder. He felt exposed, vulnerable, and talking about this during dinner made it seem like it was ordinary. Or worse, that his feelings were not longer validated (even though he never shared about them with anyone, even with John). He couldn’t hide his disappointment.

John hadn’t the time to think, he just saw Roger’s face getting watery, like he was about to cry in front of him, and he didn’t know what he wanted to do first: hug Roger or yell at Veronica.

So the blond took his napkin from his lap, put it on the table and got up. “I gotta go. Good night.” and he went as fast as he could to the entrance door.

John knew he need to talk to Roger before he left; he could handle Veronica later, and his wife didn’t even look concerned with Roger’s behavior – she was pretty annoyed, actually, just putting food on Robert’s spoon and playing with him, whispering ‘Here comes the train’ or something, and John just rolled his eyes. “Well done, Veronica.”

“What? I didn’t say any lies.” she looked at her husband with confusion.

“I’ll deal with you in a second.” and he walked to the door.

John only reached Roger in time because the drummer was having trouble putting his car key in the ignition, so he gave up and started to hit the wheel. “Fuck!”

The bassist got close to the car, leaning next to the driver door. “Rog...”

“Please, I need to get out of here.” Roger didn’t look at him, and this wasn’t a good sign for the youngest.

“Veronica didn’t mean it. She just expressed-”

“I really don’t give a fuck about what _she_ thinks of me.” Roger finally looked at him and his eyes were red. “I give a fuck about what _you_ think of me.”

Of course John knew what this was about. He knew Roger was like that because of him, and if he could go back in time he wished he’d never said those things about the drummer. 

He remember the couple of times he talked to Veronica about Roger’s behavior, how he was at the gigs and at the parties, so free and fearless, just having what he wanted, without thinking twice, because he could and he still can. Actually, John couldn’t judge the blond; he wasn’t attached to anyone, John was. Roger could have his one-night stand anytime he wanted, and even though he, Brian and Freddie teased him about it, it was his business, not theirs. But he knew, deep down, why he made those cruel comments about Roger. In the end, his mistake was talking about it to Veronica, because he promised once to himself he’d never bring his band’s issues home. 

And then he broke his promise. _And look what happened_.

“I was stupid, Roger, and I’m sorry. Please, get out of this car, so we can talk properly.” John’s voice came weak, and that’s probably why Roger agreed. John bit his lip, nervous, and when Roger was standing in front of him he grabbed his hands. “Yes, I said you’re a little raffish and careless with your hook-ups,” he saw Roger open his mouth, shocked. “but only because I was dying of jealousy.”

“Jealousy?” Roger crossed his arms, not buying it.

“First I thought that was because of the girls, you know? You could fucking pick them.” John curved his lips up, bewildered. “But now I know that it was because they could have you and I couldn’t.” and his eyes lost his light.

Roger felt his anger vanish when he saw John ashamed, like he was confessing his feelings about the drummer for the first time, living all of the rejection anxiety over again, and the thought almost made Roger laugh, but he didn’t. Finding out that John had said that to his wife, even that was in a jealous moment, was painful, not because of his words themselves, but because of the person who said them. John’s opinion mattered too much to Roger, more than he could ever describe. It mattered before he’d accepted his love for the bassist, and it mattered even more now. 

“Sorry if I was so selfish to say those horrible words about you.” John lifted his hands to Roger’s shoulders and squeeze the spot. “And I hope you know I don’t see you like that. You’re not just a body.”

“I know you don’t. It’s just...It hurts, you know?” Roger took a deep breath, trying not to cry.

“You’re allowed to be hurt, and from now on I’ll punch everyone who says something about this to you.” John saw Roger giggling, and he smiled. “There it is. I love that smile.”

“You rotter, I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” and John hugged Roger.

It’s what they both needed, to feel each other’s warmth. It sounded so childish, but they couldn’t get apart from each other for so long, like they were holding their breaths when they’re apart and they can only breathe freely when they were touching each other. They were stronger together, and all of those cliches. Roger just rested his head on John’s shoulder, smelling the strong cologne he liked so much and smiling over his soft touch, while the bassist caressed Roger’s blond hair with the kindness he only had with his own son. John loved two men the most, after all.

The two of them wanted to stay still like this forever, just feeling their bodies glued and their arms wrapped, with a nice wind hitting them, their skins providing heat and happiness. But they knew where they were, and their hug was long enough to be a friendly hug, so, as slow as they could allow themselves, they started to pull away, their faces brushing in the process, their noses almost touching, and they felt every part of their bodies that were glued together already missing the contact, the hands being the last ones to rest. 

The drummer almost let his will of grabbing John by the wrist and pulling him back again win, but he refrained. Now he had to learn to not be impulsive.

“Are you mad at me?” John looked, worried, to the blond.

“Even if my life depended on it, I could never be mad at you, love.” Roger smiled, and soon he grunted with frustration. “I want to kiss you so badly.”

“Just let’s get inside.”

“Better not see Veronica for a while, so I should really go.” said Roger, and he got back into his car. “See you tomorrow.”

“Ok.” and he added with a lower tone “I love you.”

“I know.”

John laughed when he stepped away from Roger’s car to go away from there. He waited for the car disappear from his sight to turn around and go back to his house. He needed to talk with his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who will appear in the next chapter?


	8. World filled with sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought a lot, and I won't give up of this work.  
> I know some people can't handle read about cheating, and I'm _against cheating_ , but I want to explore this side of the guys, the unpleasant one.

When John got back to his house, Veronica wasn’t in the dining room anymore, so he assumed she was in Rob’s room. He climbed the stairs, going to his son’s room, and his wife was there, singing a lullaby for their baby, and even though the scene was cute enough to cool his temper, it didn’t. John was still pretty mad with Veronica, and maybe his face showed to her that he hadn’t gotten over it, because she looked at him and bit her own lip, afraid.

He just pointed to their room; John didn’t want to wake up his son with their discussion. Veronica nodded and followed him to their bedroom, and just when John entered and closed the door she started “Listen, John-”

“No, you listen.” John’s voice was raspy. He couldn’t even remember if he had ever had a fight with his wife; of course they had some disagreements, they had been together for so long, so it was impossible to accept every behavior from the other. But John never felt the need to raise his voice or to be truly angry with her. “You don’t have any right to talk to Roger like that. It was way too cold.”

“Honey, I thought we were close enough to speak freely. I’ve known him from years!”

“And even knowing him that long you didn’t realize we can’t talk to him the way you did.” John closed his eyes and rubbed a little, just to open them again. “I’m his band mate and I’d never say anything about how he lives his life in that tone or with those words.”

Veronica just rolled her eyes, tired. “Everyone treats a grown ass man like he’s a baby. It doesn't surprise me he is still acting like one.”

“It’s not like that and you know it.” John turned around. He was trying to stay cool, to defend his man. “Just because you’re saying something that is true it doesn’t mean you need to be cruel. You know how to be smooth when you want to.”

The woman knew, since the beginning, it was a lost cause, so she walked to her husband and hugged him from behind, leaning her face on John’s back. “I’m sorry, John. It’s just...I can’t stop thinking about that stupid box.”

“What?”

She walked in front of him, and John was still confused. “You showed something so important and intimate to him rather than to me. I’m your wife, and we...we have to share things with each other, not with someone out of the picture.”

Shit. This was one of the remorse moments, right? The ones you feel when you know you’re doing something wrong with someone and you think you should tell the truth to the person you’re hurting but you don't have the balls to tell them. John could feel his stomach hurt and an invisible hand choking him, but even though the words ‘I don’t love you like you love me’ were on the tip of his tongue, those words never came out ( _like me_ , he thought, almost giggling).

Not that John was always frigid with Veronica. There was a few times that he felt something for her, like when they kissed for the first time, when Veronica gave him a great blowjob before his first gig with Queen, when they did anal on their honeymoon, and another little moments in between. But most of the time he can’t feel the fire every love song or every novel talks about, and months ago this annoyed him, because he married her and he had a child with her, but his love for his wife still wasn't enough, but, after his journey with Roger, his heart finally accepted his lack of love for Veronica. Because his love was Roger Taylor and no one else.

What a miserable life he’s building.

“I’m sorry if this hurts you. I had no idea it could get to you that way.” John heard his words coming so soft out of his mouth, but to him it looked so empty and meaningless. “It’s okay, honey. Tomorrow I’ll go with you to the studio and I’ll ask Roger to forgive me.” Veronica put her hands around John’s neck, smiling, and gave him a little peck.

“Roger didn’t seem very well when he got out of here. Give him more time.” that was true, but John didn’t want his wife around the studio. And he thought he had to follow the script, so he accepted Veronica’s lips again, and when she started to take off his clothes.

☆

Roger got into the first pub he saw. The drummer really needed some shots of vodca, just to start.

He knew he said to John he’d never get angry with him, but still hurts knowing he was, someday, John and Veronica’s pillow talk. He could imagine the scenario, and everytime it popped on his mind, the more he wanted to get pissed. Some heads turned to him when he got in (as usual, plus he’s a bit known now), and he asked for five shots of vodca, and with every shot the image of the couple in their bed got more blurry.

Roger didn’t know if he was angry because the way Veronica said or because, deep down, some part of him agreed with her. One day he had to marry, stop the crazy rock star i-don’t-care-about-commiment-just-let’s-get crazy life and pull himself together, make kids and all that stuff. But the problem is...he wanted this with John, only with John. He really didn’t care if it means have a secret wedding, with less than twenty guests, adopt kids as single parents and all those things to cover the whole gay couple thing, as long as he could have him. Maybe if Roger had figured he loved John sooner he could...

“Forget about this idiot and go drunk.” murmured Roger, before drink the last shot.

He started to look around. A crappy song was playing, and groups of people were talking here and there, everyone on their own little worlds, and Roger couldn’t care less about it. He just needed someone who he could talk to.

And his eyes stopped on a woman with long black hair. Her eyes were great with perfect eyelashes and a black eyeliner. She smiled with a friend, and then their eyes met, Roger saw a bright glance for less than a second, and then she got back to her friend. The drummer felt the need to talk to her, and, luckily for him, her friend went to the ladies room.

He walked to her, and just when he was close she noticed. The woman batted her eyes with curiosity. “Hi, gorgeous. I’m Roger.” and he showed his best charming smile.

“I’m Dominique.” she said, not smiling back at him.

Roger couldn’t believe on his luck.

And, without asking permission, he sat on a chair next for her, and he saw her raising an eyebrow. “I know you. I already went of one of your shows. Queen, right?” Roger just nodded, maybe not knowing what to say, still amazed. “But I thought your boldness was just a persona to the stage. I guess I was wrong.”

“Salty.”

Dominique just shrugged. When her friend saw Dominique talking to a blond hot guy, she just went to another booth.

The conversation between they two was pretty easy. Dominique was curious about Roger’s life, and let him talk for the most part of the time, and Roger, of course, loved her attention. At first he talked about how was being in a rock band, the album making process, the writing songs work, the stage feels, the trips and everything else. He even shared the crazy stories about the tour he made on USA with Dominique. It’s like Roger could feel his blood running through his veins again; a delightful feeling of being alive was craving on him, and watching a beautiful woman listening to him like she was truly interested on his life was amazing as well.

The drummer, of couse, let her talk too. Dominique’s life was more boring than his, but he listened with the same caring that she did, and sometimes he asked some things to her, making her smile, liking the fact that he was paying attention to what she was saying. The barrier she made at first was easily destroyed. He was, indeed, someone likable.

“Now that we know each other better, you can tell me why you want to get drunk.” Dominique said, more comfortable with him now.

“I didn’t follow you.” Roger wanted to get drunk, of course, but he tried to play dumb. He knew girls don’t like to see anyone get pissed.

“I saw when you ordered five shots and you drank it as if they were water.” Dominique tilt her head.

“Rough night?”

Roger thought for a second. He had a pretty good chance there, because he probably would never find another Dominique as pretty as her (he knew how shallow was hismthoughts, but he didn’t mind; he just needed her for some weeks, maybe some months). And that’s why he asked “Can we get out of here? It’s too loud.”

Dominique agreed and they got out of the pub.

And then Roger started the most epic fake love story of all: how he fell in love for a girl in the last summer and how they promised to love each other until the end of times, how they made love in the beach and how beautiful she was in the moonlight, and how her parents never accepted their relationship and dragged her out to somewhere between Portugal and Spain. The blond even cried a little to emphasize his sadness.

They were in a park when Roger finished “And in her last letter she said to me that she would never see me again, but she’ll always remember all the moments that we shared.” Roger looked to the ground, looking sad.

And he heard Dominique laughing, hard. The blond looked at her and she was hugging her own belly, cracking. He raised his eyebrows, waiting her to finish her moment.

“That’s the most horrible story I’ve ever heard.” Dominique finally said, after a moment, then she straighted up. “Now tell me the real story, Roger.”

Roger smiled. He already liked her.

And he did something stupid. He said the truth. All of it.

Again, Dominique listened to him with attention, nodding when she needed to, and not getting shocked when she heard that John loved Roger back. And the drummer told to her the key story, and that was the first time she looked to the key that was hanging on his chest. She touched the key, and looked to the D.

“D from Deacon.” she said, in the end.

“Yes.” Roger nodded.

“D from Dominique.” the woman added.

Roger looked at her with curiosity, and she gave him a playful smile.

“I just did the math.” Dominique got closer to him. “Am I wrong?”

“Not at all.” Roger put his hands on Dominique’s waist.

She was, indeed, gorgeous, and her lips looked so tasteful. But they’d never be John’s lips. And when he touched Dominique’s body it didn’t feel right like when he touched John’s earlier. It’s not like he wouldn’t desire women anymore, but his heart, right now, was more strong than his dick. And his heart belongs to John Deacon.

But he knew what he needed to do. So he kissed Dominique, and she kissed him back.


	9. Broken pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing a time-travel Dealor, what you guys think?

The next days Roger was struggling thinking if he should talk about Dominique with John soon. One day or another the bassist (and the rest of the band) will find out about her, because Roger will show up with her at the parties and start to go to places with her, so the press would know that the Queen drummer had a girlfriend. But he knew that the other three deserve to know the news from him.

So, when they called a break from the meeting, the blond got up quickly, and said “Before everyone goes to the break, I need to say something.” his band mates looked at him, waiting for the announcement. “I’m dating someone.”

Brian frowned, amused. “We know, Marilyn.” and Freddie couldn't help it and laughed, John just rolled his eyes with Brian’s joke.

“I mean I’m dating someone else.” the drummer bit his tongue, afraid of their reactions.

Brian kept frowning, now really confused, Freddie put his hands over his mouth, shocked, and John stood up, really believing he heard it wrong.

“What do you mean with ‘someone else’?” John asked, putting his hands on his hips.

“We should get out of here.” Brian said to Freddie, the other nodding.

“No, you should stay. It’s band business too.” Roger shaked softly his hand. “As you all know, John and I agreed to not come out.”

At this point, Freddie and Brian already knew about the dinner at John’s, and they both agreed it was for the best that John and Roger’s relationship stay a secret; even Mary didn’t know about it, Freddie certificated to not mention to her. 

“And I guess it’d be a good thing if I started to date someone, even if it's for just a few months.” Roger put his hands on his pockets. “So I met Dominique.”

“Dominique?” Freddie asked, a bit surprised. “As the Dominique you said to Veronica?” and Roger nodded. “What a lucky bitch.” and both giggled.

“I know. And she’s very nice. She’s french...”

“Wow. You know what they say about french girls...” Freddie gave a promiscous glance to the blond.

“Oi! I’m right here!” John’s voice came more jealous that he intended to.

Roger laughed as he sat again next to John, enjoying the lightly red colour on John’s cheeks, and he kissed there. “You know I don’t love her. The only thing I feel for her is sympathy. But she’s a good cover, and we can’t waste this opportunity.”

“I know, Rog. It’s just...it sucks.” John looked at the drummer with dismay. 

“Sucks as hell.” Roger just agreed, not thinking at anything that could cheer him up.

He knew he should tell to John that Dominique knew all their story, but he couldn’t. John’d freak out and kill him for telling to an absolute stranger about them. To be fair, he’d do the same.

They went to a break and John and Roger passed five minutes in the bathroom, kissing like teenagers, and Roger even said that out loud. John wouldn’t mind the sloopy kisses and Roger’s hands squeezing his ass sometimes, a trail of kisses going of his chin to his neck, making him gasp and losing his sense of space and time, and his skin shivering when Roger’s hands passed through his pants, touching him over his boxers. His mouth got dry, and he wondered how the hell Roger could have so much power over him and his body, and the bloody bastard knew, because John swore he saw a smirk on the drummer’s lips.

“We need to go back.” the last thing he wanted is to rehearsal right now, but he knew he had to. And the way he spoke, so low and choppy, can’t help at all.

“Why it looks like you don’t want to?” and Roger’s filthy tone, plus with his squeeze, made John pulse. _Down there_. And the blond bit his own lip, his teeth passing through it in the most lascivious way. Roger saw John looking to the hand inside his pants, reflecting. “Just say the word, Deaky.”

And John was about to say fuck rehearsal and ask Roger to suck him, but they heard Brian saying loud “Hi, Veronica!”

“Shit!” exclaimed John, getting Roger’s hand out of his pants.

“Uh, stay here for few minutes, just to cool down, ok?” said Roger, before went out of the bathroom.

Roger took deep breathes before he came back to the studio, and he saw Freddie and Brian talking to Veronica. The woman looked happy and laughed about some joke from Freddie, tapping softly his shoulder, and she smiled when saw the blond.

“Hi, Roger.” the woman walked to him and gave a quick hug. “Where’s my husband?”

“In the bathroom, I guess.” Roger just shrugged and walked to his drums, sitting behind it.

The woman copied the drummer’s steps and stopped next to him, looking a little worried, and gently touched Roger’s shoulder. “Rog, I think I own you an apologize.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Roger gave to her his best fake cheerful smile. “Everybody has the right to have their own opinions.”

“But I was indelicate with one of my husband’s best friends. I’m so sorry. I can be bitchy sometimes.”

“We all can.” 

Their talk ended when Veronica saw John getting into the studio, and she literally ran to his husband. It was pretty stupid, since they were only few steps apart, and that they weren’t teens anymore. And only Brian and Freddie saw Roger rolling his eyes when Veronica wrapped her arms on the Queen bassist, while the man tried his best to return the affection.

“Veronica, what are you doing here?” asked John. “Where’s Rob?”

“What kind of question is this, honey?” Veronica batted her eyes, quite confused. “I can’t see Queen rehearsal anymore? I was always allowed to.”

“Of course, but now we have a son.”

“My mom wanted to spend the day with him, so I let it and thought it’d be a good idea to spend my day with you.” she seemed a little hurt that her husband didn’t like her idea.

Roger couldn’t help himself and made a angry groan, and Brian gave a warning glance to the blond.

“It’s...There’s nothing exciting going on here, just us picking the best lyrics and creating some riffs and beats. Are you sure you wanna stay?” John looked to her like he was saying her to go.

“I promise I won’t disturb you guys.” she said with a gentle smile, and John just gave up and nodded.

The rest of the day was the band discussing about two songs, one of them being a Freddie’s song. Brian was already creating the guitar riff, the others taking notes and lectures, even though Brian hated it when they did (and even though Brian loved to do to them).

Veronica watched their conversation sitting in the corner, in complete silence. Most of their talk was nothing but sounds to her; she didn’t understand what they said, like they were speaking in greek or portuguese, but she didn’t mind, because she liked to watch John working, like an indispensable piece of that machine called Queen.

But what she really wanted to see she was already seeing. Sitting too close to each other, discussing over a paper Freddie showed to them, touching playfully each other’s knee, laughing about some inside joke, dancing around each other (figuratively, of course), sharing glances. The woman could see a different shine between their’s eyes, sparkles flowing. She could see and feel that there was something different in there, and for some reason she had sure that everyone there knew that. Something on her hurt when she realized that was the first time she saw that gaze. She never...

Veronica stood up suddenly and went to the group. “John, honey, I just remember I need to visit a sick friend. See you at home.”

John nodded, but he didn’t recall any Veronica’s friend that were sick; she would have told him. “Ok, honey.”

And, without warning him, Veronica leaned on and kissed John, copping her hands on his face, opening her mouth to grab John’s upper lip with the teeth. The bassist was with his eyes open, watching his wife kissing him with passion; they weren’t used to inflamed displays of affection in front of anyone. And he, for sure, wasn’t kissing her back, but he allowed her to keep kissing him.

Brian was avoiding the scene, keeping his eyes on his guitar, pretending he was looking for some broken string, even though knew his guitar was prefectly intact. But Freddie and Roger couldn't stop looking to the couple, each one with a different feeling: while Freddie was amused and analyzing Veronica’s behaviors since she got there, Roger was annoyed and thinking how fake it was the whole relationship of them.

The drummer didn’t care at all about Veronica being John’s official partner. He kinda liked the feeling of danger and doing something forbidden. What he really hated is to know that John kissed another’s lips that weren’t his, that he fucked someone else that wasn’t him. The knowlegde that John’s body wasn’t only his caused him nausea. Yeah, the bassist already said at least ten times that he thought about the blond all the time, but the queasy feeling still persisted. He’s still getting used to the whole _I’m-so-fucking-in-love_ situation.

When Veronica pulled away, she smiled when whispered to John “I hope you keep some energy left to later.” and she straighted up and looked to the other three, that were pretending they didn’t see the whole scene. “Bye, guys.”

They waved to her and watched the woman exit the studio, Freddie got up and went to the door, looking Veronica getting into her car and leaving. “Ok, she’s really gone.”

“So let’s go back to the meeting?” John said, with no emotion. But he felt Roger looking at him. “What?”

“You have lipstick on your mouth.” Roger said, and he brushed his thumb, quite aggresivily, on the bassist’s mouth, trying to clean it, and with a few brushes John was clean again. “There it is.” and Roger gave him a peck.

“I can write a song about Roger’s jealousy.” Freddie laughed loudly.

“Not ashamed of.” the drummer just took a cigarette and lit it.

☆

John came home late. After the rehearsal finished, Roger dragged him to his apartment and they spended some time together. Some sex, some tv, some nap, some sex again. It was quite a good day, in John’s mind. And right now he just wanted to eat and rest.

And he found his wife waiting for him in the living room, watching a soap opera, with Robert sleeping on her arms. “Hi, honey.” he said, kissing her on the cheek and going to the kitchen, starving.

“I didn’t know the meeting would take so long.” Veronica commented, with a fake polite voice. 

“We went out for some drinks after that.” lied John, putting some food on his plate, and walking to the dinner table to eat.

“Okay.”

John wanted to ask about her sick friend, but he was too tired to do it, so he just sat quietly and started to eat. He saw his wife getting up of the sofa and getting upstairs, probably to put Robert on his crib. The man wasn’t specifically thinking of something, but suddenly he started to humming a song melody, and he enjoyed it, and soon some lyrics started to pop up on his head.

After he finished, he cleaned the dishes and ran to his room, to find a paper and a pen to write the lyrics before they vanished from his head. John opened the bedroom door and went directly to his writing desk, grabbed a paper and the first pen he saw, and started to write, pretty excited with how easy the words were coming to him.

“John?” he heard Veronica’s voice, and he didn’t believe that he didn’t see that his wife was in the room when he got in. So he turned around, and she was laying in their bed.

Naked.

John wasn’t blind, he knew how hot his wife was, and how any man (or woman) would be lucky to have her on a bed like that. Some people already complemented him for how beautiful Veronica was, and when Roger, many years ago, called “lucky” for taking her home everyday. When Roger, Brian and Freddie helped him to run away and marry her was fun, but in the end of the day, after the honeymoon, John felt empty. Like the whole ceremony and the sex they shared were nothing.

“Veronica, what are you doing?” John knew how stupid his question was. Of course he knew what she was doing and, most important, what she wanted. Veronica already said verbally what she wanted. Many times, to be frank.

“I want another baby.” her smile now was more raw and savage, and she put her knees and hands on the bed, getting sexier.

“But, Veronica...We don’t have money for another child. Not yet.” John tried to put some sense on her.

She got up on the bed and walked to him, her long hair swinging over her breasts. When she was in front of him, Veronica grabbed one of John’s hands and put on her ass, and she waited for some reaction out of him. “Do you not think I’m desirable?”

“Of course you are, but-”

Veronica didn’t waited to the end of the sentence, and she kissed him. John knew he had to finish this, so he put her legs around his waist and kissed her back, walking with her to the bed.

The paper rested in the desk, unfinished for now, and in the top of it was the name of the new song. _You and I (RMT)_.


	10. Love in every way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope there's still someone here.

Freddie’s birthday was always a fun day. The man have always liked a good party and he knew how to make one. So when John and Veronica went to Freddie and Mary’s house, they already expected loud music and more people than a normal flat could have room for. They were welcomed at the door by Freddie, who was wearing a sparkly outfit, the same one he used at the last tour, and he was thrilled with their gift.

Brian was already there with Chrissie, Roger was somewhere in the party, and Brian said they will meet Dominique today, and the Queen bassist could swear he saw something different in his wife’s eyes after Roger’s girlfriend was mentioned. For some reason John wasn’t worried about Dominique; Roger said that she’s a good lady and wouldn’t create any trouble for them, plus John knew the drummer’s type, so she’d be a good cover for them.

Some minutes later Roger showed up, with a cigarette in his lips and a glass of whisky in his hands. “Hey, mates!” Roger greeted John and Veronica. “You are not gonna believe this! Mary has a friend who swallows swords! It’s so fun!”

The party lingered and Roger was always doing something: dancing, drinking, chatting. Distracting himself was, for him, the best way to be around John and his wife. They were constantly touching each other, and he knew that John needed to play the part and look affectionated with Veronica, but he couldn’t help himself. It was too much for him. So the best thing he could do was to avoid staring at them.

And when Veronica went to the bathroom, the blond leaned on John and whispered “Do you know what would be good? Fuck on Freddie’s bedroom.” and he laughed. He should be quite drunk.

John looked at him, giggling. “You can’t be serious, Rog.”

“I know you wanna fuck me, Deaky.” teased the drummer, making sure no one was watching them; Chrissie and Brian just left to grab some food. “Just a quick one.”

John knew he shouldn’t do this, because of Freddie and because of Veronica, but God, Roger was wearing an unbottomed white shirt with a tight trousers. They wouldn’t have much time, and they needed a good excuse when Veronica got back, but the drinks were already affecting John’s judgement.

So he just turned around and walked to Freddie’s room, and he could see Roger following him. John opened the door and let Roger get in first, so he did too and closed the door.

And Roger saw it happening: John’s sight changed, his posture got lofty, and a devious smile approached on his face. The brunette pushed Roger to the door, and attacked his lips, with the passionate fury that Roger liked so much, and a gasp escaped his mouth when John bit his upper lip.

“We got five minutes, Rog.” John smirked when he saw Roger catching some air, and soon he put two finger on the blond’s mouth. “Unbottom my pants.” he demanded.

And Roger did while he sucked John’s fingers. This vision was pretty sexy for the brunette, and when the drummer unbottomed and unzipped his pants, John’s cock was almost hard, and the blond passed his fingertips on it, but John snapped Roger’s hand. “Don’t. Now unbottom yours.” the bassist could see Roger’s fingers shaking when he unbottomed his trousers, it slightly falling to the floor. 

John started to rock his crotch on Roger’s, the friction between them making Roger opened his mouth to loudly moan, but the bassist put a hand against his mouth, and a dark sparkle was on John’s eyes. And he whispered “I know you wanna groan, Rog. That needy sound you do when you want a good fuck.” and his wet fingers passed inside the drummer’s underwear, crossing his ass to find the center on it. Roger felt the tip of John’s fingers curling on his entrance, just teasing him up, and the brunette hushed Roger’s gasp when his fingers got inside the blond. He didn’t move at first, just so the drummer get used to it, but John saw the blue eyes staring at him, signing he wanted more, and John leaned to slowly bit Roger’s ear lobe. “Why are you always so needy, Rog? I gonna fuck you, love, nice and good.” and he started to move his fingers.

They didn’t have time to be smooth and gradual, so John’s fingers got fast in a second, and he felt Roger curving his spine with the pleasure, the drummer’s mouth not escaping of the bassist’s hand. John use his nose to put aside Roger’s shirt, and he planted kisses between neck and shoulder, biting sometimes, and he could feel the drummer’s breathe in his hand, so he rocked again their cocks, Roger rolling his eyes. He probably would come on his boxers, and it’s quite ridiculous, but he couldn’t help to think how hot it was.

“I’d like to hear you gagging my name, but you can’t help himself to get fucked on a party, can you? I know you like me fucking you good, Rog.” John said while he brushed his nose over Roger’s neck, passing the tip of his tongue in the end of every kiss. “What a nice ass you have, by the way. Hmmmm, so tight and wet. So nice to me.” and John put his fingers till the end and stopped, trembling them inside Roger, and the blond shut his eyes, not handling his own hard cock, feeling it pulsing with the most pleasurous pain.

He could see Roger’s body curlying up when he put a third finger. A couple of seconds and bingo! A fuggy moan in John’s hand, when the bassist found the right spot of the blond’s prostate, and moved his digits on it, seeing the other man crying out. “What, Rog, are you gonna come? Are you gonna come for me, my love?” John’s voice tone had a bonus effect to his, with a low mischievous sound, and...could be the most cheesy thing Roger ever thought, but John calling him 'my love' turned him on.

Roger was seconds to come when he felt John’s hand realesing his mouth and pressed on his cock. It was one of the wildest feelings the blond ever felt: the pleasure and the drowning were too close that somehow they became one, and his whole body scowled and probably all his cells shivered. He fell on the door behind him, not feeling his legs anymore.  
His eyes were tired, but he tried to focus on John, who was giggling with his tragedy. “What the fuck you just did?”

“Did you really think I’d let you come in your pants during a party? And worse, at Freddie’s bedroom?” John tilt his head. “You’re really insane. I just...made something for you to think about it, later, in your own place.”

“You perv. I’d kill you if I didn’t love you so much.” Roger said, taking deep breathes to cool down.

“Only you could make me do something like that, but how I could say no to this pretty face of yours?” John gave him a quick kiss.

“How can you jump from fucker John to cute John in less than a minute?” asked Roger, with a adoration on his eyes.

“It’s part of my charm.” teased the bassist. “Now you go first, I need to...” and he pointed down to his trousers. He’s still hard. Roger moved towards him, but he shook his head. “No time for this.”

Roger was about to open again the door when he turned again to John with a smile. “I like when you call me ‘my love’. Keep doing that.”

“What else would I call you?” teased John, and he watched Roger leave the room.

☆

  
Roger just left to Freddie’s front door, with a cigarette on his mouth, when he saw Brian and Chrissie smoking there too. “What are you doing here?”

“Too crowded in there.” replied Brian, his wife nodding. “Why did Freddie need to invite the entirety of London to his birthday party?”

“It’s Freddie.” Roger just sthruged.

Brian giggled and looked to Roger for a couple of seconds. Maybe he finally decided what to do, because he turned to Chrissie and said “Sweetheart, can you go back inside? I need to have a word with Roger.”

“Ok.” Chrissie didn’t even ask what that was about, she just gave him a little peck and went back inside to the loud party.

Brian waited for his wife to climb the small stairs and open the door, and just when she closed it behing her, he looked to Roger, with a more concerned look

“So Veronica asked where the hell you and John were.”

“Hun, did she?” the blond just kept smoking.

“No ‘Where’s John?’. She asked ‘Where are John and Roger?’. You two really need to be more careful.” the oldest saw that Roger didn’t care much about what he was saying, so the grabbed the drummer’s arms, to catch his attention. “I’m serious, mate. If you want to play like this, that’s cool. But you don’t need to ruin Freddie’s party with an angry wife beating you and John.”

Roger hated Brian because he knew his friend was telling the truth. They were impulsive and careless, and it was way too easy for Veronica to start looking for John and find her husband fingering him. He tried to have fun in the party, but everytime he looked to John and Veronica smiling and dancing, he...he wished that he could be her. _Not physically_ , but he wanted to be with John. He wanted to be able to dance with John in front of everybody, or after some joke he could laugh loudly and rest his hand on the bassist’s chest. So stupid, he thought, but that's what he wished for. And he remembered how dumb he was to spend their time in the farm avoiding John’s touch and how now he wanted it more than ever.

“I know, Brian.” Roger said, after a while. “But sometimes I feel sufocated, you know? I was an idiot to think that it would be easy.”

“We all think it’s easy.” commented Brian, squeezing Roger’s arm, supporting him.

He needed to make some rules with John, and they need to make some changes so Roger didn’t feel that way anymore. First of all, John couldn’t bring Veronica in every band party, and he would do the same with Dominique.

Speaking about her, Roger saw the woman walking in the street, looking to the side, probably trying to figure which was Freddie’s house, but she didn’t have much problem, because Roger was there, so he waved to her, and, even in distance, the blond saw Dominique smiling, and she fastly walked to him.

The guitarist watched the interaction and realized who she was. “Is that Dominique?” asked him, and Roger nodded. “I hate how lucky you always are.”

And they were laughing when the woman reached them, and she gave him a concerned smile. “Good night. Are you laughing at me?”

“Never, baby. So, this is Brian May, some geek I know.” Roger presented the other two.

“Never trust what he says to you. He’s a sick liar.” Brian said when he extended his hand to her.

“Thanks for the warning.” she giggled when she catched Brian’s hand to shake it.

“I know everyone loves to talk about me, but please, tonight is all about Freddie.” Roger said, teasing.

Brian laughed more and leaded the way. Roger and Dominique left behind, and the blond whispered on her ear “I didn’t tell to John that you know about us yet, so if you please-”

“Don’t say another word. I got you, hot stuff.” Dominique winked to him, and Roger smiled. 

“And tomorrow we’ll have an interview for a magazine, and I’ll talk a lot about you, so get ready to be ‘Roger Taylor’s new girl’.”

☆

  
John really liked her. The woman was pretty charming and polite, and she wasn’t just a girlfriend trophy to Roger; she talked more with Freddie, John and Brian than with Roger, and she even danced with Freddie. Roger’s friends really approved her, and, at some point, they felt kinda sad when they thought she wouldn’t be around for much longer.

And when John said his thoughts to Roger, he smiled and said, in a low tone “I could fall for her if I already wasn’t in love with someone else.”

“I can step back if you want to.” teased John.

“Too late, mate.” and Roger smirked to him.

Dominique was talking with Freddie and Mary and gave a quick look to Roger and John, and they were smiling to each other, like the rest of the world didn’t exist.

And she smiled. What a catch.


	11. Deep inside

Roger was already packing his clothes. Tomorrow he needed to take a plane very early, so he only would have time to shower and eat a quick breakfast; what he could get ready today he should to. He was already excited to this tour, because, thinking of the last one, he was way more happy than A Night at the Opera Tour. He was more than okay with John, and probably could sleep every day with him, cuddling and waking up next to the man he loved.

His phone ringed, he answered. “Hello?”

“Rog?” asked a female voice the drummer quickly recognized.

“Hi, Dominique. How are you?”

“I’m good. Just letting you know that a magazine sent me a gift basket and asked me if I could make a interview with them.” Dominique’s voice was joyful, and Roger thought she didn’t expected this kind of attention when she agreed to be his fake girlfriend.

“That’s nice.” smiled Roger, sitting on his bed. “But you feel comfortable to being interviewed? If you’re not, you don’t have to.”

“It’s okay. I just didn’t imagine that someone could be interested to listen to a rock star’s girlfriend, you know?”

“It could be fun, tho.”

“Yes.” Dominique said, a little nervous. But she was nervous because of something else, so before she could rang out of nowhere, she asked “Roger?”

“Yes?”

“Can I go with you to the tour?” and she quickly added. “I know Brian and John’s wives don’t go more often to the tour, but I thought that-”

“Of course you can go. It’d be great. Have you ever gone to America before?”

Dominique felt her heart going faster. “No, never!”

“So you will tomorrow! But I’ll pass in your house at 7:30 am, so please don’t be late.”

“I won’t.”

When they hang off, Dominique yelled with excitement and jumped. She went to her bedroom and started to look for some clothes and heels she could wear in America. The brunette thought that Roger could make excuses to her not go, and not want her around (he wanted her around for one thing, after at all), but it was pretty easy and he couldn’t be happier. She remember that the interview she told Roger about would be in a couple of days from now, but actually, just right now, she didn’t care about the interview anymore; that could wait.

She looked to her Polaroid camera. Yeah, she could use it.

☆

The tour was, until now, insane. Parties just for them, girls asking to get their bodies “autographed” for them, people hiding on their rooms just to sleep with them. Every city they passed was a new level of craziness, and, somehow, they’re loving it. That's exactly the kind of life they wanted, with all the fuzz and screaming, even though sometimes they had a little awkward moments, like when one fan kissed Roger out of nowhere.

They were somewhere at America, in another party after the concert, with a bunch of rich people they didn’t know but they had to be polite to and talk with them like they cared, with groupies and roadies. They were actually having a good time, but Roger was constantly looking to John, waiting for the brunette’s glance to get out of there and go to the hotel and make something they really wanted more than being there, but John was pretty good talking with Dominique and some fans. Their days were always busy, with sounding check and interviews and parties and little somethings that annoying Roger more than ever now, so the only moment they really could have a moment on their own is when they went to the hotel, so they could talk and kiss and make love. Roger and John were always the last ones to go to bed, so they could go to the same room without anyone noticing. 

So, when Roger was waiting for John’s sign, he was talking to a groupie...Or better, _she_ was talking to him, because he wasn’t actually listening to her, he just was making ‘hum’ and ‘yeah’ all the time, and, because of his lack of attention, he didn’t notice her getting closer to him. He only minded when he felt her hand on his shoulder, and when a naughty voice came next to his ear and said “I always wondered how is the taste of your lips.” and, without more warnings, she kissed Roger. The groupie put her hands on the drummer’s face, to not interrupt the kiss, but in the moment he felt the girl’s mouth on his, he pulled away. But, of course, some people were already watching.

“Too forward this young lady, hun?” and he almost laughed, but the blond stopped half way when he saw John’s face. The bassist could burn the groupie with his eyes if he was capable of. Deep down the embarassing moment made Roger feel great knowing that John was jealous. He’s an adult and he shouldn’t feel this teenager sparkle, but he couldn’t help himself; it was already too big and too good to pretend it wasn’t there.

John was pretty quiet when they went to the hotel, smoking too much, worrying the others three, even though they already knew what it was about. Even Dominique knew what was hoing on, and, after they came in the hotel, she told Roger to talk to the bassist. And when they got into their room John remained silent, maybe having internal fights, and Roger hated it; he didn’t like to see John in pain, even more when it’s for something stupid. It’s so random and unexpected that he still wanted to laugh, but he didn’t because of John.

He didn’t even _liked_ the kiss. 

Roger was almost sleeping, John cuddling him, and his state of conciousness was so low that when John asked “Did you really not enjoy that kiss?”, the blond had to think what the hell he was talking about, so then he remembered.

“Of course not, Deaky. What a silly question.” Roger rolled over, facing John, who was wearing a jealous-and-ashamed-mixed face.

“Actually it is not.” Deaky bit his own lip, insecure. “You had a lot of girls, and a bunch of guys, all over you. If you could pick anyone in the crowd you could take them. You even have a fake girlfriend, and-”

“And the only person I want to laid down and sleep with is you.” Roger smiled, and passed his index finger on John’s noise, who closed his eyes, liking the soft touch. “I love to see your jealous side...”

“Of couse you do.” John smirked.

“...but I don’t like to see you having doubts about my feelings.” and John opened his eyes to look to Roger. Emerald meets Sapphire, and they matched.

“Rog, but-”

“The only butt I wanna know is this one.” and Roger pointed with his chin to John’s ass, and the brunette giggled.

And after a long turn of Roger showing ( _pretty graphically, by the way_ ) how much he loved John, the blond thought he still needed to say every word, so, when they were already cuddling (now sweaty and tired), Roger crossed his fingers on John’s, the bassist sounding to mark he liked it, and Roger said, almost whispering “Is my daily job to say that I love you, but you have to know that even when I don’t say it.”

“I know.” John said with a tender voice. Roger showed every day why the brunette fell for him, but everytime the drummer and he shared these lovely moments the bassist’s heart jumped like it was the first time. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve y-”

“Don’t fucking finish this sentence, John Deacon.” Roger pushed him by his hands, they getting more glued than possible. “I don’t care how we’re living our love, as long as I can make you happy, ok?”

So, after that, John finally started to complain about the groupie who kissed Roger: how she was rude since the first moment, monopolizing Roger just to herself, how she talked and giggled loudly, annoying everyone around, how she inappropriately touched the drummer’s body, like she was an old friend, how she kissed Roger without any warning and disrespecting Dominique, (“who was just right there!”, John raised his voice suddenly, even though Roger was next to him), and how she was determined to not break the kiss. Roger wanted to laugh with John’s jealousy storm, but he was really tired. “Love, let me sleep, please.”

☆

In some afternoon they were in a quick break from the shows, so they wanted to spend their day just by themselves. No party, no stranger people, no groupies. So they said to their roadies to book the indoor pool the hotel have just to the four of them, so they could enjoy a private moment.

Oh, I meant, _the five of them_.

John could win an award for not scream loudly when Roger said to him, a week ago, that the drummer’s fake girlfriend knew, since the day one, they had an affair (Roger used the french word just to humour John, but, obviously, didn’t work out). “What the fuck were you thinking, Roger Taylor?” the bassist asked with his hands on his head, so close to have a breakdown.

“I thought that-”

“You don’t...” John heard his own voice. It’s pretty loud, so he took back. “You don’t have to think. You need to fucking _tell me!_ It’s not just your fucking life, Rog, it’s mine too. It’s Queen's life!” and he saw Roger making a really sad face, like a five year old kid who just got caught stealing candy from some store. “Don’t fucking dare to make this face to me, Rog, I’m serious! I like Dominique, but I meet her for, like, five minutes? We can’t trust anyone.”

The feeling of anxiety and claustrophonia was coming back. He never told John about these suffocating moments he experienced, because it wasn’t John’s fault (even if he was being pretty mean right now); John was right, he couldn’t trust someone he just met a few months ago. But, still to this day, Dominique never did anything to make him not trust her, and actually she’s always so kind with him and with the other three.

He could imagine Freddie and Brian’s future jugdemental looks to him already.

In the moment he raised his voice he felt guilty. Even if Roger did a wrong decision, he wouldn’t storm out on him; they were something bigger enough to break up over fights, and he knew how hard is to not have a discussion when you’re in a relationship, specially when the other one was the drummer of Queen...or should John say ‘drama queen’? The sadness on Roger’s features were finally working on John’s protective skin. He needed to say sorry to his lover right away.

The blond look to John, and he could see, under all the anger and annoyance, a big plate of fear. Of course he’s afraid: his career, his marriage (Veronica could make that he couldn’t see his child again, but Roger would never say that out loud; John would freak out only with the thought), and all the homophobia he would handle in the streets. Right now none of them was as brave as Freddie was (Roger, and John and Brian too, of course, knew that someday Freddie and Mary would split out, and he would find some guy to live with until his last days), and they weren’t ashamed of it.

He reached the brunette’s hands and grabbed them, kindly, and came closer. “Deaky, I’m so sorry. I just let you down over and over again.” and Roger put his forehead on John’s shoulder, and started to cry. The bassist hugged him tight, and a tear or two passed through that pale’s face.

“Rog, my love, I’m sorry for my rude words, but please, never say this to me.” John pulled back, and copped Roger’s face over his hands, a sad smile wearing his lips. “Ever again. I...I’m really upset, I can’t deny that...” John feel the air going in and going out his nostrils, to calm himself down. “But we will figure out what we’re gonna do. Together, remember?” the youngest cleaned Roger’s tears with his thumbs. “But, please, don’t ever, _ever_ , lie to me again. We need to think together and decide everything together, right?”

“Why are you always so good to me?” Roger was about to cry again, this time with happiness.

“Am I?” John mocked, pretending he’s thinking, and soon they were laughing. “What else I could do, love? I’m hooked.” and, after staring his with a silliest romantic heart eyes, John kissed him.

They, of course, had a conversation with Dominique, and she was actually kinda relieved that she could talk with everyone and not only with Roger about them. “I was always reminding myself to skip topics that could compromise me and you. I’m glad Roger told you.” And, with Dominique’s soft and trustful voice, John couldn’t not believe on her. The woman was always around, helping them with something backstage, she made the best massages and she always had funny jokes to smooth the mood when everyone was tired or cranky.

John could trust her.

And, unbelievabally as it sounded, Brian was more chill about Dominique knowing about them than Freddie. The oldest just shrugged and said a tiny “fine” when John said they could trust her, and everyone thought it was unusual from Freddie being quiet and contemplative, but they didn’t say anything. Don’t get me wrong, the lead singer loved the woman, they talked for hours and already had inside jokes, but, after all, he couldn’t ignore the weird shiver passed throught his whole body when Roger told the news, and he hated that he’s always right about something. (Maybe Freddie used his sixth sense with everyone else but, when it came to him, he had nothing.)

So, when they were in the pool, just the band members and Dominique, it was a nice moment, and they were just swimming and drinking, just enjoying each other’s silent presence and the warm water, and they were that way until Roger said “Let’s swim naked.”, like it was nothing.

“You have a giant obsession of everyone seeing your dick, Roger.” said Brian, lying next to the pool, one of his hands swinging underwater.

“Let’s do this.” Dominique was already undoing his top, and she immersed to put her bikini pants off. So, within seconds, she threw away the two pieces of chothing, and swam.

Brian and Freddie watched Dominique’s naked body swimming with no shame. Her body was perfect, like a inspired god designed every single curve of that body, and when she showed up again, with his hair wet and straight, she was even more gorgeous. Maybe if Roger and John weren’t so blind with each other they probably would say something about it, but they only giggled with her bold move, with no naughty thoughts about it. Brian and Freddie took their clothes off and jumped on the pool, Roger and John doing the same after.

Later, John, Roger and Dominique were watching a movie on her bedroom, some romcom movie, and she was watching in the couch, letting the bed to the couple. Sometimes she looked at them, Roger’s head resting on the youngest’s lap, while the bassist caressed gently the soft blond hair of him. “You are so cute together.” Dominique pointed, out of nowhere.

They smiled fondly and Roger sat next to John. “I know, right? You probably never saw a couple so damn sexy as we two.” And Roger just kissed John, with passion.

Sometimes John forgot how delicious and vicious Roger’s lips were. That pink mouth liked to surprise the brunette, and even though Roger’s behavior was already known, but, in the end, there wasn’t tiredness or boredom with the drummer. Every kiss was a good kiss, and it made John feel alive, and even if he knew the way Roger put his tongue on his mouth, or the bite strength the blond used, the brunette always got a shiver. His warm skin touching his body was unique, and he wouldn’t ever go back to the mid-nice life again. Roger was heat, excitement and joy.

A weird sound made them break the kiss. Dominique was with a camera on her hands, a Polaroid that looked exactly like Roger had, and the instantaneous photo was getting out of it. John’s heart skipped a beat, and not in a good way. “What was that?”

But Dominique giggled. “Easy, cowboy. I just took a picture of you two.”

“ _I can see that_ , but you can’t take a photo like that.”

“John, calm down. I thought you didn’t have a photo like this...in a intimate moment, so I thought this could be my gift to you.” and she tossed the photo to them. They could see they two showing up in the picture, a glowing smile on both faces when they were sharing a kiss. 

“Thanks, Dominique.” greated Roger, smiling to her. “And sorry for-”

“Don’t worry.” she flicked his hand, like she didn’t care.

Before the movie ended, John and Roger were sleeping on Dominique’s bed, hands linked and bodies glued, so she couldn’t help herself and took another photo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O-oh.


	12. When you're in love

That is one of the last interviews they’re doing in this tour. Roger was already feeling a nostalgia knocking up on his ribs, knowing he only would have a few days to wake up next to John again, smelling his unique aroma, his skin over his, and the brunette’s morning kisses under his neck. He tried so hard to hide his sick face, but, as always, John read him so well, said he was feeling that too, and, somehow, the bassist made every moment they shared alone even more romantic.

Roger was one of those people who didn’t believe that there's a difference between having sex and making love, in the physical way, but now he believed. The voice, the touch, the kiss, the love making was there, ready to be revealed to the blond, and Roger’s pretty sure the bassist knew the bloody difference and said nothing, just waiting for his lover to find out on his own. _Roger’s treasure hunting_. John body was different up him, under him, next to him, and even when the drummer tried to explain racionally, he couldn’t, because John felt bigger and yet softer; devastating but caring. Like the original key for a lock: even when you find a well-shaped copy, there always will be a small scratch, a little stuck moment, a tiny slice of anger for not being the original one.

John Deacon looked for years his original one and it was right there, behind the drumset.

“Where is your girlfriend, Mr. Taylor?” asked one of the interviewers.

Roger quickly looked to John, just to see if he was okay with Dominique’s mention, and, aparentally he looked fine. Now that John knew all the truth he felt more confident next to the woman, and their relationship was better than ever. The bassist, who was in the other corner of the table, briefly nodded, so Roger said, with a fake excited smile. “She was enjoying the town’s mall, just to bring some gifts for her friends, and...Look, there she is!”

Everyone in the room looked to Dominique, who was, like always, stunning, and she gave a wave to the interviewers, and she was about to make her way to her bedroom, when the same interviewer said “Ms Beyrand, could you please pose with Mr Taylor?”

John was already used to it. They always wanted to take a picture to the breathtaking couple of the moment, and he undestood why; they look like a perfect match, like their beauties were meant to find each other and make beautiful babies and make everyone in the Earth jeaulous because any couple couldn’t get any closer to their beauty. And John obviously already took a few photos with his wife, when she was on some party or Queen concert. It’s part of the game.

Usually Roger put his hand on Dominique’s waist, when both were standing, but Dominique made his way to the table the Queen members were and sat on Roger’s lap. The rock stars tried not to show how bold this move was for their relationship; for the rest of the world they were dating for a lot of months, so sitting of Roger’s lap would be a ordinary behavior for them. The woman put one hand across the drummer’s neck and linked her own hands together, giving her best passionate smile, and some clicks were being heard.

“Come on, man, she’s so h...pretty.” the interviewer autocorrected quickly, and put a naughty smile on his face. “Kiss her.”

And, as well, Roger and John were used to this request. The drummer kissed Dominique only when he had to (even their first kiss he felt like an obligation to seal the deal). He had a previous conversation to John. Like he knew sometimes John needed to kiss his wife, Roger also needed to kiss his girlfriend sometimes, and the drummer knew the brunette knew that, but he thought it’d be thoughtful of him to talk about it anyway, and John really appreciated it.

Every time Roger made the move to kiss her, just to show her (and he though, until now, she got that) he’s prepared for the kiss. No tongue, no more than ten seconds. A really prude kiss. His way to show John he’s different with her.

But this time Dominique made the first move, just a blink after the request was made. She leaned and kissed the drummer, opened imediatally her mouth, and the photos will show a lot of tongue in the kiss. Roger tried to play it cool, not thinking she meant it, even because he never said to her how they should kiss, he thought it was a silent agreement.

Well... _it wasn’t_.

She pulled away and peeked him a couple of times and stood up, waved again and went to her room. A rumble fulled the room, talking about the hot kiss the couple shared, and Brian thought it’d be a good thing to make a joke so they could move on. “I made some shopping in the mall earlier, if anyone cares.” some interviewers politely smiled and started the noise again, to make another question.

The blond looked to the guitarist and smiled, greeting him. John pretended the scene didn’t happen and Freddie drank a large sip of water.

He hated when he was right.¿

☆

The interview ended some minutes ago and they finally got their lunch. Brian and John said they needed a shower before eating, and Roger stayed in the hotel restaurant, choosing what he’d gonna eat.

Freddie made a different walk.

He always trusted his guts, but he needed more proof. It’s Roger’s life he was talking about, not some bloody collegue he knew would disappear after he knew he couldn’t shag Freddie Mercury. The lead singer did care so much with the blond, because of the band and because they had a special bonding. John and Brian were his best friends, of course, but Roger always took care of him, already hit the shit out of some idiots who called Freddie names. The oldest knew the Roger would be there, going to see him even in his last breath.

So, he made his way to Dominique’s room. Of course he knew the brunette could have a type, but until now his approach always worked.

Her bedroom door was closed, so he knocked three times, and seconds after he heard rushed steps and Dominique showed up with a hopeful smile on her face, dropping in the time she saw his face. “Oh, hi, Freddie.” she smiled again, trying to hide her frustration, but Freddie already caught her. “I’ll be downstairs in a second.”

“Are you waiting for someone, darling?” Freddie made a mischelivous smile, touching her chin with grace.

“Oh, no!” she exclaimed, quite loudly.

 _Yeah, she was waiting_.

“Dominique, we already know each other for what? Six months?” Freddie went in her bedroom. The brunette stepped behind, agreeing with the man, but Freddie was still going closer. “And I already saw some kisses between you and my dear little Roger...But today! Oh, God, you two made the room get fire!”

“What are you talking about?” Dominique raised an eyebrow, and Freddie did this move many times to not be foolish; trying to show some bold just to scare the other person, but who was actually scared was her.

“I’m saying that I’d like to know is the kiss is as good as it seems.” and Freddie bit his lip, seducing her.

Freddie was decently far to not be creep. She could walk away and he wouldn’t even grab her in the arm. He’s a gentleman, after all.

“Sorry, Freddie, but I like someone else.”

‘Yeah, you do.’ thought Freddie, triumphant (for two fat seconds).

Some people could imagine she said that just to avoid Freddie, but the singer knew she was telling the truth. “Ok, darling, so let’s go have lunch, right? We’re expecting you.” he made his way out, letting Dominique puzzled.

Now it’s round two.

The oldest looked around, trying to find Roger, but he was still in the lunch line. Typical. When he was walking to his friend, he watched if they would be heard, but everyone was already eating, the tables quite far away from them.

Freddie knew how naive Roger could be. Not the most used adjective to label Roger, sure, but when he liked someone he fought with everything and everyone to make them stay. And if the blond didn’t say a word yet it’s because the youngest didn’t see what was coming, and he still doesn't see, so, as a worried friend, Freddie needed to tell something to him. Put, even if was a little one, doubt on the blond head, choosing every word and the tone carefully, so he couldn’t storm off and leave.

“So, Roger...A great interview.” Freddie used his cheerful voice, when he got on the drummer’s side, just to start. “Not the best one, of course. They always repeat themselves. Quite annoying.”

“Yeah. I could get happier without replying every damn time about what’s the difference the drums makes to the band sound.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sure thing. Another thing it’d be great? Stop asking you and Dominique a kissing photo.” Freddie added in a lower tone. “I guess they had enough.”

“Tell me about it.”

Freddie looked again to the place. He really hoped Roger didn’t yell in the restaurant, because there was many witnesses, and some interviewers were already asking about the possibility of the band breaking up. And they always refused.

“But the kiss today...was quite intense, don’t you think?” Freddie didn’t look to Roger’s face, just to the blond’s body, expecting if he’d pull away from the oldest.

“Yeah, sure, but I guess because she did it without thinking too much.” Roger’s tone was pretty chill. The bloody bastard was so fucking blind.

“I don’t really think so, darling.” And Freddie noticed Roger moving to full looking to him, but he stayed still. “I mean, she could fall for you. She’s doing nothing and, BAM, a rising rock star just find her in a pub and-”

“Freddie, mate, I ask you too many advices, but not in this territory, ‘kay?” and Roger walked away from the oldest.

John walked into the restaurant in this moment, and saw Roger walking away with a annoyed look and Freddie shrugged, tired.

Later that day they’re watching the news, Roger playing “walk up” his middle and index finger on John’s abs, stopping in the chest and “running down” to the beginning stop. John really tried not interfiring on Roger and Freddie’s debate, but he wanted to help, so he grabbed on the blond’s wrist, to get his attention, and questioned “Roger, why were you and Freddie fighting earlier in lunch time?”

So John saw them. ‘Great’, Roger figurativally rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to talk with John about that because the youngest could get jealous. Of course, a gorgeous woman kissing in front of him the man he loved? Who wouldn’t? But also he knew how stubborn his John was when he wanted too. His greyish-green eyes were waiting for the answer, as he could wait until the end of the world for Roger’s reply. That’s the man he loved, thank you very much. “It’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it is, but I want to know, anyway.” John smirked.

“Where I put my happiness pot...” Roger shook his head, he saw John giggling. “Ok, but you need to promise me you won’t yell, laugh too loudly or punch something out of nowhere.”

“That was one time, Rog! Let it go.” John tried to not laugh, and failed. “But okay, I won’t.”

The blond bit his tongue, insecure, but John asked him to be honest and to share everything. “Freddie thinks...He thinks Dominique could be liking me. As a real boyfriend and girlfriend thing.”

Roger was really expecting some of those reactions he counted, because John sometimes can be really angry when the bell tolls. The blond waited a couple of seconds, to see some expression changing on his lover’s face, and he did. John was unsurprising.

“Oh. That.” John gave him an condecending smile, that one he will give to his son when he found out the Santa doesn’t exist.

“ _You think that too_?” asked Roger, now he was forgetting his own request to not raise the voice.

“Well...” the bassist showed his teeth, silently saying sorry. “Brian thinks that too.”

“But...why?” Roger looked to the youngest, as the answer was on John’s forehead. “I mean...Why?”

“Love...” John caressed the oldest’s arms with his hand. “When we thought that you were just deluding her, we thought ‘not big, few months later he’ll break up with her and will find another one.’ But when we found out she knew about us, we started to think-”

“‘Share everything’ my ass, hun, John Deacon?” Roger crossed his arms, revolted.

“One sec, love. And then we started to think why would she be here.” John sat again on the bed, letting go of the drummer for a moment. “It could be for money, like blackmalling us, but she doesn’t have any proof that we are together; to promote herself, but she never did that out loud and we never saw her doing that; for travel around the world, but it’s the first time she asked that, and we already made some small trips since you've been with her. So it only rests one thing.”

“But she could take a picture-”

“The only one she took he gave to us, and she said it’d be better hidden by me. She though you’d lose it or something.” he giggled, but soon he saw Roger with a sad puppy face.

“Are you sure?”

“The day next I counted the paper. She only took one photo, Rog.” for John it was like a annoying scratch behing his brain, when he’s about to create a really good song, but this time was a bad annoying scratch. And he feel sorry for Roger, indeed.

For some ridiculous reason Roger rather to be blackmailled by Dominique than break her heart. She was always kind and funny, and a great friend. As the first time he have a female single friend in decades. The blond decided he’d break up with her after the tour. And the thought he’d do one thing. He trusted on his band members, but he was never someone who only sit and accept someone else’s words passively. “Deaky, I need to have a final proof.”

“I knew you’d say that.” John rolled his eyes. That blond was really sttuborn. “One kiss, and because of the matter I’ll allow tongue.” Roger smiled to him, and the oldest was leaning to kiss him. “But I have my eyes on you, Taylor. No funny business.”

“The only funny business I want to do is you, Deacon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dominique: victim or villain?


	13. How it hurts

Roger decided to kiss Dominique in the last night of tour. The other three were aware of it, and did their best to make Roger be alone with Dominique. The blond did his part: spent the most of the night with her, holding her waist sometimes, and, when he wasn’t with her, looked to the brunette from where he was. And it was working: Dominique looked happier than ever and sometimes blushed when they exchanged glances.   


The end of night came and everyone started to go to bed. Roger rested in the hotel bar, drinking whisky. He needed some courage, after all. John didn’t talk to him, just waved when he was taking the elevator. They had tried to not be close to each other that night, to be more accurate. Roger finished his drink and stood up. He needed to do this, fast, so he could go to bed.   


The drummer made his way to Dominique’s room, hoping with all his guts the whole band was fucking wrong and Dominique wasn’t in love with him. If she was in love with him, he would miss her around, even though he knew he had to break up with her someday.   


He stopped in front of her bedroom door, staring at it just to linger in the moment of the truth. Deep down, Roger kinda knew what he’s waiting for; he bragged about it most of the time, but he knew how easily people got attracted to him, and he remembered how many girls cried when he broke up with them. Sometimes the feeling of being that desirable was great, but when came about a person he didn’t want to take out of his life, the feeling wasn’t great; they were pretty close, and being that close could start some feelings, romantic feelings, so it’s almost impossible not having those feelings (on Dominique’s side). He took a deep breath and knocked on her door.   


He waited some moments, put a sexy smile on his face and heard the steps inside the room. The door opened and Dominique appeared, using a silk robe, looking sleepy. “Rog, hi.”   


“Hi, Dominique. Were you sleeping? I can talk with you tomorrow.” Roger gave an apologetic smile, but Dominique grabbed his wrist, smiling.   


“Not at all. Please, get inside.” she opened the door more, allowing the blond to step in, so he did.   


Roger rubbed his hands, feeling suddenly nervous. He’s doing the right thing, wasn’t he? Probably he shouldn’t kiss her one day and dump her the next, but he couldn’t move on if he wasn’t sure about what he was dealing with.   


“So, I was thinking about something the last days, and it can’t get out of my head.” he started, playing cool. 

“And I think you could help me with that.”   


“Ok.” Dominique crossed her arms, intrigued.   


“I was in love with John,” Roger said the past tense verb very slowly. “but now I’m liking someone else, and I don’t know how to tell John about it.”   


A hopeful smile showed up on Dominique’s lips for two seconds, and then she put herself together. “And John knows this person?”   


“He does. He thinks she’s a great woman, with a remarkable witched eyes.” Roger decided to use that because John said this to her yesterday, so this would be fresh on her mind. And the blond saw Dominique blushing, so he took some steps to her.   


Now they were standing in front of each other. She really had remarkable witched eyes, with a powerful glance that almost makes you not want to break the contact. But Roger was already lost to another’s eyes.   


“And when you will kiss her?” asked Dominique, putting her arms around Roger’s neck.   


“When she allows me.” Roger bit his lower lip, looking to her lips with desire. He could be an actor if he didn’t like being a drummer too much.   


“I do allow.”   


Roger put his hand on his waist and pull her closer, until their lips matched. Now the blond understood what Freddie said before: when the kisses between them didn’t mean to be intense and truthful, they were swallow and almost untasteful, but, as the kiss they shared in that interview, this one was powerful and magnetic, deep enough that Roger could feel she wanted him, and he could feel her skin shiver when he squeezed it.   


Dominique started to push him, and Roger step behind until he felt the bed, and the woman pushed to make him lay down, and in a second she was on his lap, kissing him while she was undressing him. Wow, way too fast and more forward than Roger expected. Maybe she was expecting this for so long that she wanted it all in one night. But Roger couldn’t satisfy her.    


The drummer put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away. “Dominique, honey, I need to talk with John now. I need to break up with him.”   


“Tomorrow.” she just said, ready to kiss him again, but he stopped her.   


“No, right now.” Roger sat in the bed, putting the woman out of his lap. “He’s my bandmate, after at all. We need to keep a good partnership after all this.” Roger caressed her hair. “Also we need to stay in secret for at least a couple of weeks, so it doesn’t be awkward. You can understand, right?”   


“I can, Roger.” Dominique remained with a goofy smile. “You know, I was waiting for you to tell me something like this for weeks.”   


“You were?” Roger smiled, affectionately squeezing one of her cheeks.   


“Yeah.” Dominique kissed him again, and she was about to pushing him again her pillows when he stopped her again. “Ok, go finish this already!” and she smiled to him.   


Roger went out of her room and went to John’s, but he didn’t knock. The bassist was lying on his bed, looking to the ceiling, killing time, and he moved when he saw Roger walking to him, with a frustrated face. They were right.   


☆  


They need to play this right, so Roger slept in his own room, and the next morning John barely spoke with the drummer. Dominique found hard to hide her smile, and Roger felt more horrible than yesterday.   


John updated Freddie and Brian quickly about the situation, and they both understood, and tried pretending as well, acting like the flight was awkward for them too, being quiet almost all the time. The brunette woman was reading peacefully a magazine, as she wasn’t feeling any uncomfortable moment.   


The silence helped John a lot, actually. Being in this situation with Roger made him realize how easy it’d be for them to be together. Roger liked Dominique’s company a lot, but he didn’t want to break her heart, and the bass player thought it was the responsible thing to do, even if the woman wouldn’t understand at first. So, if Roger could do that with Dominique, John could do that with Veronica.    


Of course he could never compare Roger and Dominique’s relationship with his marriage. John knew Veronica for more than a decade, they had a journey together, and now they have a child together – and he can imagine his wife using Robert as a card to hold him – but John couldn’t hold onto this like a coward. He wasn’t one, and he couldn’t hurt her anymore.   


Veronica deserves someone who can actually loves her and who can make her truly happy, and he knew that he didn’t make her feel that way. And Robert deserves happy parents, even if they’re divorced. Even if one of them were gay.   


After he felt he’d have the courage to divorce, another picture started to grow on his head: John could finally have a life with Roger. A house together, with a kitchen full with Roger’s and John’s mugs, a living room with the drummer’s TV and the bass player’s  photos on the wall, a bedroom with a double bed where they could sleep and wake up together. A real life.   


When the plane signalized the decline, John wrote a small note, ready to drop on Roger’s lap when they touched the ground.   


Roger opened the piece of paper quickly, happy to see Dominique too busy with her package to look at him. His mouth opened with surprise when he saw John’s writing: _I’m leaving her. Wait for me at home._   


☆  


That’s a lot of yelling and crying, a couple of slaps to John’s face (he thought he deserved more) and fists hitting his chest. Veronica fell to the floor, sobbing and saying that her life was over, and John actually felt sorry for her. He messed up her life.   


“Why?” Veronica asked, rhetorically.   


“It’s not your fault, Ve.” John down on his knees, with a apologetic look to her.   


“You could stay hidden, you know?” she muttered, and John frowned, confused. “You and Roger. I actually always knew.”   


“I...” John was in shock. “How?”   


“I don’t know...I guess the way you look at him?” she sniffed. “And when you started to record A Day at Races you looked...different. You and Roger, so I just realized that you two finally...get along. And there’s that dinner here, you getting angry with me because the way I talked with Rog and you ran. You ran after him, so upset. And there was the hug.”   


John frowned. “What hug?”   


“You two just hugged in front of the house. I- I saw from the window. It was a different hug, like you wanted to hold him on his arms and take care of him. A really emotional hug.”   


He couldn’t disagree – he remembered that day, and John really wanted to take care of Roger in that moment.   


“I mean, there’s always the sharing looks. Like you could fucking die for each other!” and Veronica was crying again.   


John didn’t know what to say, so he only heard Veronica’s little sad sounds. She never deserved what he did to her – no one did – but he was doing his part. Being honest with a woman who only cared about him all the time. The mother of his child needed a life, and he couldn’t steal it from her anymore.   


“I need the divorce, Ve.” he said, glancing at her.   


“John, please! My parents, my friends...My life will be ruined!” she held his hands, begging.   


“It won’t. It’s almost the eighties, people don’t shove divorced women off. And you can get this house, so I can help you to raise Rob. You won’t be unrelieved.” John cleansed her tears, drying her pale face. “You deserve the best, Ve, and I can’t give it to you.”   


They ended up hugging, something John didn’t expect so soon. But he laughed when she said “I still pissed with you, John.”   


“You have all the right.”   


“You’ll sleep here tonight?”   


She knew he wouldn’t.   


John would jump in Roger’s arms when the drummer opened the door, feeling like it was the first day of the rest of their lives.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, love...


	14. It can happen to any one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold the sugar, folks

Roger was never too happy in the morning, but with John in his house, he couldn’t be happier. The oldest was making breakfast and the drummer felt the need to hug his waist and kiss John’s neck, and fortunately he could. They are finally together.

“If this is a dream, I’ll punch whoever wakes me up.” Roger said between kisses, smirking while he breathed on the other’s skin.

“Thank God you’re not lactose intolerant, because you’re cheesy.” teased John, and he turned around, to look in Roger’s eyes. “Rog, we need to talk about something.”

“Are you breaking up with me too?” Roger mocked, pounting, and John gave him a soft slap in the arm. “Ok, tell me what it is.”

“I know I’m here for only ten hours, but...I think we should move out.” John bit his own lip, insecure.

“Why?”

“Here we’re downtown, so it’s too easy to be seen. And we still need to be discrete, so I thought… we could buy a house. The two of us.”

Roger looked to John, the man staring at the floor, a shy aura around him, like he should be insecure about anything he’d say to the drummer. Unbelievable.

“Deaky.” Roger got his attention again. “I’d love too. Of course it’s better for us, so we don’t have to be afraid of people staring or minding our business.” Roger took John’s hand, seeing the bass player grin. “It’s the first step to really be a couple.”

And the next day they were already looking for houses in the suburbs, questioning everything too much. It needs to be the perfect house –a place they could hide away from problems and cameras, with a nice fireplace and a large room so they could build a home studio. They were picky, they couldn’t lie, but it worked. Roger and John found a house in Manchester, with a gorgeous garden and great bedrooms.

The moving day was exhausting, but at least the drummer and the bass player had the help of their roadies. Freddie was there ‘just for moral support’ as he said, and Brian was too busy flirting with Roger’s neighbor – now ex-neighbor – to help with anything. Some of Roger’s furniture wouldn't go with them, because John didn’t like it and the place should be his too, so they still needed to do some shopping, something so mundane to the drummer. He said he’d trust his lover’s taste, and they heard a sceptical laugh from Freddie.

Until their new house was good, they imagined, they waited for a week. When there was no one around, they used every room in a very good way. “We need to fill this house with good memories.” said Roger, while he’s unzipping his own jeans, kissing John on his lips.

During these days, Roger knew that he’s missing something, but no matter how hard he tried to remember what the hell it was, he hadn’t a clue.

But, when he went to his old building to pay the last check to the landlord, he saw in the sidewalk what he was forgetting.

Dominique. 

☆

Roger was too dumb to forget about his fake girlfriend, but with all the news and the new house it’s easy to forget he need to dump her – especially when he didn’t want to.

Dominique was wearing a light smile, and his eyes glowed when they stared at Roger. She walked towards him and gave him a peck on his lips, like it was nothing. But it was to someone who still believes the feeling between them were mutual. “Hi, Rog. I waited quite some time for you look for me. You know, after breaking up with John and everything, but you didn’t.” she waited Roger to explain to her, Dominique’s eyes full of expectation.

“Yeah. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. I forgot to talk with you, sorry.” Roger never felt so awkward in his entire life; he knew how to dump someone, but this time he really cared about the person.

Dominique was someone great to be around, and he really expected that, after some time, they could go back to being friends. He’d step away, to not hurt her, but he’d miss her if she left his life for good.

“I see. I was talking with your landlord. He said you moved out.” Dominique continued, and she crossed her arms.

“I bought a house. Queen is a big thing now, so I thought I deserved a gift.” smiled the drummer, and the brunette smiled back.

“Yes, you do. Maybe you can show me this house today...and we can do something fun there.” Dominique’s tone was pretty provocative, and the blond of course knew what she meant by ‘fun’. Roger remembered that years ago he’d leave everything he was doing and bring this beautiful woman home and spend the rest of the day making all kinds of ‘fun’.

But now his body and heart belongs to one person and one person only.

The woman’s arms were now around Roger’s neck and he could feel that she was about to give him a kiss, so he grabbed her wrists and moved her arms off him. Dominique frowned with his action. It doesn’t match with her expectations of this meeting.

“What is wrong, Rog?” Dominique was confused.

“I thought a bit more...and I don’t want to be with you.” Roger said.

He needed to think fast. What he should do: say that he played with her feelings just to prove a point or say he had second thoughts? He chose the last option.

Dominique opened her mouth, her expression changing from confused to choked and then to miserable. Her perfect eyes were getting watery and her lips were trembling, not trying to hold her emotions.

“We can talk in private about-” but before he finished the sentence, Roger got slapped.

And then Dominique covered her mouth with her hands, tears running in silence down her cheekbones, and she was shaking her head, not believing what she heard. 

“You’re joking. You said you liked me.” Dominique spoke again, sniffing between words.

“I thought too, but after I landed I talked with John again, and we realised we belong to each other.” the blond lied, trying to sustain his story. 

“Why are you doing this to me? I confessed my feelings for you!”

Now their fight was getting a little loud, and people in the street were watching them, curious why such a beautiful couple were fighting and why the pretty girl was crying.

And just in that moment John came out from the building. He wanted to ensure he didn’t leave anything of his in that flat, and also he felt as though he were in a honeymoon phase with Roger, so the bass player wanted to be with him 24/7. So when he walked to the sidewalk and he saw his lover with his fake girlfriend looking at each other like they were fighting he was alert in a second.

“Dominique?” John spoke, making his presence known to the other two.

The brunette’s eyeliner was becoming a black line of water on her face, and she looked a little creepy looking quickly to John, and to Roger, and then back to John. She was thinking of something, and a weird smile grew on her mouth. “John, Roger kissed me. More than once.”

The bass player blinked, trying to keep up with what was going on. The blond widened his eyes and looked to John, trying to communicate with him. But John was smarter than the Queen drummer thought, and in moments he realized what was happening, and why the woman said about Roger’s ‘cheating’. Just to pull them apart.

If he wasn’t hers, he wouldn’t be of anyone.

“Dom, he told me.” John nodded, face inexpressive. “But you know” John put a hand on Roger’s shoulder “he’d rather be with me.”

Roger and Dominique were in shock, for different reasons. The blond was impressed with how John could catch everything on the air. Of course, Roger loves a smart man.

And then Roger made the worst decision you could during a break up: he looked at Dominique with pity. Another slap.

“Dominique, let’s be mature, please.” John took a step forward, protecting the other, who’s heart was now melting from his lover’s action. “You can find another man who really loves you. And I know Roger wants to be friends with you at some point in the future.”

Now Dominique wiped the dirt of her face and pointed a finger on John’s face. “Roger and I were not breaking up.” her voice was raspy and scary.

“I like you, Dom, but please take your finger out of my face.” 

She just put her finger down and gave an angry look to Roger. That’s not the way the drummer wanted to end their friendship, and he thought it’d be pretty hard to be friends again with the woman. Dominique just turned her back to them and walked away.

John waited for Dominique disappear into her car to talk again. “So… this could be better.” and he looked to Roger. He was devastated, and now the bass player was even more upset than before. “Let’s go home, Rog.”

The ride there was silent, and John allowed it to be. He knew Roger needed time to process the whole thing, and to deal with the loss of a good friend. He would miss Dominique too; not as much as Roger, but still. The good part is that she didn’t have anything to blackmail them with. They were safe.

Roger only noticed they were at home when the car stopped. Normally he likes to drive, but this time he asked John to. Dominique’s upset expression was too fresh on his mind, and even he knew it’s the easiest way to break her heart, it’s still a broken heart, and he knew how the feeling. He hoped one day she’d understand him, and she’d call him.

“Roger, don’t be sad. It was better for her. She wasn’t deceived anymore.” John said, squeezing the blond’s hand.

“I know. I know.” Roger gave him a weak smile.

John thought it’d be stupid, but there’s was something he could do to cheer the drummer up. “So I left my wife, and you broke up with your fake girlfriend...” mentioned John.

“So...?” Roger frowned.

“So I was thinking… now I can ask you to be my boyfriend.” 

John saw that beautiful smile of Roger grow slowly on his face, showing his teeth. He was doing right, apparently. “Ask me.” demanded the blond.

“Roger Taylor, do you want to be my boyfriend?” John asked, grabbing Roger’s hand and gently kissing it.

“Finally!” giggled Roger. “Of course I do.” and the drummer erased the gap between them with a peck.

 


	15. To learn to care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite adorable

Veronica still didn’t feel comfortable meeting with Roger yet, but she did allow John to pick up Robert once a week to spend the day with him. The drummer still had the feeling that John could spend more time with his son if wasn’t for him, but the brunet soon took this out of his head; he couldn’t be happier. Having the two men of his life in his new house was pretty great.

And the blond was getting along with the kid. John’s son still laughs with Roger hiding his face behind his hands and show up again, making the baby yell with laughter, fisting his hands in the air with energy. Roger tried to feed him too, and he thought it would be easy – ‘it’s just soup, it’s not a big deal’ that’s what the drummer insisted – but when John came back to the kitchen found Robert babbling something while Roger had a big stain of soup on one of his favorite shirts.

But, after two hours singing lullabies to John’s son, Roger watched Robert lazily blink his eyes until he fell asleep. And he stayed like that until he felt John’s arms around him.

“Sorry for that. He can be really energetic some days.” apologized John, kissing Roger’s shoulder.

“‘Sorry’? Don’t be stupid, Deaks. This is your kid. I loved him before I become his dad’s mistress and I love him now.” Roger winked to the bass player, making John giggle silently, so they wouldn’t wake the baby.

“I know. But parenthood was not your plan, ‘specially when it’s not your biological kid.”

In fact, they had never talked about something like that. Now they didn’t have wives and girlfriends to worry about, they’d have time to really imagine the future; even though buying a house could look like a big step, it’s just one step, and there’s a lot of steps to take. And, deep down, Roger feared that he would never have a chance to discuss this kind of thing with John – he thought the brunet would get bored of him and dump him. He never said this to him, because Roger would know his reaction: roll his eyes fondly and say he was crazy.

But it’s adult stuff, and Roger thought that he had the right to be scared of it.

Even so, looking at that pair of eyes, that were showing such a clear green colour, Roger had no fear. Because as long as in his future John is with him, everything will be alright.

Roger grabbed John’s hand and moved them both to the couch, sitting next to the brunet and looking at him. “I’d love to have kids, of course, and maybe in the future... we can adopt, if you want to.” Roger smiled when John’s eyes got a bright shine.

“It’d be funny to see a little Roger around the house, calling you ‘daddy’”. said John.

“Until then you can call me ‘daddy’”. Roger bit his lip, with a dirty look on his face.

“Jesus Christ, Rog, my son is sleeping right there!” exclaimed John, but not truly angry.

Roger looked to the crib– the crib he had bought after John and Veronica agreed to Robert’s weekly visits to their house– and thought about something that hadn’t crossed his mind until now. “What should Robert call me?”

“That’s something you need to ask him, some years from now.”

Of course Roger would never make John’s kid call him ‘dad’ or anything if he didn’t want to, but he worried that when Robert grew up he wouldn’t like him anymore, or he would see the drummer as the person who destroyed his family. Roger never wanted to worry about it; he knew that he needed to be more mature since he accepted his love for his bandmate but every step he did with John was worth.

And when the blond voiced his worries about the future boyfriend, John hugged him tight and said “Stop thinking about something that hasn’t happened yet. You don’t know you will need to have this talk with Robert anyways.”

“What are you suggesting, Deaks? Do you think we won’t last until Robert starts to speak?” the drummer looked with a mocking suspiciousness towards the brunet.

John rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s teasing. “We just bought a mansion. I want us to last very long.”

Then Roger giggled. “I love planning a future together.” the blond said, caressing John’s cheek.

“Get used to it.”

Robert woke up with a loud cry. John kissed Roger quickly before he went to the crib and took his son out of it. “Rog, put ABBA on. It calms him.”

“Just like his father.” murmured the drummer, going to their bedroom to grab the requested vinyl.

In some minutes the house was filled with ‘The Name of the Game’ playing in the living room. Roger watched at the couch John dancing slowly with the baby in his arms, the brunet singing to him; the only person who could make John sing sober or without the bass player burning up with embarrassment is his son. The crying stopped, followed by Robert resting his head on his dad’s shoulder, and when John turned his back to the blond, the baby stared at Roger, who always smiled and waved at him.

Roger never expected to say that it would be a nice day, but it really was.

☆

Freddie went to John and Roger’s house at the same moment John was going to take Robert back to his mom, and the brunet only left after Freddie promise he would wait for him to come back, because he was playing with some new riffs and he wanted their friend’s opinion.

“So how is married life?” teased Freddie, when John’s car left the street and he and Roger were inside the house again. “You already have a baby!”

“Incredibly ordinary, but yet, pretty great.” answered Roger, smiling with his honest reply. He always hated routine and staying at home, but he loves it now. Anything with John could be enjoyable.

“I’m so happy for you two. Brian and I were so worried after the incident with Dominique.”

“Oh my God, are you two gossiping about our lives again?” joked the blond.

“I really wanted to have better things to do, but I don’t.” they laughed.

“I really wanted us to remain friends, but she hasn’t contacted me ever since, so I guess it’s a no-go.”

Roger shrugged, trying not to be sad about it. Freddie squeezed his arm, comforting him.

The Queen singer was trying so much to stay silent, to keep this visit just a normal one. But he couldn’t forget what he saw earlier that day.

_Freddie Mercury was just getting out of his car. He had a really crazy desire to eat strawberries with chocolate and honey. It’s something he ate in America some years ago, and he really enjoyed, and just today he remembered it and said if he didn’t eat the sugary thing he would go insane. And no one would want an insane Freddie Mercury, so he called his driver to go find a store fulfil his craving._

_For some joke of destiny, Dominique was leaving a store at the same moment. Freddie forgot for a minute that she slapped his best friend only a few days ago, and he smiled at her, but the brunette didn’t notice it. She was crying, wiping away the tears on her face, and Freddie really hoped it wasn’t because of Roger still. He knew how much the drummer missed her, and knew that he could erase their little fight if she contacted him again._

_And then she looked to his direction, and Freddie waved to her, because, despite everything, he really enjoyed when she was Roger’s fake girlfriend. Dominique stared at him for quite some time, and then she showed him a weird expression; the man really wanted that he was wrong, but it looked like anger in her eyes. But, as always, Freddie always believed his gut instinct._

Roger asked Freddie to wait until he took the toys over to the house, and started to talk about everything he bought for Robert, so he could feel happy in his house too, Freddie nodding everytime the blond finished a sentence, because he wasn’t really paying attention to Roger’s epic saga of buying kids toys. His battle inside was still raging, and he was ready to talk to Roger about Dominique.

But when Freddie opened his mouth, John entered the house, complaining about the traffic, and lamenting that he was already missing his son. The bass player gave Roger a peck on the lips, and just seeing that made Freddie decide he wouldn’t say anything.

He still could be wrong.

 


	16. Two lovers together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play How Deep is your Love from Bee Gees

The feeling of waking up next to Roger every day was great, but knowing this would be a regular thing was way better. The brunet was humming, lazily scratching his arms and legs when he opened his eyes to realize he was being watched. By Roger. The Queen drummer was smiling at him, and John wasn’t thinking properly when Roger asked “Will you marry me, John?”

Deaky thought he had heard wrong, so he said “Good morning to you too, Rog.”

“You’re deaf. I asked if you want to marry me.”

John brushed his fingers over his eyes, trying to wake up, and looked again to the blond. “What?”

“Really? Do I really need to go down on one knee, Deaks?” Roger rolled his eyes, but was still amused.

John finally understood what Roger was saying, and he sat straight up on the bed, the drummer doing the same. The brunet parted his lips in surprise, scanning Roger’s face, looking for some sign of a prank or sarcasm, but there was none.

The blond grabbed John’s hands and kissed them, his heart jumping with excitement and nervousness. He had no idea that those hook ups while they recorded Bohemian Rhapsody and Seaside Rendevouz would bring him to this moment. He knew that someday he would ask someone to marry him, but he never imagined that it would be the Queen bass player.

But how couldn’t he? John is his best friend, everything he could ask for, and even when they fought about a song or home tasks, his heart still belongs to him. It’s a lifetime promise, something he couldn’t break.

“I just asked you to be my boyfriend last week.” remembered John, giggling.

“What? Is there a law that forbids me to ask you to marry me?” the blond crossed his arms, just to humour John.

“But we can’t marry, you know. It’s still not legal.” 

“Thank God you’re handsome, because you’re a buzzkill.” Roger allowed himself to kiss John. “Of course, we can’t marry, but at least I can call you ‘my fiance’. A great pet name.”

John rolled his eyes fondly. “I really need more than that if you want a ‘yes’, mate.” smiled John, lying down again.

Roger rolled over to be closer to John, one hand supporting his body while the other one was caressing John’s cheek, making the brunet’s smile wider. The older one never got tired of how breathtaking John was, it was one of the many reasons he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

“John Richard Deacon, born August 19th 1951, it’s been a while since my body and my soul have belonged to me. It’s all yours, and I’m not fucking ashamed of it. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you happy, and I mean it, because you make me happy, stupidly happy, like _butter-commercials happy_ , and it’s fucking stupid, but I don’t care. Because I love you and you love me and if you accept, for the rest of your life my only goal would be to bring you joy and pleasure and all the cheesy things you love. Like that disco song you like. Because you are the light in my deepest darkest hour and my savior when I fall.”

The Queen bass player didn’t hear anything else, just the sound of Roger’s breath and his own heart jumping insanely in his chest.

“So will you, please, marry me?” Roger bit his lower lip.

Was there another way to answer? Was John crying tears of happiness, nodding frantically not enough? Roger kept staring at him, waiting for a verbal answer, and then John said “Of course I will marry you, even if I need to wait 20 years to it!”

Roger gave a loud shout and kissed John, pulling himself on top of him. The blond glued his lips to the brunet, his hands cupping John’s face while the latter was sucking hungrily at the blond’s lips. Their tongues touched and wanted more and John shivered with the sensation. The more they kissed, the warmer the room got, and soon John felt something pressing on his leg.

“I guess _someone_ wants a celebration.” grinned John, and Roger agreed, biting the brunet’s lip.

But loud bangs on the front door made them stop. “John, Roger, I know you’re up fucking yourselves, but this is more important! Deaky, please, take your dick out of Roger!” Freddie’s voice was loud, and John thought it’d be best answer his friend.

☆

So...Freddie’s ‘more important’ thing was that he woke up and he realized John and Roger’s house hadn’t held a party yet, so he called, very early, all the Queen roadies to help him with decoration, drinks, and food. And drugs, of course.

In a silent agreement, John and Roger decided to not say anything about Roger’s proposal, or Freddie Mercury would turn the party into a gay engagement party, with a drag priest and a balloon arc with the rainbow colours. Roger would have loved a drag priest, but not the rest of the craziness that passes their friend’s mind.

They suspected that Freddie was there more to combat the loneliness after his breakup with Mary. The breakup was mutual, but she was a bit distant from him – she asked for space, which Freddie didn’t understand – and it was killing him. But he didn’t want to talk about it, and his friends wouldn’t open the fresh wound.

So they let him work at their house the whole day, Freddie making innumerous calls, and he said “This party will be insane.”

 _And it was_.

☆

They could say that in their party in their house was more people that they didn’t know than people they actually did know. Which they were pretty used to. Freddie’s friends, Freddie’s friends’ friends, British musicians, and musicians that for whatever reason were in England at the time.

“Hey, Deaks, Debbie Harry is here!” shouted Roger, trying to be heard over the loud music. “She could be my next fake girlfriend.”

During the lunch, they talked about the proposal, and they accepted to stick with the plan of Roger having a fake girlfriend; John having a divorce was one thing, but still the band couldn’t handle having three single members. The brunet didn’t mind much, he only asked to not bring the girl to their home.

“Freddie asked me to buy a really specific vodka.” John rolled his eyes, giggling at his friend’s request. “Be back soon.”

“Okay.”

While John was out, Roger talked with some people. Debbie Harry was really funny and pretty, and Roger found himself very engaged in the conversation, and the blonde looked at him with interest, he was politely encouraging her to believe he was into her. She could be a nice girlfriend after Dominique.

Speaking of, she walked to the party, looking around with curiosity, and her eyes found Roger. The brunette downed a drink in one go and went to him.

“Hello again, Rog.” Dominique said, with a smile.

Roger heard that voice and turned around. He was surprised to see her there. This is probably Freddie’s idea; the Queen main singer knew how much he missed Dominique. He would thank him later.

“Dom!” Roger hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad to see you again. I thought we would never see each other after that day.”

“I know. Let’s talk somewhere else.” the brunette suggested.

 


	17. Cut you down

The sounds of the party got quieter as they climbed the stairs, going to John and Roger’s bedroom, because it was the only private place the Queen drummer could find. Brian looked at the pair walking away, frowning when he saw Dominique grabbing Roger’s arm and the blond smiling at her. Something was wrong.

Roger let Dominique go in to the bedroom, closing the door after he stepped in too. The brunette was holding a purse and she smiled at him when the drummer said “I miss you, Dom. I really do.”

“Me too, Rog.” her eyes got already watery, and she pulled him into a hug.

Roger smiled and hugged her back. Besides his mom and his sister, he never had a female figure that meant so much to him. The woman is so easy-going and funny that Roger always wanted her to stay closer, and he really wanted to be her fake boyfriend for longer, but he couldn’t be selfish and pretend he didn’t know about her feelings. It would be way too cruel.

“I’m sorry about the other day. I shouldn’t have slapped you.” Dominique said after he pulled away.

“No, I deserved it.” Roger shrugged. “I shouldn’t have kissed you and then broken up with you.” Roger held her shoulders, with an apologetic smile. “I hope we can be friends soon. Do you think you’re ready?”

“I do.” Dominique flashed a mischievous smile and got closer.

In a fast move, Dominique pulled Roger until he was against the door and kissed Roger, against his will.

The drummer lingered for a few seconds, not understanding what was going on, and when he felt the brunette opening her mouth to deepen the kiss, he gently pulled her away. 

“What the hell, Dom? I just said I want to be friends, and then you kiss me?” Roger was shocked.

“I thought you were saying you want me to be your lover or something!” shouted the woman.

“How???”

“You were friends with John, and then you started to hook up. So I thought...you want to cheat on John. With me.” Dominique took a step forward to Roger.

The drummer noted and raised his index finger. “Stay where you are.” warned the blond.

Roger finally understood that Dominique didn’t want to be his friend, she never did. The brunette always had feelings for him, since the very beginning, and maybe that would never change, which was sad because he knew he couldn’t return the same feelings. So the only reasonable thing to do is release her and walk away from her life, and hopefully one day he would stop missing her.

“Dom, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to cheat on John with you or with anyone. I love him, you knew this since day one, and this hasn’t changed.” Roger spoke slowly, so she could understand. “Now we have a life together, we have a house and we’re happier than ever. Sorry to make you suffer, it wasn’t my intention.”

“But I love you, Rog.” Dominique pouted, and Roger thought it was quite humiliating, being in this position.

Roger sighed. “But I don’t love you, Dominique. I think it’s best for you to leave now.” and Roger opened the door again.

Dominique looked to Roger, and something changed. She wasn’t sad anymore; her eyes held a new light, a darker one. Her breath started getting heavier and a weird red tinge grew on her cheeks. She slammed the door, closing it with a loud bang. “I won’t leave.” she said, simply.

“It’s my house and I want you to leave, Dom.” Roger’s tone was more angry than before.

She put her hand inside the purse, without breaking her eye contact with Roger. “I won’t leave, and you know why? Because I have this.”

And Dominique took a photo out of her purse, and Roger looked closely. It was a picture of Roger and John sleeping in a bed, both dressed but in a really intimate embrace. The drummer’s mouth opened slowly, because his brain wasn’t fully following with the speed of the events.

The blond looked up to her, the brunette displaying a smile not unlike that of a maniac. “I took this picture when you and John were taking a nap in my hotel room.”

Roger’s mind wasn’t working well. He was trying to put the pieces together, but the more he tried, the further away he got, almost like he was floating. Maybe he was trying to not believe the new scene being built in front of him.

Is this a nightmare? The drummer hope it was, but the noises in the house were too loud to be unreal. And the way Dominique was touching his chin while she was smiling couldn’t be just a product of his imagination. Roger’s heart was beating fast, his hands were starting to shake and he couldn’t remember how to breathe. 

Without thinking too much, he took the photo from Dominique’s hands and tear it up, ripping many times until it became just small pieces of paper on the floor. “You won’t blackmail me!” yelled Roger.

But the brunette was calm as ever, like nothing happened. “You silly, did you really think this is the original one? It was the photo of the original photo, and the real one is in a safe place.” Dominique giggled, like she found it funny to see Roger getting mad.

He was doomed. John was doomed. They are so fucking doomed. And worse, their fate rested entirely in Dominique’s hands. 

Roger had never been more scared in his whole life.

“What do you want?” asked Roger, even though he knew damn well what she wanted. John and Freddie and Brian had known it for weeks, but Roger didn’t want to believe it.

Dominique got closer again, and put her hands on Roger’s shirt, innocently touching the fabric. “I want you.”

“And what you will do if I don’t agree with this?” another rhetorical question from Roger.

“This photo will be on the front page of The Daily Mail by tomorrow morning.” the woman’s hands moved up, running to the drummer’s hair, pulling it softly, and she bit her lip. “Queen will be over. You will destroy your, Freddie’s, Brian’s and your beloved John’s work, and will be known as just another faggot. Maybe you can be a Biology teacher, if any school wants to give you a job.” and Dominique thought a bit and added “No. I guess your best shot is being a prostitute.”

Every gig, every penny they saved, every sacrifice the four did to bring their dream to life, everything would be smashed if this photo went public. A part of him wanted so badly not to hide anymore; their love wasn’t wrong or any different than the love between a man and a woman, so having to hide in the shadows was ridiculous, and if this photo was published, he could stop pretending he only liked women, stop the fake dates and the stupid comments on crappy tv shows, flirting with some girl just to play the Don Juan role.

Because say to the world that his heart belongs to the Queen bass player is one of Roger’s biggest dreams.

But unfortunately most people (especially the people that still pay for their albums) didn’t think that way. And another part, the not selfish one, thought how Freddie’s life was made to be a rockstar, of Brian’s smile every time he plays his Red Special, and of John saying that he didn’t know how to be anything than Queen’s bass player – that made Roger ask “So you want me to cheat on John?”

“Oh no. I want you to break up with John.” Dominique’s smile widened.

“What? No. No, no, no. Dominique, please, no.” 

Roger’s vision was getting blurry, and just seconds later he realized he was crying. His throat was aching and the breathing problem got worse, and he put his hand on his chest. Maybe he was dying, but it was for the best. Dying and living without John was the same for the blond.

“I wanted to be your clandestine lover ten minutes ago, I would probably love John to catch us fucking on your bed” Dominique giggled with the thought. “but then you said you don’t love me, so I got pissed. Now I want you only for me.”

And Roger did something he never thought he could make on his life: he begged.

Going down on his knees, Roger whispered between sobs “Dominique, please, I promise I’ll be yours every week, I can give you everything you want. But please, don’t make me break up with John. I can’t, I just can’t.”

The brunette looked down and muffled a mean laugh with her hand. “Oh my God, Rog. How the tables have turned. A few weeks ago it was me begging on my knees, and now it’s you. And to answer you, no. You need to break up tomorrow.” and she gave a peck on his lips and left the room.

Roger’s world was falling. A fucking party was happening because they bought a fucking mansion. It was supposed to be a happy day. And now he had to break up with the love of his life.

The loud noise of the music and the voices were suffocating him, so he went out of his bedroom, not answering people calling him many times, and Roger knew he was crashing into some of them, but he didn’t care much. He needed to get out.

The drummer found his car and got inside, and he was about to start it when he heard someone knocking on the window.

“Roger, what’s happening? You just ran out.” John looked worried. The blond’s eyes were watery, and this worried the brunet more. “Love, talk to me.”

But he couldn’t do this right now, so Roger started the car and just drove away, leaving John behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry


	18. To size

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance.

Roger didn’t know how he didn’t crash the car, because he was almost blind from the tears. A trail was making his shirt wet, a pain burning inside his chest; the drummer was just a mess.

He couldn’t do what Dominique was demanding of him. He wasn’t brave enough to break John’s heart again. Roger lied to John (and to himself) once and it didn’t go well. Now Dominique was asking him to do it one more time.

But this time was different. Now he had experienced love, and understood that no one will ever be able to love him as John does. Now he knew what it really means to have a soulmate, someone who cares about you, someone that would do anything to make you happy.

Roger wanted to be able to not give a fuck about the blackmailing, he just wanted to live his life peacefully with John and grow old with him, to be happy like he always wanted. But he wasn’t selfish, and the band’s life was in Dominique’s hands, and even if some part of his mind was telling him to explain to the other three what’s happening, but he knew he couldn’t risk it. The drummer didn’t know what to expect from the woman anymore. 

A new Dominique had imposed herself on his life. Someone who would do anything for her own pleasure.

And now Roger cursed himself for not seeing this before. He had lost at their first meeting, when he made his biggest mistake – to share his secret with a stranger. The blond was normally good at reading people, knowing if they’re good to be around, but maybe he was so desperate to have a supportive shoulder that his judgement was compromised. _With the one thing it shouldn’t be_.

One moment of weakness, and now he’ll lose everything.

He stopped in the middle of the highway when he started to remember all the moments he had shared with John since the beginning, when they stopped pretending and accepted the fate – _their fate_ – and lived their love. Every touch, every smile, every glance, every ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you too’ they said. The crying came back when he remembered he just asked John to marry him that morning, the brunet giving him that lovely smile Roger adores, and now...

“I can’t. I can’t.” murmured Roger, gasping for air. The pain in his chest was getting stronger.

Roger hit the wheel, the anger on his fists, for he couldn’t see a hole in Dominique’s plan. He couldn’t get out. Now the drummer just needed to dance that masochist waltz.

He lingered in the act, torturing himself with the good memories that he had with John because he didn’t want to go home and break up with the brunet. Each hour that passed Roger got more nervous, his heart getting heavier. That night was the most long and yet the quickest of his life. The sun was rising and Roger knew it was time. The moment to kill his happiness and drown himself in a life of misery.

If he knew yesterday would be the last day he would share the same bed with John he would have held him tighter, he would have told Freddie to piss off and would have made love with John for hours just to fall asleep with him again. His eyes were burning from the crying but the tears were still coming.

When his car parked in front of his house, Roger covered his face, trying to control himself. He needed to remember why he was sacrificing his and John’s love, why their hearts needed to be broken that day. A strong headache was kicking in, and Roger didn’t know if it was because of the crying, the lack of sleep, or his anxiety, and the blond was about to give up when he saw John opening the door, looking to him.

They shared a look, and Roger knew that he didn’t deserve John. He needed to believe this, and maybe he could soften the break-up for him. The drummer wiped the tears off his face and got out of the car.

John walked up to him, and judging by his face, he didn’t sleep, like Roger. “Where the hell were you, Rog? I waited the whole night! You just went away, like a crazy-”

“Can we please go inside, John?” Roger’s voice was raw, his throat still hurting.

“Okay.” John frowned, but didn’t want to discuss outside the house, so he walked to the door, followed by the drummer.

The house was clean, and Roger thought John must have used the time waiting for him to clean the remains of the party from the house, and the blond almost smiled. It was such a John thing to do.

Roger wanted to cry again but he couldn’t. Not in front of John, or he wouldn’t believe his story. And for the plan to work it was vital that he bought it.

“So...I need to tell you something.” started Roger, taking a deep breath.

“I bet you do.” said John, sitting in the couch, tired. “I was worried about you, babe.”

John calling him ‘babe’ just made his heart hurt. Roger was living his personal hell right now.

“I cheated on you. With Dominique.” Roger lied.

John’s eyes lost their sparkle, and his mouth opened a bit, in shock. His nose turned red, but he didn’t look away, and to Roger was finding it way too hard to sustain the lie seeing this.

“When?” asked John, with a cold tone.

Not ‘what’ or ‘why’. 

“After you left the party.” Roger spoke fast. As soon he got it out, the sooner he could cry his heart out. “She showed up and we went to our bedroom. You’re right, she has wicked eyes. When I realized we were fucking against the door. The party was loud and no one heard us.”

Roger wanted so badly for John to yell at him, to punch him, to do anything. But not to look at him with those dark grey eyes, that were getting darker every minute. 

John finally looked away, tilting his head down, and he hid his face with his hands. Roger wanted to hug him, to comfort him, admit to him that was a fucking lie and that he only person he belongs to is John. The drummer saw his body shaking, and he needed to use all his strength to not sob together with the bass player.

He wanted so bad to believe he’s doing the right thing, that this is the best for them and for Queen, but why did his heart need to get torn into pieces? Why did he have to stab the one person he cared for the most in the world? Why their love was being sacrificed for the sake of their band? It’s way too unfair, and way too cruel.

“So” Roger heard John talking again, with a sad tone “where does this leave us?”

He couldn’t do this looking to John, it was too painful. So the blond turned around and said “I want to date her. Not fake dating. Really date her.”

“Then I need to leave.” John stood up, and Roger saw by the mirror that the brunet’s face was a deep red.

“Yeah.”

The drummer expected that John would hold him and insist that he wouldn’t move out, that he’d fight for Roger’s love. That he didn’t believe in a word the drummer said. That the only explanation to Roger’s insane story is that he was being blackmailed by Dominique. That they could be together and find a way to bring the woman down.

But Roger knew it wouldn’t happen, and John just would go upstairs in silence and collect his things. As he did.

The blond didn’t have strength enough to go anywhere, he just fell at the next chair he saw, looking around the house with sorrow. It was chosen by the two of them, a place that was supposed to be where they’d be happy at home, like John’s song. But they wouldn’t.

Half an hour later John showed up again with two bags, and Roger got up again, but he didn’t know what to say. What could you possibly say when your love is leaving your life, and you’re destroying your only chance of happiness? Roger wanted to have this answer, but his brain was blank, a hurtful emptiness.

John left his bags close to the front door and walked to Roger. When the brunet was in front of him, he scanned the drummer’s face, like he wanted to find something. Anything that could make him stay. Any trace Roger still wanted him in his life.

And then John put his hands on Roger’s face and kissed him. Every fibre of Roger’s body begged him to kiss him back, to push the brunet’s body, to never let him go, and Roger felt John’s soft lips kiss his, and he held back a noise of pleasure when John sucked his lip, pulling his hair just right. His body wanted to betray him; he wanted to shiver and tremble, and he never knew how he managed to stay still until the end. His lips were already missing John’s when the bass player pulled away.

“Did you not feel anything?” asked John, with sad puppy eyes.

Roger really wanted to give the true answer. “Sorry, Deaks.”

“You shouldn’t have asked to marry me.” and John walked away, grabbing his bags and opened the door.

Roger looked through the window at John going to his car, and he waited for him to start the car before he could finally break.

☆

John didn’t know what to do, where to go. His whole world was smashed, like it never even existed. Yesterday he was asked to marry Roger, and the day after his fiancé said he didn’t want him anymore. Just a fast cloud of joy and happiness.

Roger couldn’t do this to him. He left a stable life, a house with a wife and a kid to dive fully into a new life, a new address and a new partner. The drummer promised everything, that his life would change entirely, that they would have a happy ending, but it seems his bandmate wasn’t so good with promises.

The bass player tried to not believe, and he even kissed the blond, to find a spark, even if it’s a little one, between them. But Roger didn’t reciprocate the affection. Maybe it was really over.

John thought if he should ask Freddie or Brian to spend a couple of nights with them, but the vision of his friends looking at him with pity made the brunet forget that. If he could wait a few days to deal with them, that would be better. Brian would beat Roger’s ass – and even that John didn’t want to think the blond deserved– and Freddie would be pretty emotional with Roger and John’s break up.

Thinking of the word hurt. They really did break up. It wasn’t like when they were denying their feelings and Roger pushed him away. This time they loved each other, in every meaning of the word, and John had never been so vulnerable and open in a relationship as he was with Roger. His heart was on a plate to the drummer, and what he did? He tore it apart, with no mercy.

He decided to spend at least the first week in a hotel, just while he wasn’t able to find a new place. But before that he wanted to see Robert.

John knocked Veronica’s door, and he knew how early it is, and she could have the right to complain, but his son would calm him down; Robert was the only secure thing he had right now.

Veronica opened the door with a sleepy face, chilling under her robe. “John, good morning.”

“Is Robert awake? I really want to see him.” John tried to hold the tears, but he couldn’t.

This made the woman get more alert and she looked to her ex-husband worried. “John, what happened?”

“Please, Robert, now.” John said between snuffles.

Veronica nodded and let him in. They walked in silence to Robert’s room, but the woman kept sending glances to the brunet. 

The kid was still asleep, not even knowing that his parents were there, looking him. John gave him a smile, still on the verge of tears. He didn’t want to touch him, he just wanted to see his face, watch him breathing in and breathing out, with no worries. Robert needed to be safe, even when John wasn’t.

And the bass player muffled his mouth so as to not make noise and wake his son, and this made Veronica pass her arms around John, enveloping him in a hug. He didn’t refuse it, and John fell in the deep well of sadness, his heart feeling tight and heavy. 

“Please, tell me what is wrong, John.” Veronica asked, after the hug.

“Roger broke up with me.” John responded, wiping his tears.

The woman looked choked, opening her mouth slowly with the impact. “But...Why? You guys were so fine.”

“Dominique.”

Veronica guided John out of Robert’s room to the kitchen, and she prepared tea for them while John explained what happened, since Roger met Dominique, to today. Some tears still showed up in John’s eyes, but he seemed more calm than before. When the brunet said that Dominique showed up at their party, Veronica gasped.

“John, she came here yesterday.” commented the woman.

“She did?” John was surprised.

“Yeah, she asked me if I knew where’s you two were living. The way she spoke sounded so chill that I thought she didn’t mind that you two were together, so I gave the address.” Veronica bit her lip, and added. “I swear to God that I didn’t know anything about her plan to seduce Roger.”

John sighed. “I bet you’re happy to see me suffer.”

“If you'd asked me two weeks ago.” Veronica said with a sad smile, handing the tea to John. “I did wish that your relationship didn’t work out, I’m not gonna lie. But then I thought that it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t matter if we had six children and Roger five, or if we grow old together and Roger had three wives. It wouldn’t matter because you still had this feeling for each other, so why be mad about something I can do nothing about?” Veronica shrugged at the end.

John stared, Veronica saying something so accurate and so hurtful that he spoke “Sorry for telling you that. I’m upset.”

“That’s okay. Besides, you’re my son’s father, so I can’t be mad at you, because you gave me the love of my life. And we need to be civil to each other.” and this made John giggle, and Veronica grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “Don’t worry, John. Your heart is broken now, but soon you will be happy again.”

They exchanged a look, and John curved his lips. “I don’t know, Ronnie. I love him, for real.”

“I loved you for real too and look at us. Talking about the man you cheated on me with.” Veronica mocked, but a tear rolled down John’s face. “Do you want to spend a few days here? Robert would love it.”

“Thanks, but I think I need time by myself.” John took a deep breath. “It’s going to be weird, being alone for the first time in years.”

“You can do this.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me.


	19. Fight back the tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late, and for this chapter  
> Promise it'll get better again...at some point

John didn’t know what to do, where to go. His whole world had smashed, like it never was before. Yesterday Roger asked to marry him, and the day after, his fiancé said he didn’t want him anymore. Just a fast cloud of joy and happiness.

Roger couldn’t do this to him. He left a stable life, with a house, a wife and a kid, to go fully into a new life, a new address and a new partner. The drummer promised him everything, that his life would change entirely, that they would have a happy ending, but it seems his bandmate wasn’t so good with promises.

The bass player tried to not believe, and he even kissed the blond, to find a spark, even if it’s a little one, between them. But Roger didn’t reciprocate the affection. Maybe it was really over.

John thought if he should ask Freddie or Brian to spend a couple of nights with them, but the vision of his friends looking at him with pity made the brunet forget that. If he could wait a few days to deal with them would be better. Brian would beat Roger’s ass – and even that John didn’t want to think the blond deserved– and Freddie would be pretty emotional with Roger and John’s break-up.

Thinking of the word hurt. They really broke up. It wasn’t like when they were denying their feelings and Roger pushed him away. This time they loved each other, in every meaning of the word, and John had never been so vulnerable and open in a relationship as he was with Roger. His heart was on a plate to the drummer, and what he did? He tore it apart, with no mercy.

He decided to spend at least the first few weeks in a hotel, just while he wasn’t able to find a new place. But before that he wanted to see Robert.

John knocked Veronica’s door, and he knew how early it is, and she could have the right to complain, but his son would calm him down; Robert was the only secure thing he had right now.

Veronica opened the door with a sleepy face, chilling under her robe. “John, good morning.”

“Is Robert awake? I really want to see him.” John tried to hold the tears, but he couldn’t.

This made the woman get more alert and she looked to her ex-husband worried. “John, what happened?”

“Please, Robert, now.” John said between snuffles.

Veronica nodded and let him in. They walked in silence to Robert’s room, but the woman kept sending glances to the brunet.

The kid was still asleep, not even knowing that his parents were there, looking at him. John gave him a smile, still in tears. He didn’t want to touch him, he just wanted to see his face, watch him breathing in and breathing out, with no worries. Robert needed to be safe, even when John wasn’t.

And the bass player muffled his mouth so as to not make noise and wake his son, and this made Veronica pass her arms around John, enveloping him in a hug. He didn’t refuse it, and John fell in the deep well of sadness, his heart feeling tight and heavy.

“Please, tell me what is wrong, John.” Veronica asked, after the hug.

“Roger broke up with me.” John responded, wiping his tears.

The woman looked choked, opening her mouth slowly with the impact. “But...Why? You guys were so fine.”

“Dominique.”

Veronica guided John out of Robert’s room to the kitchen, and she prepared tea to them while John explained what happened, since Roger met Dominique, to today. Some tears still showed up on John’s eyes, but he seemed more calm than before. When the brunet said that Dominique showed up at their party, Veronica gasped.

“John, she came here yesterday.” commented the woman.

“She did?” John was surprised.

“Yeah, she asked me if I knew where you two were living. The way she spoke sounded so chill that I thought she didn’t mind that you two were together, so I gave the address.” Veronica bit her lip, and added. “I swear to God that I didn’t know anything about her plan to seduce Roger.”

John sighed. “I bet you’re happy to see me suffer.”

“If you’d asked me two weeks ago.” Veronica said with a sad smile, handing the tea to John. “I did wish that your relationship didn’t work out, I’m not gonna lie. But then I thought that it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t matter if we had six children and Roger five, or if we grow old together and Roger had three wives. It wouldn’t matter because you still had this feeling for each other, so why be mad about something I have nothing to do about it?” and Veronica shrugged in the end.

John stared Veronica saying something so accurate and so hurtful that he spoke “Sorry for telling you that. I’m upset.”

“That’s okay. Besides, you’re my son’s father, so I can’t be mad at you, because you gave me the love of my life. And we need to be civil to each other.” and this made John giggle, and Veronica grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “Don’t worry, John. Your heart is broken now, but soon you will be happy again.”

They exchanged a look, and John curved his lips. “I don’t know, Ronnie. I love him, for real.”

“I loved you for real too and look at us. Talking about the man you cheated on me with.” Veronica mocked, but a tear rolled on John’s face. “Do you want to spend a few days here? Robert would love it.”

“Thanks, but I think I need some time by myself.” John took a deep breath. “It’ll be weird being alone for the first time in years.”

“You can do this.”

☆

The first days being in a hotel were weird, because just like any hotel room he was during tours, John didn’t feel at home. He didn’t even take his clothes out of his bags, just in case Roger would appear at any time, or call him to come back home.

But he knew it was impossible, because Roger didn’t know which hotel he was at and because the drummer was with someone else now.

He still had this feeling that something was wrong. The way Roger treated him, like a complete stranger, bothered him. It isn’t the way Roger should treat someone he fucking proposed to, after that sappy speech with a Bee Gees reference. The drummer could be anything, but he’s not cruel. And he stayed still during their last kiss; when Roger didn’t want to kiss someone he always pushes the person away.

John maybe was just trying to find an excuse, a reason not to believe the simple fact that Roger just didn’t love him anymore. The flame they had only burns John now, and the brunet needed to deal with it, and for Queen’s sake he needed to deal quietly and with maturity. He needed to pull himself together.

The idea started to grow in John’s mind, and he grabbed a pen and a paper. In the middle of the paper he wrote the sentence – in his mind it should be in the chorus – and added ‘cause you know you should do better...That’s because you’re a free man’.

_But is he, indeed, a free man?_

☆

Since Dominique came to his house – three hours after John left – Roger was basically a sex slave. The woman wanted to have sex all the time, like she was trying to compensate for the months they didn’t have sex. Even though the anatomy wasn’t the same- and she had long nails – the Queen drummer thought about John everytime, imagine that he’s fucking him and not Dominique.

Of course the brunette had something to complain.

“Why you always have your eyes closed?” asked the woman, when she had composed herself from the multiple orgasms she had minutes ago.

“I can’t get hard if I see you.” spoke Roger, dryly.

“Too bad you can’t enjoy, because I had a great time.” smiled Dominique, kissing the blond.

Yeah, he didn’t enjoy it once. Even that he did cum during the sex, it wasn’t for her Roger was cumming. It’s not her body he desired.

After Dominique sleep, Roger went to the bathroom, and he took a bath after he jacked off. Then, during the bath, the blond cried, thinking of the person he really wanted to be in his bed. “I miss you, John.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Veronica will be a good friend to John and that's all...and she'll be really helpful, but this is for the next chapters :)  
>  _Spread your wings and fly away..._


	20. Look back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomiting

**2 MONTHS LATER**

John knew how weird it would be to see Roger again. He’d felt this feeling once, but now it was way worse: last time he just wanted to punch every part of Roger’s body; now he wants to cry in a corner while embracing his own knees.

He didn’t have any news from Roger, the blond hadn’t even asked about John through their mutual friends. Maybe he was having a good time with Dominique to care about him. After two weeks without talking with the other Queen members, Freddie, Brian and Jim Beach (Queen lawyer and dearest friend, nicknamed ‘Miami’ by Freddie on the first day they met) appeared at his door. Veronica, of course, had told them where John was.

The bass player asked them to not tell him anything regarding Roger and his new partner, but Freddie said he slapped the drummer when he went to his house and Dominique opened the door just wearing a towel. John allowed himself to cry in front of his friends, who hugged him and offered comforting words, even if in that moment they didn’t mean anything to him.

(After their encounter with John, Freddie was torn.

“We should tell him how Roger was. I’ve known that bitch for years and I know when something’s weird!” claimed the singer.

“I know too. But we meddle too much on their lives, Freddie. I guess it’s the time to step back.” Brian shrugged, Miami agreeing with him, and Freddie opened his mouth, shocked, and the taller man added “For real, mate.”)

There was a day John was really pissed with Roger, thinking that he’s alone and miserable in a hotel room while Roger was fucking Dominique all day long, enjoying a good life, with no regrets. An angry fire rose in his chest, and he knew he couldn’t let himself be the joke in the end. After a whole night crying because of it, John started to write a song.

“Who needs you, anyways, Roger Stupid Taylor?” sniffled John, writing the song title angrily.

So, when John walked to the studio, he didn’t know how he’d react when he saw Roger again. He would probably start yelling if he saw a hickey on Roger’s neck.

He came early, so most of the people weren’t there yet, but he greeted the roadies already present. And he saw Crystal Taylor, Roger’s personal roadie, and he knew what that meant. He held back a laugh; Roger being on time was indeed hilarious.

“Morning, everyone.” said John, with a fake smile.

Roger was close to the drums, taking with someone and laughing. John hated to see the drummer was still able to laugh, also still able to be smoking hot. The brunet tried to control his own heart, that still skipped a beat when John’s eyes found the drummer, and he felt like a teenager, so immature.

The blond poised his eyes on him, stopping mid-laugh, a pair of blue stones shining at John, and everything went silent for two seconds. Like the world stopped as they did, or like they didn’t fall apart.

John wanted to go to Roger and hug him, smell his perfume and touch his face. But he couldn’t; he didn’t have the right anymore. So he just gave him a quick nod and put his bass and his amp in the corner, leaving the studio room to grab a coffee.

He just needed some deep breaths to calm himself down. At least the first contact wasn’t a complete disaster, and he didn’t make a fool of himself in front of his mates, which was already something.

John heard the door opening, and he turned around to see Roger giving him an awkward smile. “Hi.”

“Hi, Roger.”

“It’s really nice to see you. I thought...I didn’t know if you’d be here today.”

“I’m not quitting. This is my band too.”

Roger nodded, a silent apology. John felt the room getting warmer, and all he wanted to do was run away. But he needed to man up; this wasn’t the first and it wouldn’t be the last time he had to deal with a weird moment with Roger. He knew these moments with awkward silences and weird looks would happen, and it’d be part of his life for now on.

So, to settle this, he had to say something. “So, neither of us will leave the band, but we need to deal with each other. I’m not gonna say the same thing I said last time, because it wasn’t a mistake what we did, at least not for me.” John felt his voice cracking, but he kept going. “But at least, let’s not yell at each other or be childish. Freddie and Brian don’t deserve it, and I can’t be stuck on a rollercoaster forever.”

Roger glanced at him with a strange expression. Almost sad. But John before could comment about it the blond said “Deal.”

☆

The beginning of recording the new album was weird. Too much silence for Queen’s pattern. Only Freddie and Brian were arguing about something, while John and Roger just nodded and spoke monosyllabic words. The lead singer wanted to start a fight on purpose, just to see if those two woke up, but when Brian sensed it he warned his friend with a look.

Roger thought that at least being together with Queen could hype him up, since his life wasn’t great right now, but he couldn’t feel any joy while he knew how unhappy John was. He didn’t ask how John was doing or even if he got back with Veronica, but his eyes held a constant sad gray colour. He didn’t have the courage to be next to him, always sitting far from him, because would be too painful for both of them.

They were on a break when Roger looked at some paper above the studio piano. Immediately he recognized John’s handwriting. John never liked to show his work and until now only gave a few contributions to Queen songs, even though Roger always encouraged him to write.

“It’s John’s?” asked Freddie, in a cold tone. 

Roger knew he deserved the treatment. Two days after John left, Freddie and Brian went to meet them, without knowing what had happened, and Dominique greeted him. The blond accepted the slaps Freddie gave him, feeling he should have slapped more, and Brian gave him a really disappointed look – and for all Roger’s actions Brian already saw, that meant something.

He wanted so bad to tell them about the lie he’s living with Dominique, that he cried every night thinking of John, and he was doing what he was doing to save their work. But instead he stayed silent, feeling alone and miserable like he never felt before.

“Yes. Two songs.” answered Roger.

Brian walked to them quietly while Roger read John’s work. The first song looked pretty sad, about a person who felt alone in every way and they just wanted to spread their wings and fly away. His heart hurt with every word he read. He did this to John.

The other one is more aggressive, a very unusual contrast to John’s usual writing. It was about someone who was betrayed for the one they loved. Roger saw the strength the title song was written with and he could imagine John biting his inner cheek to suppress his anger.

“At least something good came out of this.” commented Freddie, behind Roger.

“Freddie, please-” Roger started, but he was cut off by Brian.

“Just drop it, mate.” the guitarist said, putting a hand on the blond’s shoulder.

Roger still had the paper in his hands when John came back, and he felt the atmosphere in the studio change. “What happened?” and then his eyes glanced at the paper in Roger’s hands. He could identify his handwriting. “Who gave you the right to read this?”

“You left it on the piano.” and Roger smiled. “It’s beautiful, Deaks.”

“It’s my work!” John raised his voice, his face getting dangerously red. “It’s my work, Rog, and you can’t take _this_ away from me!”

Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch this. Freddie and Brian glanced to each other before looking to the other two. John’s words looked to be still in the air, and he finally noted what he said. And the meaning behind it. 

He just walked to Roger and took the paper away from him, turning around and leaving the studio without another word.

While John walked outside, Roger felt his stomach rolling and he needed to go to the bathroom, and he only can reach the sink before vomiting between coughs and gasps. Some steps behind him and a gentle arm touching his back. “Are you okay, mate?” asked Brian. Even though he’s pissed with Roger he couldn’t stop worrying about him.

Roger wanted to cry, so bad. But he couldn’t go there. “I’m going home. See you tomorrow.” and he practically ran out.

He only cried when he was almost there. Home… no, that wasn’t home. Now he was homeless, because his home is where John is. And right now John wasn’t with him, in any way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roger will develop a vomiting issue because the anxiety of not be able to _spill out_ what he really want to.


	21. You have to take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the waiting, my beta reader disappeared (I hope Jess is okay)

The image of John staring at him with the songs paper and yelling at him was hunting Roger for a week. John didn’t go to the studio the followed days after the fight, and Freddie said superficially that John was talking with him and Brian in the hotel room he’s staying.

John was living in a room with no colours, eating the same food every day and probably not feeling at home at all. So the drummer should at least do something for him.

“Dominique, we need to talk.” Roger said, seeing the woman watching a tv soap at the living room.

Their cohabitation – the word Roger could use for living obligated with someone – was almost normal. Dominique made everything to get Roger’s attention: cook his favorite meal, take care of his callouses when he came home after a day banging drums, talk about the music he likes. But Roger never fell on that, just replying automatically, just to play his hole; he didn’t know if he’s allowed to be mean with Dominique, only breaking his own deal when he’s too stressful to care about the woman’s feelings. But it seemed nothing could smash Dominique’s passion for the blond, and she didn’t notice how swallow was their relationship.

And there’s the sex. Dominique was a woman with skills, and she knew how to please a man, but the whole blackmailing situation didn’t help Roger to get hard for her. And being in love with someone he broke his heart few months ago didn’t help either. Roger felt dirty when the brunette’s hands was on him, or her mouth was kissing his body. At first the drummer tried to picture John doing this with him, but the bass player didn’t have long and sharpy nails and his mouth wasn’t big as Dominique’s. Even the pleasure of coming wasn’t enough to not make Roger feel sad about his own life.

“Yes, love.” Dominique smiled, turning off the TV. 

“I need to meet John today. He’s living in a hotel room and it’s not okay.” said the blond, trying not to show his anxiety by his voice.

“And why this is your problem?” the woman raised an eyebrow, like she’s jealous.

“We bought this mansion together, paying 50/50 for it. I don’t even know why he never asked for the money, but still. He has the right to be repaid, since he’s not living here anymore.”

Roger waited quietly, seeing Dominique thinking about it. Actually it didn’t have much to think of it, but he knew he could expect anything for the woman, so he stayed still.

Of course he wasn’t being totally passive with the situation. Roger already looked twice for the damn picture on the whole house when Dominique left to do something, and he had to admit that it wasn’t in the mansion. And in the last days he was trying to be more...smooth with her. Still didn’t make it, but at least he’s trying.

After some moments the woman said “Okay, you can go.” and before Roger could say anything she added “But I’ll go with you. I don’t want John to try anytning to steal _my man_.”

Roger made his best to not roll his eyes. 

☆

Brian was at John’s room that day. Not like it’s unusual (they are bandmates and close friends after all), but the bass player wasn’t the first person who crossed on Brian’s mind when he wants help. Actually Brian was there, at first, to show John a new lyrics he wrote. It’s pretty cheerful and it’s a way to be more connected with their crowd, and the oldest thought John could see if it’s a good song or not. Besides the bass player didn’t show up in the studio since last week.

“It’s pretty good, Brian.” commented John. “And I’d add a guitar solo in the end.” he smiled, knowing damn well how his friend works.

“I thought that too!” Brian looked happy to see John thinks like him. “And I thought we could make a music video of this one. Maybe at Roger’s backyard.”

Brian saw John’s look go far away, like he’s not there anymore, maybe thinking in the mansion too. After some silence, he said, without looking to Brian “During winter. It’d be pretty nice.” 

But John was just remembering a talk he had with Roger in the second day at the mansion.

_They were still having a lot of sex everytime they put the eyes on each other, like they were in a honeymoon – and somehow they were. John and Roger finally had their lives on track, with a place only for them, without Veronica or Dominique (ish) and just with an unknown but still amazing future ahead._

_John was at the backyard, thinking about maybe build a pool or a swing in there, imagining Robert playing with Roger...and maybe with siblings. He didn’t have this conversation with the drummer yet, but he will someday. He’s drinking tea when Roger appeared next to him, with a lazy and cocky smile. That one he only had after John eating him out._

_“Building our future backyard?” Roger asked, and John opened his mouth, shocked with his precision. “Oh, com’on, you’re an engineer, of course you like to change things.” and his smile wided when John nodded. “Maybe we make a Queen music video here. It’d be nice at the winter.” the blond completed, looking to the yard._

A strong knock at the door made John look again to Brian, frowning. Freddie was visiting his parents, and he didn’t say he’d go there today, and the brunet didn’t order anything to the hotel service.

John walked to the door and when he opened he had an awful surprise. “Roger? Dominique?”

“Hi, John. How are you?” Dominique’s tone was cheerful – a rude one to use with someone who got hurt by her like she did with him. 

“What are you doing here?” John looked to the blond, ignoring Dominique’s question. “And how you know where I am? Only Freddie, Miami and Bri...” and the bass player looked to his friend, who’s still sitting at the bed, and he seemed ashamed of something.

“He asked me. Sorry.” apologized Brian, with a coy smile.

“Can we get inside? We need to talk.” Roger said, nervous.

“No, you can not.” John closed the door a bit, just letting his face showed.

Roger took deep breaths, and he looked a little green to John, and he started “So, we need to talk about the mansion. It’s 50% yours. So I was thinking of, I don’t know, buying your part, so you can buy a house for you and get out of this hotel.”

“So thoughtful of you, Roger.” ironized John, with a smile. “But yeah, I was kinda waiting to you to bring that up, because I wasn’t thinking of going there to get my money. So give it to Miami, so we can make this official. Do you have anything else to say?”

John could see on Roger’s eyes he had something else to say. His eyes were sad, and the strength he used to stare at John, like he’s trying to mutely communicate with the brunet. But Dominique used that moment to remind them she was there, and the woman grabbed Roger’s hand, tangling their fingers.

John understood why she’s there; he’d do the same if he and Roger were still together and the blond’d meet an ex. But it didn’t mean he wanted to punch a wall just to see her face and to touch the drummer like that in front of him.

“Yeah, I guess you didn’t have anything else to see. Brian was talking here about using your yard to make a music video there.” John didn’t know why he said the last part but he wanted to.

“At winter.” the drummer smiled.

And for seconds John knew he remembered their talk, and the bass player’s heart melted. But soon he put himself together. “Yeah.”

“Let’s go home, love.” Dominique pouted, with a soft voice.

They shared one second glance before John said “So that’s it. Bye.” and shout the door.

☆

Roger spended the rest of day thinking of his fast talk with John. He looks pretty angry – probably because Dominique’s presency – and a little hurt. The drummer imagined how would be this album recording if they’d be still together: nicer than ever, with John stealing kisses of him everytime he could and the roadies teasing them how annoying was their happiness, the bass player blushing with it and Roger just accepting it with open arms.

But the person who’s sleeping in the other side of the bed stole this from him.

Roger wanted to say to John how much he miss making cheese on toast for him at breakfast, how sorry he was to make him suffer and how bad was living without him, and sometimes his throat aches everytime he thought of it. Next thing he did was to run at the bathroom to throw up sadness and his dinner.

When he went to the bed again, Roger looked to Dominique. When she asleep, she didn’t look like the horrible person who destroyed his life; she looked like the beautiful girl he met at a pub and bounded an odd friendship. But this girl died weeks ago, and at his place was a unreadable and yet crazy girl, who still had Roger as her pet. And Roger hated to be someone’s pet. He wanted his freedom again.

And to this he’d do the worse thing he could do: Roger will play her game.

At the morning Dominique got a surprise. She woke up with breakfast at bed and Roger sitting next to him, with a smile.

“Morning, Dom.” said Roger, with a soft tone.

“Hi, Rog. What is this?” asked the woman, sitting in the bed, groaning.

“Breakfast. I...I was thinking.” Roger looked down, trying to pick the right words. “It looks we will be together for a long time, and I already settle things with John, so...” Roger stared to the brunette, who’s with big expected eyes. “I guess we should get along, you know?”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Dominique was smiling, getting closer to the blond.

“I’m saying we can at least try.” Normally Roger’d pull away, but he didn’t this time.

“I can work with that.”

And the woman lean to him until their lips met. Roger didn’t resist, parting his lips to suck her upper lip, just the way she liked, and soon Dominique was giving a pleasure sound.

Roger needed to do this right, and just when she was taking off his robe, he broke the kiss. “Let’s eat breakfast first.” he said, smirking.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a bit lighter, I promise


	22. Waiting for something

John left his sadness bubble to visit Robert. Now he sees his son almost every day and Veronica invites him to dinner. The boy was starting to speak words with meaning, like “dada” and “mama”, and to his parents it’s enough wonderful.

“Soon we need to decide things, like public or private school.” mentioned Veronica, after a really great dinner, enjoying a glass of wine with John. Robert was already sleeping, so they could enjoy the moment more.

“Sorry, Ronnie, but my son will be here, close to me.” John said firmly, with a nod. “I know you went to a nice intern school, but Rober won’t.”

“Oh, I didn’t want to. If someone takes my son, I will beat them.” and this make John laugh.

The last weeks he got closer to Veronica again. She made him feel comfortable to talk about what he’s passing through, saying the right words, even when John didn’t want to hear them. She knew how to make him laugh and could help him to disconnect of Queen, just like the old days.

“You’re better when you’re smiling.” Veronica commented, in a light tone.

They were at the dinner table, and John didn’t know why, but he started to lean in, and just when he’s pretty close that Veronica stood up from her chair, getting away from her ex-husband. John blinked, like her action had awake him.

“What were you doing, John?” asked Veronica, shocked.

“I- I really don’t know.” John stared at her, confusion on his eyes.

“But I know. You’re about to kiss me.” the woman got angry in a second, but she didn’t raise her voice because Robert.

Of course, John knew he’d go kiss his ex-wife, but the reason why was still blurry on his mind. Maybe the nostalgia of having something he already knew made him do this.

“You can’t try to kiss me. You love Roger.” Veronica said, crossing her arms.

“But he doesn’t love me back.”

“But _you_ don’t love me, John.” 

“We can try again.” John stood up and got in front of the woman who's looking sharply to him. “We’re good together. And Robert would-”

“Don’t you dare to put our son into this!” Veronica pushed John away with her hands, the brunet falling sat on a chair. “You don’t want me, you just don’t know how to be alone.” she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. Opening the eyes again, she said “I get it, John. Being alone sucks, you’re still healing from your break-up, but please don’t ruin the friendship we have. I like the way we are, I mean it.” she finished when she saw John looking at her with disbelief. “And Robert will grow with parents that are friends, not two strangers to each other.”

John nodding. Of course Veronica was right; he’s blowing with his only adult relationship he had outside Queen, with someone he needs – for his son’s sake – to be respectful. And using his ex-wife as a rebound wasn’t respectful at all.

“Oh, Jesus. I’m sorry, Ronnie. I’m such a mess.” and without warning Veronica hugged John, the brunet accepting the action.

John was feeling humiliated now, beginning for a bit of affection to someone he shouldn't. The brunet made Veronica suffer so many times, and she’s clearly moving on – John didn’t mention to not be rude, but he heard the woman in a call with her sister, talking about a man who’s interested in her – and he shouldn’t interfere. The bass player couldn’t let his pain affect the good things that he still had in life.

Veronica kissed his cheek and wiped a couple of tears that’s running on John’s face. “That’s okay, John. You will be happy again, I assure you.”

“You can’t do that.” John smiled sadly.

“Yes, I can.” The woman said these words so firmly that the brunet believed it.

☆

Dominique was out with her friends, and Roger was alone. During the night the mansion looked bigger than it already was, because the solitud trick his vision, making him feel small. He couldn’t invite Freddie or Brian to his house anymore; not because Dominique didn’t allow to, but he knew they wouldn’t come.

Despise the bad vibes between the bandmates, the album songs were almost done, and soon they could make the music videos. Since John said to him about making clips at his backyard, Roger could see one of John’s songs there. If he knew how to convince the band (and especially John), they could make at his house the ‘Spread your Wings’ video.

Without anything better to do, Roger started to drink whisky. Nothing could make him happy or satisfied anyways, so at least he could be numb.

These last days were a complete nightmare. He’s trying to gain Dominique’s trust, making her believe he’s finally liking her. But he knew it wouldn’t be fast or simple; the french girl was smart and could suspect of something. So the day Roger just started to chat more with her and laugh if she says something fun, the basics of flirting. Anything to make her speak where the hell was the damn photo so he could be free again.

He didn’t know how much time it’d take to make Dominique say it, and he didn’t know if John would wait for him – or even if he’d accept the reason of their break-up. Right now, after finishing the second bottle of whisky, Roger didn’t know if Queen keeping itself alive worth the end of their love story.

So the drummer said fuck it. He crawled to the couch and digited the numbers, his head spinning with the alcohol. And with his best sober voice he asked to call John Deacon’s room.

“Hello?” the deep voice of the bass player was heard, and Roger smiled.

For some seconds he didn’t know if he should hang up or talk with him, but then he thought he’s in hell again, so he’d hug the demon. And he chose the second option.

“Deaks!” exclaimed the blond, with joy. “My John.”

“Rog, is that you?” John sounded a bit surprised. “Are you...Are you drunk, Roger?”

“Drinking those fancy whiskeys you bought, because they’re the only thing you left here.” ‘besides my broken heart’ Roger added just on his mind.

“I’ll miss those.” John commented, maybe just to himself. “Roger, go sleep. You will feel better tomorrow.”

“I won’t, John. I won’t.” and the blond started to sob.

Even after everything he did to him, John still cared about Roger, the drummer could feel it even through the call. The brunet liked to make Roger run water over his face when he’s drunk, and after that he took off Roger’s clothes, even the socks, just to make him feel comfortable, and cover him fully, and at the morning Roger always found a glass of water and a painkiller at the wardrobe.

He miss all those little things John did to him.

“And why you think it won’t?” John asked, his tone pointed he’s curious with Roger’s answer.

“Because I miss-”

But before Roger finish the phrase he missed John at their home he heard the sound of the door opening. Without saying goodbye, Roger hang up the phone, and took the last sip of the whisky. The woman appeared with a happy smile to him.

“Hi, my love.” greated Dominique.

His drunken brain told him to curse her with all the words he knew, but he knew he couldn’t. “Hi.”

“I heard you hanging up the phone.”

Roger thought quickly. “Tried to call Freddie and complain about that shitty song I talked to you about, but I guess I’m too drunk to get the right number.” And he gave her a goofy smile.

“Ok, big boy. Let’s go to bed.” she helped him to stand up and put his arm around her neck, to not let him fall.

At least she wouldn’t try to have sex wit him, because he couldn’t do anything after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger's sorrow is ending soon...


	23. Right from the start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finishing your sorrow (ish)

For the first time in months a good idea came to Roger’s mind. He tried so much to distract himself composing songs, but as everyone knows, inspiration doesn’t born when you want or when you need, but it happens when it happens. The first songs were just dramatic ways to say how badly he miss John’s warm body, and even he already has written love songs these ones were garbage, and not a Queen material.

But this one has potencial; it’s strong, a passive-aggressive calling to everyone who feel themselves trapped, to who doesn’t see a way out. It’s his own way to say he’s a bird that couldn’t fly anymore.

He showed the lyrics to Freddie and Brian, with no worry they could reject this piece. After a long time, the blond felt something good.

The other two read the lyrics, sometimes looking to each other, Freddie humming a melody that could fit with the lyrics, Brian nodding during it. Roger smiled – apparently he’ll win this battle.

“I like it.” Freddie said with a dry tone.

“It could fit with this album.” added the guitarist.

“What’s the inspiration for this piece, Rog?”

Roger knew that expression on his friend’s face so well; Freddie was trying to analyze him, attempting to find something between the other’s words.

The drummer’d be lying if he said he didn’t notice Freddie glance furtively during recording, with a worried look, but when he talk with the blond Freddie always speak with no delicacy. He knew how much the main singer cares about him, even that right now he wanted to teach the blond a lesson. 

So of course Freddie didn’t entirely buy the story of Roger suddenly getting in love for Dominique, and Roger started to slightly mention the brunette during the album recording, to see if it’d be more believable. He still thinks Freddie didn’t buy it.

“You know I like politics and such, so this is about fighting for something you believe, even when you’re in the wrong side.” Roger lied. It looks like a good answer for a press interview.

“Are you sure?” Freddie continued, now speaking slowly.

“I wrote it, alright? And I want to sing it, if it’s okay to you.” Roger glanced to the other two. “I made a demo, to show how I imagined this song.”

“Hit it.” shrugged Brian.

The next hours were Freddie, Brian and Roger talking about the song, the first ones doing his lectures and re-writings, Roger agreeing with some of them – just because he’s desperated to their friendship go back to normal it doesn’t mean the drummer’d allow them to do anything with his song.

After they discuss about the song, and finally agreeing with the changes, Roger spoke again “So, John said about filming We Will Rock You at my house. Do you still want this?”

“It’d be nice. But we need to know if John feel comfortable to be there.” the Queen guitarist said.

“I actually want to talk to him today, after I get out of here. About this and about Spread Your Wings. We could film his song there too.”

Freddie sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. “Rog, I strongly disagree about film John’s song at that house. It could get your relationship worse than it’s now.”

“That’s why I’m going to see him. To settle things out with him. We can’t be this way forever, with him checking if I’m at the studio to come here and record.”

“Mate, can you blame him?” for the first time Brian sounded bitter, with his hands on his hips.

“I know I can’t, but we need to make this work. I won’t us to be the new Fleetwood Mac, you know?” 

“Rumours is a great album.” teased Freddie, deviously grinning.

“Please, Freddie.” Roger cried out, exhausted.

Brian and Freddie looked worried to their friend, who sat in a chair, combing his hair with the hands, a expression of pure sadness. Of course, loneliness didn’t fit Roger well, and he was clearly showing that. The older one walking to his friend and sat next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, the blond looking to him with wet eyes.

“Rog, talk to us. We’re still your family, but we only can help if you tell us what’s happening.” Freddie said, strongly staring to the drummer.

Roger wanted so badly to tell everything, to feel safe again, to be with John again. But he couldn’t.

“I just want our band to be the way it was.” Roger simply spoke.

_Like it was easy_.

“Go talk to him, then.” Freddie gave him a small smile.

☆

Roger stayed still in front of John’s room door for five minutes, remember every word he need to say to him. But, above all, he’s nervous.

The blond was afraid that being only they two in a room could make his impulsive side to rise again and kiss John out of nowhere. And kiss John was off the table.

He knocked the door, waiting some moments to knock again, hearing a “Coming!” from the other side of the door, and he waited patiently, taking deep breaths and repeating on his mind what he couldn’t do with John.

But, when the door was open, Roger knew how it’d be hard to not be hard. John answered the door only wearing a white towel, wrapping around his hips, way low, and he’s so wet, his dark hair leaking, and Roger could see the water running on John’s pale skin. 

And to someone who didn’t have a decent and true orgasm in months that’s a big threat.

“Roger, what are you doing here?” John asked, surprised. 

Roger need to clear his throat after that vision. “We need to talk.” claimed the drummer. “It’s about Queen.”

John stepped aside, to let Roger get in. The drummer looked to the small room; it’d be graceless and annoying to sleep there, looking to those white walls with no paintings and a single personal thing. He cursed himself to make John live like that.

When Roger sat on the bed, John said “Let me dress first.” and the bass player picked the first clothes he saw on his bag and walked to the bathroom.

Even that Roger didn’t want to, he started to imagine John dressing himself, taking off that towel and being completly naked for some seconds, and the blond bit his own lip remembering every inch of John’s skin, that he kissed and slapped once. He could feel his mouth getting dry dreaming of see John with no clothes again, to lay down him in a bed one more time and to feel the love of his life inside of him.

The image of John, fully dressed now, getting out of the bathroom made Roger came to Earth again, and just for precaution the drummer put a pillow on his lap. The brunet sat in the bed, in front of the him. “So, you said you have something to talk to me and it’s Queen related, but I must say that I’m shocked you’re here alone. How your...person let you come here to see me alone?” John asked, crossing his arms.

“Oh, she didn’t know I’m here.” Roger showed a guilty smile.

“Wow, breaking the trust already. How nice.” his tone was sharp as a knife.

“John, let me talk, please.” Roger could cry in front of Freddie and Brian – he could manage that – but he couldn’t, in any way, cry in front of Deaky. Every cell of his body asked him to surrender and to sob, but he didn’t allow his eyes to it.

The brunet, of course, sensed there’s something in this meeting that wasn’t Queen related. Never it’s one hundred percent Queen related when it comes to Roger, even before their first kiss, when Roger liked to meet John just to hang out or to have a drink. There’s always something else between them, besides Queen, besides their friends in commom. 

Aside their history, John could see a sad glance glowing on Roger’s eyes. Even that he needed to stay mad with the blond, his heart couldn’t let it; he’s hopeless in Roger department. He’d never say this out loud, but John misses, before the carnal part,the blond’s presence on his life. The cheerful and warm person, that likes to hype him up and to make him crack with a stupid joke.

Even that Roger crushed his heart, he still cares about him and misses that bastard on his life.

And the Queen drummer seemed sad, like he’s carrying a heavy package on his back. Even on their breaf meetings since the breakup he sees that on Roger’s face. But, he needed to remember that help the blond it’s not his function anymore.

Then John felt Roger’s hand on his. The bass player stared their hands united, and the warmness was there. The drummer gave a little squeeze, and when John looked up he saw a pretty smile on Roger’s lips. He had forgotten how beautiful Roger was when he smiles.

For a quick moment, it looks like nothing had changed – it’s like they were still together. 

“I miss you, Deaky. That’s what I was about to say in that call.” Roger spoke, his voice cracking. “I miss our friendship, and miss you in the studio. I can’t deal with Brian and Freddie alone.” the blond faked a giggle, but John just let it slide. “Above every issue we have, we are Queen, and without you Queen can’t walk.”

“So it’s about my special schedule.” mentioned John, his tone not being mean anymore.

“We need to be together, even it’s for the band’s sake.” and just to himself the drummer added ‘We’re not together for the band’s sake.’

Roger tangled their fingers, playing with them, the contact giving him some comfort. John’s touch always was soft and gentle – most of the time, to be more accurate; during sextime definetly wasn’t – and Roger felt something close to homesickness. How bad was the feeling to sense that with a simple hand touching.

John thought it’d be the best (at least for him) to let it go, even that deep down he didn’t want to, and slowly he took his hand away from Roger’s hand, resting it on his own lap.

“Roger, it’s still hard to be in the same room as you. I’m struggling with it right now.” John said, with a low tone, almost polite. “And I definitly can not handle see Dominique in the studio...”

“Not for that. She never visited the studio and if it’s for your sake, she never will.” assured the drummer. John still seemed with doubts, and Roger said “Look, I’m not asking you to be the same as we were...”

“‘Cause we can’t.” pointed the bass player.

“...but we can try to...be someone on each other’s life.” with a heavy breath, Roger added “I don’t want to be only your bandmate, Deaky.”

And without warning Roger hugged John. It’s like magnets: you can tear them apart, but the force that glue them was more powerful. John lasted some seconds to hug Roger back, closing his eyes during the hug, wrapping his arms around the drummer’s back, like he didn’t want the other to run away. And he didn’t want to.

Roger misses the smell of John’s neck. John misses the tickle he feels when Roger’s hair slightly touches his ear. Roger misses how John’s calloused fingertips passes in circular moviments on his back. John misses how soft was Roger’s cheek pressed on him. Roger misses every small moment he shared with John daily. John misses how any domestic thing with Roger could be amazing.

They miss each other. Like water. Like air. Like sleep. Like food. Like music.

When John touched Roger’s shoulders, the blond understood he should step away, and so he did. 

John took some deep breaths, Roger knowing that’s his own way to deliberate about something, so he quietly waited. After a couple of minutes, the bass player spoke again “Look, I’m not saying I’m fully ready to be your friend...but I can try.” and even he didn’t want to, John smiled when Roger’s expression got brighter.

“I can live with that.” the drummer nodded, his heart beating fast. Even that it wasn’t like he want to, he could have John on his life again.

“But we need boundaries, real ones. You can’t pressure me to be the same I was with you, Roger. You have to understand I have my doubts with you now.”

“Done.”

“And you can’t ask me to be friends with Dominique, it’s too much. Actually, if you not mention her to me it’d be great.”

“Done and done.”

“And no flirting with me.”

Roger’s tongue tickled to make a joke about it, but the blond was restarting his friendship with the bass player, so it’s best to not mock him right now, so he just nodded.

“I can’t think of other rules right now, but maybe next week when I go to the studio I have new ones.” said John, with a coy smile.

“And I will wait for it.” smiled Roger. “So...I guess I’d be going.”

John walked together with the blond to the door. It seemed more light there now they settle (ish) things out. Roger could breath better now. John thought it’s a chance to truly smile again. 

When he opened the door, the brunet remembered something. “Rog, that night you called me, you hung up suddenly. What happened?” asked John, curious.  
Roger bit his own lip. “You asked me to not mention.” 

“Oh. Okay.”

After some awkward seconds, Roger said goodbye and left John’s room, already missing the shine of the pair of those eyes.

 


	24. A chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some easter eggs in the chapter.

Roger and John were starting to see each other again, which was a start. When the bass player showed up next week at the studio Roger’s heart jumped with joy, and he felt the enviroment got better; the drummer saw the roadies more happy without that cold shadow that was around the band. Freddie got back to his usual self in the same week, being friendly again with the blond, and Brian couldn’t hide his smile anymore.

Since John made his rules (he didn’t add any more), Roger was making his best to not break them, being really respectful around the brunet, and showing his professional side like he never did, Freddie teasing him about it. But Roger was too happy to mind.

It wasn’t the way he want to be with John, but it’s something.

The days were passing by and John felt more secure to talk with Roger about the songs, and gave him his opinion about Fight from the Inside. The brunet could be dreaming, but it didn’t look like a song about what Roger told him, but he didn’t say anything. Wondering about it could make him sad, and right now he’s in a good place with Roger. So John stick his opinion only about the harmony.

When Roger felt confident enough to talk about it, he asked about filming Spread your Wings on his house in the same day as We Will Rock You. He didn’t mention it in that day at the hotel because he thought it could blow the chance he almost didn’t get; some weeks and he could bring that up was how Roger thought. 

At first John seemed resistent, because the memories and Dominique, but Roger promised that ‘nobody would disturb the band’. And he meant it. He would see with Dominique when she’d be away for the whole day – and because the way their ‘relationship’ was right now she didn’t bother the his boyfriend’s ex-lover could be there. 

“I don’t know, Roger. I don’t want to make things complicated.” John said without looking Roger in the eye.

The drummer knew what he meant. It’s hard to him live in that house, seeing every mark of their moments embedded in every room, each corner singing a story about them. The whole place screams John’s name, and maybe that’s why he didn’t let Dominique move a piece from the place.

So, after Roger promise that the day would be unconcernant, John gave up and accepted.

“Your music video will be perfect.” assured the blond.

☆

John wanted to stopping at Veronica’s after to go to Roger’s. Maybe see Robert could make him not feel so weird about coming back there.

“Are you sure about this, John?” asked Veronica, watching John playing with their kid. “You can ask to film in other location.”

“No, I’m fine. Besides, Roger and I are better now, and I don’t want him to think I’m still in love for him.” said John, jumping in the air with Robert on his arms.

“And you are?” questioned the woman.

“Oge.” mumbled the kid.

“I don’t cry anymore, so that’s a win.” John avoid the question. “And where’s you’re going? You’re so dressed up.”

“A friend called me to go with her to a doctor appointment.”

So John wasn’t the only one who’s hiding the truth.

“I was about to ask if Rob can go with you. Crystal could watch him during the filming. I already made his food.” Veronica stared to the bass player, who agreed, obviously.

☆

Being in front of the house again looked more scary than in his thoughts. The moments he had there, most of them happy, were popping on his mind, just a sadistic innuendo of what’s taken from him.

‘Be brave, goddamn’ thought John, holding Robert in one hand and his bass in the other.

He opened the front door and the house was full of Queen staff, roadies greeting him and Robert, talking about the filming and other band stuff, making the last repairs to start the filming. Freddie and Brian were talking, and the brunet giggled with the star-shapped glasses of his friend.

But, even with the mess Queen was making at the drummer’s house, John noted one thing: Roger didn’t change a thing.

“Hi, John.” greeted the blond, and his smile wided when he saw Robert. “Hi, Rob. Long time I don’t see you.” the blond looked again to John. “Can I hold him?”

“Of course.” John saw the excitement of his son to see Roger open his arms to hold him, like they didn’t spend months without seeing each other, and the bass player smiled. “I’m surprised that you didn’t change anything in the house. You didn’t want to?”

By his tone, Roger noted that John was asking if Dominique didn’t want to. “No. Your taste is better.” Roger said, with a smile. And looking again to the kid, he asked “Do you want to see the filming today, Rob?”

“Ronnie asked me to spend the day with him.”

John went to talk with the staff, and Roger took this moment to whisper on Robert’s ear “I know you won’t tell anyone, so I can say I miss all of this. Including you.”

“Oge.” the kid spoke, grabbing on the drummer’s collarbone, and Roger loved to hear Robert trying to say his name.

“My dear Robert!” shouted Freddie, amazed to see John’s son. “Can we use him to appear in the music video. I’m thinking of-”

“No way, Freddie.” said John, amused. 

☆

Even that the two songs were pretty different of each other, Queen decided to film at the same day, first We Will Rock You and then Spread your Wings. For some reason Roger thought he should express himself about John’s song, so before the filming, he waited John tell to Crystal how feeding his son, and when the bass player was walking to the yard, wearing a cowboy hat he said “First of all you aren’t gonna wear this.” and he took the hat of John’s head.

“Only Freddie can wear what he wants?” teased John.

“If you wants to wear this, write a song about cowboys.” grinned Roger, walking with John to the place they chose.

There’s a piano in the yard, and Roger’s drums was above a small plataform. Brian was still drinking a hot tea while Freddie was rehearsing his moves to the first music video. The winter and the snow made the yard look beautiful, just like John imagined.

“I don’t know how you can be so chill only wearing this jacket.” commented Roger. “I’m freezing!”

“Always complaining about the cold.” John rolled his eyes. “That’s why we bought a fireplace.”

“Indeed.” giggled the drummer.

Even that John knew he shouldn’t talk about their past, it was comfortable and he liked the smile the blond was wearing.

“You probably didn’t pay attention that day, so I’m gonna say again: I like your song. A lot.” Roger put his hand on John’s shoulder. “Spread your wings, but please don’t fly away.”

John liked the shinning on that pair of blue eyes too.

“I won’t. You all would miss me.” John shrugged.

Roger bit his own tongue, to not give him the honest answer.

“Darlings, let’s start this.” Freddie called them.

The filming was really calm, and Roger enjoyed that moment, maybe because Brian’s song was too cheerful, with the clapping and the guitar solo, and for that instant he felt like nothing ever changed on his life. Queen was okay, John was smiling and having a good time. Everything looked fine.

After some hours filming, they took a break, to lunch and to watch what they have so far. As always Freddie had something to point, but mostly it was pretty good. Brian said they probably could move to the next music video.

John checked on Robert, who’s now napping at Roger’s bedroom. The brunet lost his breath when he remembered another moment of Robert napping there.

_Robert looked more used to John’s house now, and he didn’t find problem to run around the house, Roger getting exhausted for try to chase him. “He’s a kid, but he’s fast.” argued Roger, trying to stop John’s laugh._

_After a afternoon of making a bunch of games with the kid, attempting to tire him, the drummer took an asleep boy at his bed, watching him while himself was too tired to get up of the bed. So Roger didn’t resist and decided to nap too._

_John came to their bedroom when Robert was rolling in the bed, moving his head to rest on the blond’s arm, the bass player just enjoying the scene from the door._

“Deaks.” John woke up from his memory with Brian calling him. “We’re ready for the next video.”

“Okay.” John put a smile on his face and went back to the yard.

Roger didn’t know what happened, but John seemed more comfortable around him, and this made him happy. The filming day was doing great, and now it’s Spread your Wings time, a song that he knew is about him, and somehow he’s proud of the song; he knew how much John is a great writer, and he could take good lyrics about everything (months ago the drummer was still mocking him about Misfire).

During the shooting something happened. Roger was trying so hard to act normal, to the music video be accurate, but when the camera wasn’t on John the blond noticed that he’s glancing to him, to fast to the drummer stare back. The smart-ass was using the camera moves on his favour, or maybe the video could show too much. He didn’t know what to think unless how much painful was being to the brunet to film his sadness song there.

And it was. John’s heart was beating fast, his mind playing again all the days he lived there, moments of joy and love, and even he’s still pretty mad with Roger, he wanted him so bad. It’s almost ridiculous how much he needed the other.

Then, when Freddie was singing ‘Nothing in this world, nothing could make him stay’, John looked back, at the same time Roger put his eyes on him. They exchanged a two seconds look, and the drummer understood a thing between the lines: he’d be the only thing that make John stay.

He wouldn’t wait another day. Roger will tell him today about Dominique.

 


	25. Searching for love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who likes a plot twist?

When the shooting finished, the four men went to the camera, to see the result of the second music video, what’s pretty well like the other one, of course. Roger couldn’t stopping to think how cute John was in that video, even when he sneezed.   


Now that Roger finally said ‘fuck it’ to the whole blackmailing thing, he felt a big weight getting off his shoulders, and it seemed like he could see better, the colours were brighter and prettier now. He just needed five minutes to be alone with John, so he could get back to him. Even that this meant the end of Queen, or going back to the cladestinity with John. Nothing really matters to him now but his love, something he could never have neglected.   


“I must say that it’s amazing.” commented Freddie, delighted.   


“Are we done?” asked Brian, that looked tired after the afternoon with two shootings.   


“J ohn, can I talk to you?” the Queen drummer called the brunet, who stared at him, frowning. “It’s really important.”   


Something about Roger’s tone made the bass player nod. “Okay.”   


They two were walking to the stairs when the front door opened. Dominique walked in, with a big smile on her face.   


John’s feature changed in the second he saw the brunette, and the blond looked at him, worried. He knew the mood could get worse with those two in the same room, specially when Roger guaranteed to John he wouldn’t see the brunette that day. Why she needed to come back just now?   


“Babe, great news!” Dominique shouted, getting the attention of the whole room.   


Only now everyone noted her presence. It seemed the dark cloud came back along with the woman, Freddie crossing his arms with annoyance and Brian being more alert.   


“Can we talk after everyone go to home?” Roger put emphasis at the word, and staring firmly to her, because she was wrapping her arms around his neck and wearing a goofy smile while John was just next to them. 

Even that his eyes weren’t on him, Roger could feel the bassist taking some distance from them.   


But the brunette ignored him. “I’m getting back to the doctor.” And her eyes were getting wet with happiness. “Rog, I’m pregnant.”    


Roger’s eyes wided, with shock. ‘Fuck, not now.’    


John felt nausea, his thoughts getting fuzzy. Until now the day was being pretty good, and for some moments he could pretend the french woman didn’t exist, but now, with her big news, he couldn’t pretend anymore. Dominique is pregnant, carrying a child. Roger’s child.   


For a minute no one dared to breathe. It’s like everyone besides Dominique was waiting to the woman laugh and say she’s joking. Specially Roger was waiting that’s a fucking joke. Life couldn’t be so _fucking sadistic_ like this.

Nothing could be worse than be forever bonded with her.   


“Rog, babe? Are you not happy?” Dominique stopped to smile.   


“I- You- We- ” Roger didn’t know what to say. Words were pretty hard when a nightmare was getting shape in front of his eyes.   


Without saying anything, John took Robert, who’s now on Phoebe’s arms, grabbed his stuff and ran out. Literally. He couldn’t bare to stay there, or he’d watch Roger smiling proudly while he’d touch Dominique’s belly. And the brunet didn’t have nerve enough to it.   


“I’ll go after him.” said Brian to Freddie, that just nodded, still out of words.   


Roger was zoomed out, trying to not believe that he’d be a father of Dominique’s kid. Minutes ago he’s about to tell John about the lie he’s living with Dominique, and now he couldn’t escape from her.   


☆

John didn’t even have courage to talk about it with Veronica. He just handed Robert to his ex-wife and went back to the car, ignoring her calling. He’s trying to take the scene of Dominique saying she’s pregnant out of his mind, but it seemed to be more nitid and that her voice was screaming on his head.    


He’s stupid to think that it couldn’t happen. Of course Roger and Dominique had sex, of course that she could knock up, of course they would start a family, and kids are just the cherry on the top. But the worst of all it that John and Roger was really getting along, just like the old days, but Dominique getting home was just the remind to the bass player that the old days won’t never get back.   


John was waiting to get at the hotel room to cry while he drink his ass out, but he found Brian waiting for him in front of his room, with a worried look on his face.   


“Hey, mate.” said Brian, smiling sadly to him. “Let’s get inside and talk. Shall we?”   


John just opened the door, letting Brian walk in before himself, the curly-haired man sitting in the bed. The bass player took two glasses and filled them with a open vodca he’s drinking earlier, Brian accepting without complain, and sat next to the other.   


They waited in silence during the first glass, but when the guitar player noted the other wouldn’t talk first, he iniciated “Deaky, I can see the news about Dominique’s pregnancy got you upset.”   


“I get upset when you lecture me, or when I don’t win at Scrabble.” John filled his glass again and drank it in one go. “That ruined me.” and his eyes were watery suddenly, tears running quietly down on his face.   


Brian squeezed his shoulder, comforting him. “I know. It sucks, and just now that you two were talking again.”   


After the third glass John’s head was more cloudy, but the sadness didn’t disappered.   


Brian started to talk something about he and Chrissie, but actually John wasn’t pay much attention to his friend, because the only thing he could think is that Roger is building a new family, while he’s alone, without anyone that could warm him up. He wanted to feel good, to show to Roger he could get over him, just like he did with him.   


Normally John would shut Brian about his selfish problems, but the brunet was too slow after the fifth glass of vodca, and sometimes his mate’s voice was too far and sometimes too close, like a bad-tuned radio.   


“There’s anything that I could do to help, John?” asked Brian, frowning.   


John looked to his friend, and without think properly he kissed Brian. With his free hand he copped the guitarist’s cheek, waiting to his mouth open so he could deep the kiss. He never truly imagined how it’d be kissing Brian, but he extremely surprised to find that his friend’s lips were smooth and tasteful.    


Brian pulled away, and John saw he’s scared. “What was that?” Brian’s eyes never got so wided.   


“You wanna help me? Make me forget.” John said, simply.   


Brian blinked twice, then he took John’s glass of his hand, and he put the two glasses on the wardrobe. The next thing he did was kissing John again, now parting his lips, leaning his body to fond with the brunet. John smiled and sucked Brian’s upper lip, crawling up his lap, and while he’s with the taller’s lip between his teeth the bassist pulled aggressively Brian’s hair, but he seemed to like, by the way he moaned.   


Things were getting too fast, and with a quick moviment they were now lied down in the bed, John on top of Brian, kissing the other with want and feeling his hands running down his body, John’s lips going to Brian’s neck, planting wet kisses when the older one squeezed his ass. The bass player could feel the other fainting and shivering, and he’s getting proud of it.   


Back to his lips, John invested with no mercy, moving his lips fast, not giving space to Brian to breathe, and he started to brushed on Brian, feeling his – already known big – cock friction on his own. Brian put his tongue inside John’s mouth and squeezed John’s bum during the frottage. “This is so good.” breathed out Brian.   


“Fuck me, Rog.” splitted out John.   


And he heard what he said.   


In the same moment Brian opened his eyes, looking to John, who’s now blushing strongly. The brunet fell off Brian’s lap, sitting next to mattress head, and the guitarist sat again, breathing heavily.   


He now made out with half of his own band and both experiences were pretty vexatious. John could burry himself.   


This was just a trying to feel good, and now he blow the only chance he had to have sex in months.   


“So...that was an experience.” pointed Brian.   


“I’m sorry, Brian. I never felt so ashamed in my entire life.” John hided his face with his hands.   


During the kisses he didn’t think much about it, but right now he could imagine how odd it’ll be to be around Brian, someone who’s always a really good friend and now he know how is the taste of his tongue. That’s just bloody amazing.   


“No problem. This only shows what I think. You can’t take Roger out of your system, mate.” John looked to him and rolled his eyes. “I know that right now it’s horrible to know that.”   


“Big time.” assured John, grouchy.   


“But I guess tomorrow will be better.” Brian shrugged, not much certain about what he said.   


Looking to his friend again, John tried to laugh quietly, but soon he just let a loud giggle come out of him. “We just made out.” commented the bass player, and then Brian enjoyed him, laughing too. “So...Was it good to you?”   


“You’re a good kisser, but I’ll remain only with women.”   


☆

Freddie saw that something’s clearly wrong, by the way Roger was looking to Dominique – like the news of a child coming wasn’t the best thing to be heard. So the main singer managed to take the entire staff out of Roger’s house, letting just him, the blond and the woman there.   


“Rog, why you’re not happy? I know we never talked about kids, but it’s still a blessing.” Dominique was confused, now sat in the couch.   


“He’s just...overwhelmed, dear.” said Freddie, touching on Roger’s shoulders. “He just need a drink. Can we drink at my house, Roger? Having a man-to-man talk?” and he’s seeing his friend still in shock.   


“Freddie, he must stay here, with me.” Dominique stood up, putting her hands on her hips, not liking Freddie’s invitation in such an inopportune time.   


“Dominique, my dear, he needs some air. We’ll be right back.” And without waiting for more protests from Dominique, Freddie pushed Roger out of his house, grabbing Roger’s car keys. “I hope you can drive, because I’m useless.”   


Roger handed the keys and got in the car, Freddie sitting next to him. Since the moment the drummer started the car until Freddie’s house they didn’t share a word, even that Freddie looked worried to his friend, maybe waiting for a breakdown. Not that Roger wasn’t about to have one.   


A kid. A freaking human growing inside Dominique. Someone with Roger’s DNA. He wasn’t stupid, he had a fucking degree in Biology after all; he knew fertile period of a woman, and he knew that they had sex right after her menses. He didn’t care much at the time – or he didn’t want to worry about it. Roger never imagined that fate could kick him in the nuts like that.   


Of course he wanted kids in some moment of his life, but he wanted _with John_. If at some point Science could make people have biologic kids without having sex Roger’d totally jump on that, but he wouldn’t mind to adopt kids with John. Someone who could call him daddy and for whom he could be a father figure. And Roger always look forward to be a good step-father for Robert.   


But having Dominique’s kid wasn’t part if the plan. Actually his plan was to have Dominique as far as possible. But now he couldn’t anymore.   


Because a little link will be holding them together.   


“We arrived, Roger. Come get inside.” Freddie spoke, after they parked five minutes ago in front of his house and the blond didn’t move yet.   


Roger blinked and got out of the car.   


When Freddie opened the front door his cats meowed greeting him, but he didn’t have time to give them attention, and he asked Roger to sit at the couch and walked to a mini bar he had, finding a strong whiskey the drummer likes so much.   


“Dominique is pregnant.” whispered the blond.   


“I know, darling. I was there.” pointed the singer. “That can happen when you fuck a woman.” and Freddie took a glass to Roger.   


“I can’t be a father, not now.” Roger said, drinking the whole liquid immediately. He stood up, to refill the glass. “I was so close, _this close_...” the blond was talking more to himself that to his friend.   


Roger didn’t mind to put the drink on the glass – he’s too reckless to mind – and he grabbed the whiskey and started to drink right from the bottle. He needed to be away for some seconds, maybe forever. After tonight he didn’t matter to go home alive or dead.   


“Roger, stop this shit.” Freddie demanded. “It’s no time to be childish.”   


After drinking half of the bottle, Roger took a sharp breath, resting his head on the wall. The drink was burning his throat, and he could feel the known feeling of insobriety starting to run on his body while the minuts were passing. He could hear Freddie saying that he’ll be a father now and he needed to change some attitudes, like the impulsive ones, but he couldn’t care less about it right now.   


Roger was just minutes away to say the truth to John, to get him back, and right now he never felt himself more far away from the brunet. He ran away, left the drummer behind in the worse scenario of his life.   


He knew that Freddie wanted to support him and such, but right now he just wanted to forget, just for a bit, the horrible moment he’s getting into. And the whisky was getting throught his blood, making him care less and less about his future kid.   


“What you want to do right now, darling?” Freddie asked, and Roger looked at him, the singer still on the couch.   


The blond had some seconds to think what he want to do while he walked to his friend, but he didn’t use none, he just pushed Freddie to lie on the couch and leaned on him until their lips met. He could feel himself moving his own body to trap the other to not stop the kiss, trying his best to make Freddie join it, pulling his tongue out of his mouth.   


But when Roger tilt his face the brunet pulled away, stunned. “Roger Taylor, are you out of your mind?”   


“You asked me what I wanted to do, and I want this. To pretend. Please.” Roger seemed sure what he’s saying.   


Freddie just let it happen, so he pulled Roger closer, kissing him again, now letting the drummer biting his lip. He’s the good kisser he always bragged to be, and surprised the singer when he pushed his legs to wrap around his waist, touching deftly while their lips moved in sync, and Roger liked the way Freddie let him take the control – even in a stupid moment like this he liked to have a bit of control.   


After some moments, both losing their breaths, Roger felt Freddie starting to brush conviniently on him, let him know another action they could do, and the blond attacked his lips again, without warning, and the singer groaned on his mouth, doing the move one more time.   


Roger bit Freddie’s chin, the other holding softly his hair. “Oh, fuck, Rog. You know how to make someone feel good.”   


“Let me fuck you, Deaky.” said Roger, without thinking too much.   


And the mess was done.   


Freddie looked down to the drummer, that opened his mouth, paralyzed with the words that came out of his mouth. The singer pulled away, giving some space in the couch to Roger, who couldn’t believe he just said that to the wrong person.

He did call some times someone by the wrong name, but never like that – he never shagged anybody and called by someone else’s name. And the worse of it: he did with Freddie.   


Just for fun the blond already imagined how it could be making out with his friend, but now that he really did Roger thought he couldn’t know how to see in his face again.   


“Now I can scratch that from my list.” remarked Freddie.   


“Fuck, Freddie, I’m so sorry.” begged Roger, hallucinated.   


“Darling, just save it. I’m not even mad.” he flicked the wrist. “But you just splited John’s name, your former boyfriend, not Dominique’s, your actual girlfriend. That means something.”   


Now the distraction was over, Roger reminded what he’ll be throught. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be a father now.” and when he saw Freddie open his mouth to argue the drummer added “Now it’s my turn to say you to save it.”   


Freddie just sighed, beaten. He knew that right now Roger wouldn’t hear him anyways. “Okay, but when the time come I’ll be here to hear you.”   


And Roger said he should go home, and Freddie didn’t stop him. When the blond was holding the doorhandle, he turned around with a playful smirk. “We were about to do it.”   


“Another thing to scratch from my list.” mocked the singer.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breaky is really weird, I know, but in any way I wouldn't write Maylor :))))


	26. Together

Freddie and Brian felt each other pretty weird in the week after Dominique’s announcement. Actually everyone in the studio was in a horrible mood; the staff and roadies could feel that the band wasn’t going well, and the main singer and the guitar player could feel they’re worried the band would break up.

Neither Roger or John were showing up to the studio now, both to embarassed of what happened. Freddie and Brian didn’t know if the rhythm sections was afraid to see each other or to see the person they kissed in that infamous night.

God, they two were afraid too. They just kissed their other half of the band, and it seems this wouldn’t help at all to the current situation.

So, after days ignoring the pain in the stomach, something that always happens when he didn’t speak up about what’s bothering him, Freddie just grabbed Brian’s arm, the guitarist looking at him surprised, but being totally ignored for the other. And they walked in silence to the streets, Freddie releasing the guitarist’s arm and said “Look, I need to put this out of myself, or I’ll die.”

“Jesus, Freddie, you’re scaring me.” Brian said, worried.

“Okay, okay.” The main singer breathed, more to himself than to his friend, and he looked around. No one they knew was close to them. “Remember the day we filmed the music videos, that Dominique said she’s pregnant?” Brian nodded, focused. “So, after everyone go home, Roger and I went to my place to have some drinks, and...and he kissed me.”

Freddie hided his face with his hands, ashamed of he just said, imagining the jugdy face of Brian, a expression he knows so well, especially when the curly-haired man wants to lecture him. But Brian didn’t shout or yell at him, so after some moments Freddie looked between his fingers and he found Brian with red cheeks – something that didn’t happen very often with the taller man. Actually, Freddie could count in one hand the times he saw Brian blushing.

“Ok, so that’s odd.” Freddie put down his hands, now on his hips. “Something happened to you not scream at me after this.”

“It’s that...John kissed me that night.” confessed the man. And right away he added “It was just kisses, you know. Nothing too forward.”

“Oh, yeah, me too. Can you imagine us having sex with Roger and John?” laughed Freddie, snapping his friend’s chest, Brian accepting and laughing with me.

“Please, I rather not.” Brian shook his head, and after some moments he got serious again. “But there’s one thing that happened that bothers me, but I’ll only say after you promise me you won’t run to tell Roger. Promise me, Freddie Mercury.”

Brian looked pretty serious, and Freddie nodded, confident. “Spill the beans, pretty boy.”

“John...Er...During the th-thing...He just called me ‘Roger’”. Brian mouthed in a low tone thinking that he shouldn’t say that.

“No way, Brian!” Freddie smiled, but the younger noted that it wasn’t as a mockery way. He looked pretty happy. “Brian, Roger called me ‘John’”.

For the first moment since the beginning of this horrible talk, Brian felt something good. His eyes wided with the singer’s revelation.

“No way!” Brian laughed. “So...What we should do then?”

“What we do best, darling. We should meddle.”

☆

Freddie and Brian called to Roger and John, saying to go to Brian’s house, for a band’s emergency meeting. Obviously both whined and tried to make excuses to not go, but the main singer and the guitarist didn’t let them hung up until they said they’d go. Even that Brian was pretty resistent to use his house as a meeting place – they wouldn’t know what could happen after – he accepted after Freddie the magic words.

“We need to help love.” The singer said, in a pretty beggy voice.

They two are unsufferable.

When Roger arrived, pretty early for his standarts, Freddie just waved to him and walked away, going outside the front door. The blond imagined he’s still pretty embarassed, just as himself, so he let it be. And Brian started to talk him, and if Roger didn’t know the other better he could say the older man was trying to linger the small talk. 

Minutes after the bell rang and Roger looked to the door, but Brian pushed him to the stairs, saying to him to wait upstairs until he finish a ‘thing’ he’s doing. Roger was puzzled; Brian loves to talk thoroughly about everything he does. Something was really weird, but the drummer waited in a guest room Brian pointed.

Of course, this must be a weird plan to make him talk to Freddie without being weird. This is such a Brian thing to do! Of course Freddie couldn’t contain himself and said to Brian and now the guitar player wanted to the band get along again. Emergency band meeting my ass, thought Roger, smiling.

And when the door opened, Roger turned around, staring the wall, imagining a clueless Freddie walking inside the room. And he heard a tiny voice – that sounded like Freddie’s – saying “Just wait here for me, just for a sec, okay?”

The door was closed and Roger waited to hear Freddie talk to him, but instead a different voice spoke “Roger?”

The blond turned around, scared. John was in the room with him.

The bass player moved back, to open the door, but he and Roger heard the sound of a key locking the door. “What the-”

“You won’t get out of there until you talk.” Brian said in the other side of the door.

“Sorry for this.” Freddie asked, but his voice didn’t sounded like he’s sorry at all.

John kept staring to the door, so nervous. First Roger will be a father, then he kissed one of his closest friends, and now this. He must be paying for cheating Veronica, because this is a fucking nightmare. He didn’t want to be friends with Roger anymore – one thing is pretending Roger wasn’t dating anyone else, like he’s doing for some weeks, but other thing is to see the drummer praising about his future child with Dominique. He wasn’t that masochist.

Roger wasn’t any better. After the incident at Freddie’s house, he had to get back to Dominique’s arms, and the brunette requested sex to celebrate they will be parents. The blond just said ‘fuck it’ and played along, not liking one bit what he’s doing, but he had to be used to it. This will be his life now.

He knew he’ll love the kid. When he’s going home he caught himself thinking of the baby: Boy or girl? Would they have Dom’s hair or Roger’s eyes? Would they like music as him? Also, the baby didn’t have any fault of the mess their parents were, so he’d give his best to not let his rejection feelings for the mother affect his relationship with the baby.

The drummer saw John breathing heavily, his back raising a bit during it, and then the bassist turned around, to look to Roger. He didn’t look well, at John’s opinion.

“Well, I guess we need to talk so we can get out of here.” commented John, too nervous to make a dry tone.

“Yeah, I guess.” Roger shrugged.

If he thought one day that look to John when they broke up was bad, now it’s ten times higher. 

“So...Congrats for the baby. The parents must be very proud of.” John wore a fake smile. “Dominique will be cute with a pregancy belly.”

“John, I don’t know if someone ever said to you that you’re a good liar, but you’re not.” Roger tried to not show how much hurt he was with the brunet’s words.

“What you want me to say? You promised me I wouldn’t have to deal with her, that I wouldn’t see her around.” In every word the man shouted more louder than before. “And guess what? I trusted you again and you broke my trust one more time!”

John kicked the room’s door, making a big noise. He didn’t care who’d hear or if he could scare someone, he just wanted to make the pain inside his heart go away and never come back.

He’s tired to love Roger and this love don’t reward him with nothing.

The blond tried to not walk to John and touch his back, to not comfort him, but it’s stronger than him. He’s tired to fight with this feeling too. 

They’re tired of not being together.

In the moment John felt Roger’s hand on him the bass player shoved him off, saying “I don’t need your pity.”

“John, I didn’t want this either. I was about to...” Roger started to cry, hot tears running on his face.

He couldn’t handle anymore. He’s on too much pressure. That feeling of choking was a daily friend, a way to not fall apart. But right now, with John too angry around him Roger realized his sacrifice wasn’t enough for the band. Queen wouldn’t survive anyways.

“You were about to what, Rog?” John questioned, his curiosity winning his anger.

It doesn’t matter now. He did too much shit. John wouldn’t accept him back eitherway.

“That day, before Dominique get home, I asked you to talk with me.” Roger said, wipping his wet face. He looked down; he couldn’t handle stare at John’s eyes right now. “I would say to you talk Dominique blackmailied me to make me break up with you. And to date her.”

“SHE DID WHAT?” Freddie yelled, at the other side of the door, upset.

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Freddie. Let’s go downstairs.” Brian said, probably having to pushing his friend to walk away to the door.

But Freddie’s yelling wasn’t enough to take John’s eyes away from Roger, who’s still looking pretty interested to the floor.

John felt something weird on his chest. Something beating up so fast, something he didn’t feel in quite a while. After some investigation he realized it was _his heart_. During some months of sorrow, having a strong emotion was odd to him, and he took a moment to realize how was to feel it again.

“She did what?” asked John, still too dizzy to make a coherent question.

“She took a compromising picture of us and she showed to me during the party we throw in the mansion. She required me to break up with you or she’d send it to some journal and Queen’d be done.” Roger’s voice was too low.

“And why you never said anything to me?”

Roger look up again, and he saw John crossing his arms, intrigued. Not angry or pissed. Intrigued.

“Because I got scared of what she could do to us, to Queen. And, well, I thought it’d be the mature thing to do.” Roger bit his lip, ashamed to speak up the words. Saying them out loud they looked more absurd and dumb than in his mind.

“‘The mature thing’? Roger, you sucker, I cried so many times because I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” John rolled his eyes, a mix of feelings that he couldn’t name. The brunet didn’t know what he wanted to do first: hug or punch Roger. He felt his whole body shiver before he asked “But...Do you still love me?”

Roger laughed, not seeing fun at all at that question. “I love you enough to have done this stupid thing.”

John moved his feet, to be closer to Roger. The bass player started to remember what he’s been throught since the blond said he didn’t want him anymore. All the tears, all the pain, all the nights up, everyday of sorrow was in front of him, like a dark curtain on his eyes. Right now Roger’s blue eyes, even being watery, cleaned his view.

His hands touched Roger’s, the drummer watching the whole moviment, trying to ignore all the signs – he’d hate to have hope just now – and find John looking at him.

There’s a shine on John’s eyes, something Roger didn’t see in a while. The shine he always saw when they woke up together.

“Roger...When you will finally understand that when it comes to us we always need to work together?” John asked, with a strong glance.

Roger’s eyes wided. Did John say what he thinks he’s saying? 

Until seconds ago the drummer was aware of little sounds near them. Some birds singing loudly in the yard, a music playing downstairs (but he didn’t quite remember what song was it), a drop of water dripping into the sink in the bathroom. But now he only could hear his irregular breath and his jumping heart.

“Are you saying...?” Roger’s mouth was dry.

“I’m not saying I forgive you.” John got serious again. “You hurt me so bad. I...” a tear rolled over the bassist’s face. “I’ve been through hell. But I accept you to try to reward me, day by day, until the day one of us die.”

And Roger felt John squeezing his hands, and the blond tried something. Without untangle their hands, Roger pulled him closer, wrapping John’s hands around his own waist. John allowed it, and sensed the older move his hands to his neck. There’s still fear on the blue eyes.

“John, are you taking me back?” he needed to clarify, his voice shaking in the end.

The brunet gave a sarcastic snort. “When I took you out? You never left me, Roger Taylor.”

An erratic smile grow on Roger’s lips, the blond trying to accept what’s going on. If he wasn’t feeling John’s skin brushing on his body he’d think he’s dreaming. But it’s real. John back to his arms was fucking real.

Roger leaned in, touching his forehead on John’s, and he closed his eyes, the feeling of happiness filling up his veins, relaxing his muscles. “Please, let me kiss you.” He whispered.

“Please do.” The brunet whispered back.

The drummer felt the excitment – the one he always felt seconds before he put his lips on John – again. He thought he’d never feel it again in this life. Roger cupped John’s face, with a smile and tears, feeling his heart wouldn’t take the level of joy.

And the gap between them was closed. Their lips met again, with sickness of all those months apart, the softness they missed, the tendness and passion they only found with each other. 

Once again, they are on sync. _As it should be_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You welcome.


	27. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Istg I don't like to write smut, but they need to make an epic coming back

They didn’t waste any time and now they’re on the bed, Roger on top of John, kissing all his face, and the brunet giggled when he felt the drummer’s nose on his neck, smelling him.

“Fuck, I miss your smell.” Roger confessed, giving quick pecks on the other’s skin.

It’s something so stupid, but he missed a lot. The first thing he remember when he woke up; Months before, he could smile lazily while he rolled closer to his lover and crocked his nose on the bassist’s neck, his nostrils filling up with it, until the other wake up too.

He missed every single small stupid moment he daily had with John.

He could be forever in this position, feeling his skin against John’s, hands over his body, Roger smelling the natural scent he loved so much, and for the blond was the necessary right now. But John needed more, so he put his hands over Roger’s cheeks and pull him to another kiss, hungrier this time.

The drummer gasped when John bit his lower lip, sucking slowly and attacking it again with no time. He felt what the brunet really wanted when he started to brush against him, making needy noises that he knew so well. John’s tongue made him shiver – months apart but he still remember how to drive the blond crazy.

“John.” Roger breathed against his mouth, but John didn’t let him stop the kiss. In the second try the older one was stronger. “John. We are at Brian’s house.”

“I don’t fucking care. I need you. Inside of me. Right now.” John’s hands running to Roger’s bum and squeezing it.

“But...” the blond made a weird face, a bit uncomfortable to dirt his best friend’s sheets.

“He and Freddie had the idea to lock us up, so he can deal with the consequences.” 

Their mouths didn’t leave each other, moving loosely because they miss that touch or because they didn’t feel this joy for so long. Roger wouldn’t make him stop and neither John’d stop. The taste was a mix of cigars, alcohol and nostalgia, and every second the heart beating speed up a bit more.

Taking clothes off was now better for Roger, because he really wanted to have sex with that person under him, and now he wanted to keep his eyes open, to see every move they make and every breath they take. Any piece the brunet took off the blond started to kiss the exposed skin, with care and softness.

When they were only on their pants, they felt their bodies more active than ever, both cocks already hard, like they knew they will find each other again, and they shivered with every touch, running their fingers with knowlegde – they knew what they were doing, how to make the other horny and to product a moan.

The kisses restarted when the pants were gone, and they felt their bodies heating up, suffered low groans letting out when their cocks touched themselves in rough moves, Roger’s teeth marking John’s chest while their hips moved strongly. The bass player hissed under the sharp bites, but he wouldn’t care; this is the best type of pain he could feel.

Roger’s hand find the brunet’s hole, and he shocked when he felt how open he was. The blond looked to him, and John had a shy smile.

“When Brian called me I was playing with myself.” commented the bassist, coyly.

“Were you thinking of me?” Roger’s voice was raw, and his cock twiched when John nodded.

The drummer kissed him again, passionate, wanting so badly to feel inside John, the urge moments before the warmness of him be filling it up for his cock. And he sensed when the younger man wrapped his legs around him, gluing their bodies more, not stopping of getting drunk by their mouths. If one day he didn’t get the attention of John’s lips as he should, now Roger had the total awareness of every inch of that mouth, how he’d appreciate the way John humming for him, begging for his cock, and the smile that appears on his face when the drummer starts to get inside him.

John tilted his head, already overwhelmed, being filled by the person he truly loved, his hole pulsing around Roger. He couldn’t compare anything with this feeling.

Their eyes found each other again, both men gasping for air, even they didn’t make any action yet. “Fuck, John. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Roger sang, having the time of his life.

The blond started to move slowly, enjoying the thrusts, not because he’s sadic – he wanted so bad to come, so teasing was not in the table right now – but John needed to adapt again with his height. The most beautiful thing was under him: John was biting his own lip, in a very sexy way, and he’s clearly trying to not moan loudly.

Roger glued their lips again when he speed up his moviments, John closing his eyes and making noises everytime the drummer hit on him. The pleasure got the brunet and he’s already seeing stars, and stuck his nails at Roger’s back, or else he’d open his mouth and the whole house would know what they were doing. He only could believe that it’s real because the strong shiver that run over his body, or else John’d think that it’s a dream, like what he did days ago. 

His blood pressure was rising, and he’s feeling his cock beggining for attention, even that during the action Roger’s skin brushed on it. No, he needed a hand wrapped over his cock, the drummer’s calloused hands playing with the head. But for some seconds he forgot about it, because Roger found his prostate, the blond’s cock hitting his insides, and a more needy sound was made.

“Rog, don’t fucking stop!” cried out the brunet, hearing the other’s breathe getting thick, but making his request and keeping doing the same moves, feeling the sensibility getting higher in every thrust.

Roger never was a man that liked to praise during sex, but today he was. He moved his lips to John’s ear and started to kiss all the ear extention, whispering the sweetest things to the bass player: how much he loved him, how everyday he thought of him, day and night, how he was loving to feel him again on his arms and how he’ll make him the happiest man of all, and that he’ll never let John be out of his sight. All this being said while the drummer was getting in and out of him.

After this Roger took his face away from John, to see him better, and stopped inside John, just to move in slow motions, feeling a pleasure that he almost forgot how it was. John was laid down, a bit messy, his spine curlyed up, scratching his arms on the headboard to stay still, his lips trembling. In a really rough thrust John opened his mouth, but no sound was made, and Roger saw some neck veins popping up. That’s probably the hottest picture the blond ever witnessed in his whole life.

With the strength he had John made himself and Roger roll over, and now he’s on top of Roger, and he started to riding him. He always loved to lap the drummer, seeing him holding his waist and gasping loudly. Unfortunally this time he couldn’t hear it, but that’s okay, because now Roger was stroking him, his hand fastly jerking him off. John felt the sweat running his neck, but he wouldn’t quit; the brunet only would get out of Roger’s lap when he feel the cum filling him.

Watching John moving above him was making Roger feel the room warmer, or maybe because he’s too close to come. The cocky smile the bass player was wearing was known: John loved to drive him crazy, and he knew the blond wouldn’t take any longer. His toes were curlying up, his face was getting a slight red colour, and he’s rolling his eyes very often. He still knew all the signs, and that’s why his pace got fast, rocking against Roger’s cock with a new enthusiasm, his own pulsing between the drummer’s fingers.

“Look at me, John. I wanna see your eyes.” Asked the blond, and John made the pairs of eyes met again. It was hard for the brunet maintain the eye contact, with all the feelings running like crazy over his body, sensing he’d collapse at any moment. 

And Roger touching him wasn’t getting it easier. Even the pleasure was almost blinding him, the blond kept touching John, from the tip of his cock till the basis, moving according John’s ride, a well-coordenated pair. He heard John trying to say his name, but in the end was just a weird bubbling, so he knew John was having a good time.

They still were good together. They still knew how to make the other feel good. The hands and finger running on their bodies, the little sounds that escaped, the lips swollen from biting and kissing, the bright shine they had on their eyes when they came.

John’s whole body felt softly in the mattress, his legs shaking but his smile stayed on. Roger was gasping for air, feeling his heart about to explode, in the best way possible. Their fingers found each other and tangled, a strong grip. They couldn’t tear apart anymore.

Roger rolled over, getting closer to John, the brunet’s eyes on him. “I love you.”

“I know.” John felt a tear running on his face. “I love you too.”

“And I’m sorry. I will say this until you really forgive me.”

“You better.” And they two laughed with it.

John let Roger resting his head on his chest, his hands combing the blond hair of him. Again, they were in a bed after a great reconciliation. The brunet really hoped he didn’t have to pass throught this again. I mean, the sex is great, but it didn’t worth the whole thing.

“Roger, what we’re gonna do with Dominique?” questioned the brunet after a while.

“I guess I need to try make her speak.” Roger said, his fingers caressing John’s chest.

“So you’ll be with her tonight.”

“And tomorrow, and the day after that, until we find the damn picture.”

The silence that John let made Roger look up. He knew it wasn’t ideal – it’s pretty far from ideal, but they need to wait a little while.

“I wouldn’t stay if I wasn’t pretty fucking scared. You are my life, Deaky, but so is Queen.” Roger spoke, firmly. “And she’s now pregnant. Of a child of mine.”

“Did you not think the baby could be from someone else?” John looked down. He kinda wished in the past few days.

“I don’t think so. Dominique really loves me, in a really creepy way.”

“Yeah, I know.” And the brunet groaned. “Urgh! The simple thought of you kissing her and touching her...”

“Hey.” Roger pulled him closer. “I’m always thinking of you. I never felt anything, _anything_ , for her. You’re the one that I want.” Roger gave him a smirk.

“Please, not that song.” John rolled his eyes. For some crazy reason John hate this song and Roger loved it. The drummer opened his mouth and the brunet raised his finger. “If you sing it, I’ll break up with you.”

“Never!” shouted Roger, kissing his face with joy, until find his lips again.

Maybe they would give a round two if a knock wasn’t made on the bedroom door.

“Please, say you’re both dressed.” Brian asked.

John got red in a second, and Roger giggled. “I don’t know if I’d say to you” John started, looking down “but I kissed Brian once, after the music videos making.”

“Thank God, because I was afraid to tell you that I kissed Freddie once too.” Roger saw John’s eyes wide.

“We need to catch up.”

“Yeah, we do.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this fic is coming, and till there is only fluff :) so deal with it


	28. To love and live forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to, listen You're Mine by Lea Michele

When the four members of Queen showed up in the studio in the day after, the roadies got a little surprised, and Crystal Taylor commented that ‘maybe they still would have their jobs for a while’, resulting with Roger showing his finger.

John was the last one to arrive, being greeted with a long and loud peck of Roger, with the blond saying he looked pretty handsome for a early hour, but that wasn’t surprising for him, the bass player just smiling back to him.

“We need to get used to meddle, Brian.” mocked Freddie, drinking coffee. “And you welcome.”

“For what, mate?” Roger raised his eyebrow.

“For help you two to get back together.” 

Roger took a deep breath while they all sat in the studio couch. He really needed to give some explaination to them, his bandmates, his best friends.

“I was an asshole for keep all the blackmailing thing to myself. I shouldn’t. It wasn’t fair with me, with John, and with you two.” Started Roger, looking to the front man and the guitar player.

“It wasn’t.” agreed Brian.

“And I want to say that I’m sorry for almost break the band, even that all I wanted is to keep it together.” 

Freddie got closer to Roger and hugged him, Roger holding his friend tight. He missed this affection from him.

“We love you, dear. But sometimes you need to remember that you’re not alone, you know.” Freddie said when the hug ended.

“We’re still family, and family means trust on each other, share the problems and solve the issues.” added the curly-haired man.

“I don’t know where you get this from, but family doesn’t mean this.” teased Roger, who’s about to cry.

“Our family means that.” Brian smile, tapping softly Roger’s knee.

John looked to them, and he smiled fondly thinking ogf how lucky he was to have those three men on his life.

“Even that I’d love to see you all kissing each other, can we please start working?” asked Jim Beach, with a playful smile, calling them to the next room.

☆

Roger said they didn’t have to, but John insisted that the band should help the drummer with a song he’s doing, to see if it could be on their next album or if it’s for Roger’s solo album – every song that Roger wrote that it didn’t fit with Queen went to the solo album pile. And for some reason John wanted their meeting was at Roger’s mansion.

“Dominique is here today.” warned Roger when they arrived.

“That’s okay. I need to be used to her, until we finally find the photo.” Shrugged John, casually.

“Hi, boys.” Dominique showed up in the stairs, with a bright smile when she came closer to them, a hand resting on her still unnotable belly. “Come inside.”

Freddie and Brian looked to each other when John just smiled to the woman, get inside the mansion he once lived like it’s nothing. Like in ten days he didn’t have a breakdown in the living room.

“I was about to make some tea to drink with a cake.” commented Dominique, while Roger wraps his arm around his waist.

“So do you bake? I didn’t know.” John said in a really light tone. Roger frowned.

“I make a decent cake.” the brunette smiled, trying to be modest.

“Don’t be coy. Your cake is amazing, Dom.” Roger got along, not knowing why he’d praise her, but doing anyways.

The woman gave a peck on Roger’s lips, and Brian looked quickly to John, who didn’t even blink with the scene, remaining with the smile on his face. Dominique cleansed the lipstick on Roger’s lips, and said she needed to start the baking, letting the men alone in the living room.

“Okay, that was odd.” commented Brian, in a low tone.

“Should I be worried that you can try to poison her?” asked Roger, half amused, half disturbed.

“No funny! She’s pregnant!” John snapped the drummer’s shoulder. “We need to pretend, so I’m pretending.” 

So Roger call the bandmates to go to the mini studio he buildt in the house, to finally startto work, John saying that he would drink a glass of water first, but say to they keep going. 

When John went to the kitchen, Dominique was breaking some eggs to mix with the flour in a bowl. She’s humming a song while doing it, and John recognized as one of Roger’s: Drowse. He remembered helping Roger to harmonize it, even that the whole writing was from the blond.

Dominique saw John in the door, looking a bit shy for interrupting her. “Hi, John. What can I help you?” her smile was warm enough to John almost forget all the terrible things she did and still do with him.

But he wouldn’t never forget.

“Just a glass of water. Keep what you’re doing.” said John, opening the refrigerator to grab a bottle.

“No. John, I think it’s time for us to talk.” Dominique rested the bowl in the kitchen table, cleaning her hands in the small apron she’s wearing. “Now that you and Roger are friends again, I guess we have to discuss too.”

“We don’t need to, Dominique.” John waved to her. “He chose you over me. Simple as that.”

“Yeah, he did. But you’re still around.”

“I won’t try anything. Besides all, we’re bandmates first, and we need to work peacefully, at least. In fact, Jim said that next week the papers of the my part of the house is ready, so this mansion will be fully yours.”

“Good.” and Dominique’s hand felt to her belly. “I want that my son grow up here, close to his father.” The brunette tilted her head, like she’s analyzing the man. “Do you still have any anger about me?”

“No anymore.”

“And for Roger? Do you still love him?”

How dare she to ask something like that to John.

John gave a short pause before he say “He’s my mate. That’s all.”

Dominique turned again to her baking and John drank the water, leaving the room without say another word. 

When John got in Roger’s studio, he, Freddie and Brian were so excited about the drummer’s song, chatting about the adds in the guitar riff and how the bass would be more loud in the chorus, and they didn’t notice John’s presence until the brunet cof.

“Deaky, we’re just talking about the song. You’re gonna love-” Roger was smiling, but John cut him.

“Rog, you said you’re already decorating the baby’s room. Can you show us?” 

The blond imagined John’d never want to see the room, but it seemed he’s wrong. “Okay, then.”

They went upstairs, Roger talking about the appointment he was with Dominique. He didn’t know if he should show how excited he was to be a father to John, but he already thought on some names, debating with the brunette about it. They were very keen with the name Felix – because Roger strongly believed it’s a boy – but they could change anytime.

John can’t be jealous of the baby. It’s Roger’s future child, so it doesn’t matter Dominique is the other half of the DNA, he’d accept and love the kid eitherway. And he really hoped when the baby could already walk and talk this nightmare they’re being through was over.

Freddie and Brian was talking some steps forward John and Roger, and just when the bass player and the drummer reached the blond’s bedroom, John pushed him inside and locked them up.

“What are you doing, John?” Roger asked, frighten, when John tossed him against the door.

“I’ll suck you off.” John announced, already putting down Roger’s shorts.

“Dominique can get here in any minute!” warned the older one, even that his warning got a little less scary when John put his hand over his pants and brushed against the fabric, Roger meowing with the touch.

“I want to make you know you’re mine. Only mine.” John whispered, seconds before he got down on his knees, his hands uncovering Roger’s cock.

John knew the danger of he’s doing – putting his mouth on Roger, slowly sucking his cock until it’s entirely inside him – in the same roof Dominique was, but he couldn’t handle after what the woman said. And all the lies he said on her face.

The blond wanted so much to worry like he was a minute ago, but John was moving his mouth so daftly, his tongue wetting his cock while the brunet hummed, enjoying the blowjob; he always liked to give pleasure to his lover, and now, watching Roger holding his head and trying to not moan, his whole body shaking with the attempt, John knew he’s in the game again.

The bass player used all the tricks he knew he’d make Roger come quickly, using all at once: sucking strongly, curlying his tongue on the head, squeezing Roger’s bum and staring in his eyes. Roger’s legs got jelly when he shot on John’s mouth, muffling his mouth to make sure he wouldn’t scream. John still sucked him until every drop was given to him, swallowing with pride.

“You’ll kill me someday.” Smiled Roger, still seeing stars.

“Gladly.” John kissed him, his lips still salty. “I wanted to make you feel good, in the room you sleep with her.”

“So this was because you’re trying to make a point?” giggled Roger.

“Maybe.” John leaned in, brushing his nose against Roger’s. Green meeting blue again, the brunet said “I’m yours and you are mine.”

“If you say so.” Roger touched his index finger on John’s jawline.

After a couple of minutes they went out the room, and they found Freddie and Brian in the hall, the front man pissed and with his arms crossed.

“I don’t know who had this idiot idea, but you can’t blow our chance to take the photo, which means Dominique can’t even imagine you’re fucking again. So keep you both on your pants!” Freddie gave this speech in a really low tone, but still upset as hell.

“I’m sorry.” John apologized.

But when Brian and Freddie passed for them, going downstairs again, Roger smirked and whispered on his lover’s ear “I know you’re not.”

 


	29. Hard fight

John needed to call Miami. Since the day Roger talked about buying John’s part of the mansion, the brunet never had to think about it. Actually he kinda forgot about it. But now that Dominique brought that up again, and he lied that the papers were already made, the bass player had to hush the things up. And that means make Queen manager/lawyer to try to make the document in the middle of the night.

“I didn’t sleep because of you, John, so if I faint in the middle of the meeting is your fault.” said the man, drinking a black coffee.

“You’re a life savior.” Praised the brunet, kissing his cheek.

When Roger came to the studio, John told him about the contract they needed to sign. 

“But why all this? When we find the pics you can go back to there.” Roger pointed, litting a cigarrete.

“Me, going back to that mansion after everything I passed? No, sir.” The bassist crossed his arms, decided. “I’ll see Dom’s face everywhere.”

“If you two don’t mind” pronuncied Miami. “I think Dominique should come to see the signing. I could use my skills to help you to find the photos. I mean, a woman like that, she probably went to a bank or has a safe somewhere to hide the photo.”

Roger and John looked to his friend, stunned. How they never thought of that? Plus Jim was one of the most smart people they knew. The lawyer just smiled coyly.

“It’d be really helpful, Jim.” Said John, impressed.

“I’ll call her, and we start the meeting before the signing, alright?” asked Roger, receiving a nod from John.

Their ‘friendship’ was back a few days, so Dominique was still being a bit protective with John around, even after their talk. So they were ligering the album and the music videos making to have more time for be together. Now that Dominique was too busy focused on buying the baby stuff, she didn’t come to the studio, so there was a safe place to be themselves.

Besides the incident in Roger’s house, John tried to be more careful about them, so secret meetings were off the table until now and only Roger could call him when Dominique was outside the house. The adrenaline was different this time; when they had the affair while John was still married with Veronica, they both felt, under all the feeling they shared, shame and guilt for mischieving the woman. But for Dominique they didn’t feel any bad feeling for being fooling her.

She deserved it. And for Roger wasn’t a real cheating, because they weren’t really dating.

“She said she’ll be here in half a hour.” Roger said, hunging off the studio phone.

The door opened, showing Freddie drinking a bottle of beer and smiling. “Hi, darlings. What’s today’s drama?”

“Nothing.” John holded Roger’s hands and while Freddie walked inside the studio they’re making the way out. “We have twenty-five minutes.”

“You two look like bunnies!” exclamed the front man, but Roger only smirked, blinking to him, with no shame.

☆

They only needed twenty.

Right now they’re in the middle of the resting room, naked, Roger in John’s lap, both still sweaty and gasping after the amazing sex they just made. They knew someday could enjoy the perks of lazy sex making, but with tight schedules now they used all they had to give a good time to the other.

The blond was plainting little pecks in John’s face, caressing his hair in the process, the brunet smiling with the display of affection.

“How beautiful you are, Deaky.” Claimed Roger, and John looked to his eyes. “I don’t know how I lived all these years without you.”

“Cheesy as always.” Teased John, and he leaned again to kiss Roger.

Kissing Roger was always a bliss, but now they passed throught all that the feeling was different. John took a moment to enjoy every motion, every taste he felt when his lips were on the drummer’s. He could feel the blood running fast of excitment when he took Roger’s mouth to himself, their tongues touching, the biting and sucking just getting more pleasant than ever.

For Roger was like exploring John in new ways. Having him on his arms, skin against akin, was a road he wanted to find one more time, and now the reality was there, in front of him, he could search how to please his lover. If once he could battle for dominance in the kiss, for prove a point, today the only thing he wanted to prove was the flavour of John’s lips on his own.

“John, I was wondering.” Roger continued, after the kiss. “Where are we?”

“What do you mean?” John’s confused now.

“Are we in the same place we were when we broke up? I mean, I proposed you to marry me before all this shit happen.”

John actually didn’t think of that. The blond indeed asked him to be his husband one day before they broke up because the blackmailing thing. But now they’re together (ish) and they had to know if they were in the same page.

The brunet looked to Roger, who’s staring back at him, expecting his answer. There’s always something pretty on the way the drummer looked at John when he’s nervous; his blue eyes got more sparkly.

“Do you still want this? It’s the same ol’ Deaky, that one who gets grumpy at home when Brian piss me off and whines about have a holiday everytime things get complicated.” Clarifyed the brunet.

Roger just laughed, amused. “Nice try, John. Yes, I still want to put a ring on this finger.” The drummer raised John’s hand.

“Than yes, we’ll marry.” John showed a passionate smile, and then he looked to his watch wrapped on the pulse Roger’s holding. “But to this we need to Dominique not suspect on us. She must be close.”

Already dressed, they went back to the studio, where Freddie, Brian and Miami were waiting for them, and they looked anxious.

“Hi, love birds. Did you have a good time?” Freddie teased, Brian whining ‘I don’t wanna know this!’ in the next second.

“I always have with Deaky.” Roger grabbed the brunet’s hand.

“The witch is here.” warned Phoebe, in a conspirancy tone.

The boys sat in the couch, Brian being between them, and in some seconds Dominique opened the doors, a bright smile on her face, happy as always.

Nonsense to say, but pregnancy did very well to Dominique. The woman was more gorgeous than before, and if he didn’t know how bad she was Brian’d feel something for her, wearing a short that showed much her legs. An unwarned passanger could fall for her.

“Good morning, boys.” greated the brunette, waving her hand, and got closer to the drummer. “Hi, babe.” 

John saw pretty close the brunette kissing the love of his life, looking like she’s enjoying very much the taste. And he held the laugh when he reminded where Roger’s mouth was some minutes ago.

He took a deep breath. John couldn’t wait to see Dominique’s face when she find out that she’s the one being deluded.

Because unfortunally he wouldn’t have the hopes to have her away from their lives. Damn pregnancy.

And, when it seemed like ages, the woman stepped back, still smiling. “I can’t believe the mansion will be totally ours, Rog.”

“That’s a dream coming true, right?” smirked Roger, using all his acting skills to look excited.

“So let’s do this, folks?” called Jim, getting their attention.

John and Roger stood up, Dominique getting in the middle of them and holding Roger’s arm. Miami explained everything to them, about numbers and that after the signing still would take some days to the contract being validated. He played his part pretty well.

“Is everything clear? After the signing there’s no turning back, guys.” Jim looked to the two parts.

“Got it. Give me the pen, please.” Roger just extended his hand, and the lawyer handed the pen to the drummer.

Roger signed quickly. John was right, after all that happened there, the blond couldn’t be there when they find the picture and be free again. There’s a lot of happy memories in that place, of course, but a lot of painful ones.

After the drummer signed he handed the pen to John, but he didn’t grabbed. “Right.” John just turned around and walked to the other side, backwards Dominique and Roger. When John was behind the blond, he let one of his hands touch Roger’s bum, sliding it during his walk.

Roger needed to use all his strength to not let Dominique notice anything. Freddie was drinking tea and almost choked when he saw the scene, and Brian held his breath, widing his eyes. John did his best to not smirk with all this.

“Okay.” He just said, now in Roger’s right, grabbing the pen and inclining against the table to sign the contract.

Never happened, so Dominique didn’t see anything.

When John did his sign, he announced “So the mansion is fully yours, Taylor.” and, straighten up again, he clapped the blond’s back. “Well done.”

“Thanks.” Roger smiled.

“I sugest that after the contract get sealed you and Dominique find a place to keep it. In these days no one let the house contract at home.” Pointed Jim. “There’s a bank you trust enough, Dominique? If you want to, I can call it to let them warned about it.”

Anyone in the room didn’t dare to breath.

“Of course. Let me write my bank manager number for you.” Dominique said.

Dominique wrote the number and the manager’s name. She said goodbye to everyone, with a big smile on her face, and asked Roger to go with her to the car.

John waited some seconds after the couple left the studio to go to Jim. “Do you think this is gonna work?”

“I know this guy, and the bank.” Jim said, firmly. “I can asked him tomorrow.”

“Is this nightmare be over soon?” John’s eyes glowed with hope.

“With some luck, yes.”

The door was opened, and Roger showed up again with a disgusted face. “I need another sex round with you again, John.”

 


	30. Reason for living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tears because I'm finishing the writing of this piece #TheWriterIsHeartbroken

Since Roger and John got along again, the brunet never visited Veronica. He got really excited to tell her the news, and to see Robert again.

“What?” Veronica was shocked, stopping the house cleaning after the news. “Dom was doing what?”

John thought it was weird to see Veronica calling the other woman by a nickname, but he let it slide. “And now we’re living in the clandestiny. Again.”

“At least now you know about everything,” Veronica commented as she restarted her task. “And how are you two?”

“It’s still weird, you know. It’s like we’re far away, even if we’re not.”

“You need to be careful. She’s a smart woman.” And after seeing John frowning at her, she added “She must be, to sustain this blackmailing after all this time.”

“You’re right.” John groaned, frustrated. “God, I hate that woman! I wish she never crossed our lives.”

Veronica got silent, cleaning the couch, and then giving him a guilty smile, she commented “And it’s kinda my fault.”

“How this could be your fault?”

“Roger met her when he had dinner with us. So if I didn’t piss him off, he wouldn’t have left earlier and gone to a pub and met her.”

They shared a long look. John couldn’t blame Veronica for this. He never believed in destiny, fate and all that bullshit – he was a science guy, after all – but he couldn’t blame her for this. “We wouldn’t know, Veronica.”

Veronica just shrugged.

After the cleaning, she invited John to have lunch with her, and went to the bedroom to catch Robert, who usually napped until lunch time. When she came back downstairs, John saw a happy boy in her arms, and he smiled brightly, opening his arms to hold him.

“Hi, Rob. I missed you so much.” He said, kissing his son’s head many times. “I hope you never grow up, so you don’t need to deal with crazy adult stuff.”

Veronica and John ate and chatted, the brunet feeding his son, letting Veronica rest a bit. She said she liked someone, but even that John tried to have the name of the lucky person she didn’t say. But Veronica looked sad, so the bass player thought it was one-sided.

Dumb person. Veronica was an amazing woman and could make anyone happy.

“John, I was wondering...” She began, during lunch. “You said that Dominique is still worried about you being close, right?”

“Yeah.” John replied, while he’s cleaning Robert’s mouth with a baby towel.

“So you should date someone.” This made John look up at her again. “Like a fake date, you know? To make her believe you’re over Roger.”

“Okay, but who could possibly date me? The person should know about everything. And I can’t risk having a Dominique into my life.”

“I could date you.”

John laughed at the thought. “Right.” But then he saw that Veronica didn’t laugh with him. “Oh, you’re serious.” He rested the spoon on Rob’s plate.

“Of course I am. I said I wanted to help you, so that’s my way to help.”

“And you’d be okay with this?” the brunet asked, raising his eyebrows. “Because, you know, we have a story.”

Veronica giggled, rolling her eyes. “John, I just said to you I’m starting to like someone else. I’m already over you.”

“Ouch.”

“Oh, shut up.”

They laughed at that. No one would believe, if they saw this scene, they were a divorced couple. They looked like friends, and now they really were.

“Call Roger and Dominique and ask them to have dinner with us. I’ll ask my mom to stay with Robert,” said Veronica.

☆

John called the mansion. Fortunately, Roger picked up and he explained everything, the drummer laughing at Veronica’s move. He said he’d talk with Dominique and they could have dinner that same day.

When John picked Veronica at her house, the woman showed up in a beautiful dress, making her short hair look more gracious. He understood why she enchanted her, years and years ago, even though her beauty wasn’t enough and he fell for another person.

“You’re really pretty today, Veronica. Trying to make someone fall for you tonight?” Teased the brunet.

“Who knows?” She smirked, a mysterious tone on her voice.

On the way to the mansion, they talked to align their story: how they got back together, how long they’ve been dating again and other little things they could be asked about. John was kinda expecting Dominique to buy the story so easily, so they needed to be prepared.

When they arrived to the place, the bass player took a deep breath. Veronica felt he was nervous and she took his hand. “We can do this.”

John nodded. They could do this.

They got out the car and walked to the front door, pressing the doorbell. They held each other’s hand seconds before someone opened the door.

Roger looked at them, his eyes lowering a bit to see their hands together, an amused look in his eyes. “Welcome, guys.”

“Where’s Dominique?” asked Veronica.

"In the kitchen, just watching the roast so it won’t overcook.”

Maybe she heard her name being said, because Dominique came from the kitchen, as dressed up as Veronica. John could feel Veronica being a bit uncomfortable, but he didn’t say anything. The brunette walked to them, and grabbed Roger’s hand when she said “Welcome to our house. Veronica, you look...wow. So pretty.”

“Er, thanks. You too.” Veronica said, in a low tone. Like she was embarrassed.

John and Veronica walked to the couch and sat down. Veronica never took a good look at the place – her visits there were always hushed – and she could see John’s taste here and there.

“Let’s drink a glass of wine? We have a good one here.” Invited Roger.

“Do this, babe, while I check the roast again. It’s almost ready.” Dominique said, moving away from him.

“Can I come with you?” Veronica saw the other three people in the room turn look to her. “I can help you with something.”

Dominique silently nodded, just turning around and going to the kitchen, Veronica following her. Roger questioned John with a look, but the brunet just shrugged.

The drummer took some steps closer to the other man, and let his hand brush against his, biting his own lip, happy to see John. The days when they weren’t at the studio were the longest. “I wish I could kiss you.” Whispered Roger.

“Me too.” John whispered back.

“Ugh, it’s worse when you’re close. Did you come here being this hot just to make me suffer?”

“It wasn’t the intention, but I’m glad you like it.”

Roger inclined forward, to grab the bottle of wine from the table, and his lips got very close to John’s. The brunet’s eyes saw a smirk on the blond’s lips, and he needed to hold the urge to kiss Roger; Dominique could appear at any second and being with swollen lips wouldn’t help in their cause.

“Stop teasing me.” ordered John.

“But it’s too good to not do it,” joked the drummer.

Roger opened the bottle in the same instant Dominique and Veronica came back again to the living room. Both men felt something odd between them, but Veronica just smiled when John looked at her. She sat next to him, while Dominique sat next to Queen’s drummer.

He filled four glasses with wine, handing them to the other three, and they did a cheer together.

“So, guys, you’re back together. How nice.” commented Dominique, before she took a sip of wine. “How did it happen?”

“Oh, you know. Old same history.” John smiled politely. “I came back to my senses and saw that I was dumb and begged Veronica to take me back.

“Really? But you never said me anything.”

“You never asked me about it.” John looked at Veronica and caressed her cheek. “She’s too good for me.”

“Oh, stop it, John.” Veronica blushed, and then he looked to the other couple. “I just needed to be brave enough to accept my feelings. Sometimes a person needs to have courage to step up and say what they want.”

Roger nodded, thinking the speech was a little odd. Dominique drank a large sip of her wine.

“But are you sure about this, John?” asked Dominique, staring straight to the brunet, too firmly to scare him a little. “I mean, I don’t want to see you using her just to muffle your feelings for someone else.”

“Ok, Dominique, not more wine for you.” Roger took the glass off the brunette’s hand, giggling.

“Oh, don’t misunderstand me, John. I’m so happy for you two.” Dominique showed a sloopy smile. “You with Veronica, me with Roger. It’s like everything is on the right place, you know?”

John found strength God knows where to smile at her back.

“I guess our dinner is ready,” sang the brunette, standing up one more time. The phone rang, but she was already going to the kitchen again. “Answer the phone for me, Rog.”

Roger would’ve answered anyway; he was waiting for a call from Miami. The blond practically fled to the phone, answering quickly.

John and Veronica saw Roger’s face running from excitement to sadness and then to anger. He said goodbye to whoever was calling and hung up the phone.

“There’s no register of her in the bank.” Announced Roger, pissed.

“The roast looks delicious, guys.” Smiled Dominique, and Roger, John and Veronica only had seconds until Dominique turned around and see them look happy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just read between the lines, guys.


	31. To trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late, but hello Jim :)

A couple of months passed without any big change: Dominique was still hunting John’s dreams, the Queen members were trying to think of a way to find the picture, Roger and John were lingering the album release so they could have an excuse to see each other and fuck themselves.

The only big changes were that Dominique’s belly got more noticeable and Veronica was more around, as the ally the couple of lovers needed to cover them.

She was always with Robert and the boy finally had his first walk without falling straight to Roger’s arms. The drummer got a little emotional with the boy’s choice, thinking about his own son doing the same with him, hopefully.

Freddie called the band to meet his new boyfriend, Jim Hutton. They met just months ago, in a weird situation, but now they found each other again and Jim gave a chance to Freddie to show he was more than the Queen frontman.

Roger waited for his friend to go call his boyfriend so he could take John to Freddie’s homeoffice and close the door, to enjoy properly some time with the bass player.

“It amazes me how every time your kisses taste better than before.” Roger smirked when his lips were an inch from John’s. He still had the brunet wrapped with his hands on his waist.

“You’re sappy,” John commented, amused.

“You made me be this way.”

“Veronica said you’re ‘too sugary for your own good.’” John giggled, cupping Roger’s face.

“Did she?”

And John saw something: Roger’s eyes fell to the ground, the drummer’s cheeks flushed. That only happened when a thought passed through the man’s mind and he felt embarrassed about it.

“Roger, what’s going on?” John asked, curious.

“Nothing.” His voice, usually so confident, was now a shy whisper.

“Drop it. I know you’re hiding something from me. Tell me, babe.”

“I don’t want to. You will say I’m stupid.” The blond pouted, making Joe peck his lower lip.

“I only will say if you’re being stupid.”

“Remember me why I love you.”

John kissed him again, passionately, his hands grabbing a portion of Roger’s hair, his whole body moving to show the display of affection. And as fast as the kiss began, it finished.

“Ok. Good point, though.” Roger gasped, a bit fuzzy. John smiled. “Anyway...Please, don’t kill me, but I’m a bit jealous at how you and Veronica are so...comfortable around each other.”

John’s chin dropped. He could never have imagined Roger would’ve be jealous of John and Veronica, after all they went through.

“I know, it’s stupid.” Roger started to play with a button of John’s shirt. “I guess Dom talking about it at that awful dinner got it stuck on my head.” 

“It’s stupid.” The bass player saw Roger rolling his eyes. “But I get it. She’s my ex-wife and the mother of my son. But she’s not you.” John put a hand on the blond’s chin, to make him look at him in the eye. “You are the love of my life, Roger, and if I didn’t fall for Veronica before I won’t fall now.”

Roger blushed, but he smiled eitherway.

“And I’m where I always wanted to be since I got divorced from Veronica, being friends with her.” John’s tone was firm, to make Roger know he wouldn’t let the woman walk out of his life. “I never wanted her away, and me and her being friends is the best for Rob, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry for being childish.” Roger gave him an apologetic smile.

A quick knock at the door made them tear apart, only a moment after the door opened, revealing Brian’s head. “Come on, mates. The man is here.”

“What we think about him?” Asked John, before getting out the room. “Freddie doesn’t have the best taste for partners.”

“I don’t know.” Roger sounded thoughtful. “I have a good hunch about this one.”

When Freddie introduced Jim to his bandmates he didn’t stop talking about the Irish man, that loves gardening and already inspired the musician for a song, that Freddie said it was material- worthy for the next album.

The five men were drinking tea when Freddie, suddenly, turned to his boyfriend and said, “Dear Jim, answer me. Do you remember I told you about a couple of friends of mine were blackmailed?”

John choked on his own tea and Roger’s heart stopped.

“Yes, I do.” Jim smiled coyly.

“So...” Freddie winked to the rhythm section. “We’re having trouble to find the photo. Where do you think this awful person could hide the photo that we haven’t looked yet?”

“I will kill Freddie and you will help me bury his body.” John moved his lips fastly enough making Roger jump at his voice.

“You just need to find a key at their bag.” This made everyone in the room look at Jim. The man got shy and murmured “It must exist a key. Where there’s a key there’s a location.”

“Aw, you’re so smart.” Freddie clapped happily and kissed his boyfriend. “Let me refill your cup.” And with that, the singer went to the kitchen.

John couldn’t go back home without being sure about one thing. “So, Jim, how much Freddie told you about this?”

“Not much,” answered the irish man. “Actually he was too nervous during our first date and he started to talk about this, so I think he just made it up.” He shrugged.

John looked at Roger, both feeling a bit more relieved. Freddie’s life could be spred then.

Jim said he needed to go to the bathroom as Freddie came back from the kitchen. He saw the bass player and the drummer staring at him. “What?”

“They were this close to end your life, mate,” pointed Brian.

“You talked about our story with your new boyfriend, Freddie.” Even in that low tone the frontman could sense John’s madness. “After all this you can’t joke about it.”

“How dare you to think I’d joke about that, John?” Freddie dramatically sat on his couch, placing his hand over his own chest. “I just asked because I really wanted his opinion. But I never said names or even the people’s genders, so he can’t associate this story with you two. And now you, blondie, have another trace to follow.”

Roger smiled. They couldn’t actually be mad at this man.

 


	32. Two

The Queen bass player was so excited to know about Dominique that he was scared, but it was for a good cause. The baby was now big enough for the doctor know their gender, and Roger had called him the previous night to tell him about the appointment.

It was weird how thrilled he was to know about a person he didn’t know the face yet. They didn’t even have a name, but John already wanted to be around the kid, and he really hoped he could help Roger to raise them and, as the blond said last night (and made John’s heart melt), ‘you’ll be a father of two now, because I feel Rob is my kid too.’

And maybe Roger speech made John want to do something stupid, like show up in the hospital he and Dominique would be doing the ultrasound in. But the need to stay close to Roger and the curiosity of knowing the gender of the baby couldn’t let him wait at the hotel. He didn’t call Freddie or Brian or Veronica, or else they’d tell him to stay at home.

But he didn’t expect to see Veronica at the same hospital. When he found the floor where the exams were made, he saw her standing in a corner, a magazine covering half of her face. But he knew her long enough to recognize the woman everywhere.

“Veronica?” called John, walking close to her, and he saw Veronica’s cheeks getting red.

“Hi, John.” Veronica gave him a nervous smile.

“What are you doing here?” and he looked around. “And where’s Robert?”

“Oh, my mom is in town, so I asked her to watch him a bit.”

They both did the same action at the same time: they looked around, watching if anyone was noticing them, but the pair was still unnoticed by the rest of the people on that floor.

“Yeah, but why are you here?” asked again the brunet, curious.

Veronica bit her own lip, insecure, but when she saw John putting his hands on his hips, waiting, she gave up. “I’m here to see the person I like.”

John’s first thought was to recriminate her to let her son to see some man that didn’t even like her back, but then he remembered that before a mother she’s also a woman, with desires and needs. So he just exclaimed “Oh. Okay.” John pointed the chairs next to them, and both sat down. “So he’s a doctor? A nurse?”

“Y-Yeah. A doctor.” Veronica nodded many times. “We met at high school and met up again few weeks ago. He works here.”

“Can you show me him?” smiled John, excited to see Veronica moving on.

“I’m waiting to see him too. Maybe he’s in an appointment.” The woman suddenly stood up. “I guess I should go. Maybe he’s not even here today.”

“Veronica, wait.”

“John? Veronica?”

They looked aside and saw Dominique looked at them, with a puzzled face. Roger was a little behind her and he looked terrifying. What the hell was Deakys doing there?

“Oh, hi, Dominique.” John waved. He could be shaking on the inside, but on the outside he’s politely smiling and holding Veronica’s hand tight.

Dominique and Roger walked to them, the brunette caressing her belly automatically. “What are you two doing here?”

The bass player really wanted to say that wasn’t her business, but he just sucked it off and in a soft voice he replied “Veronica wasn’t feeling well and we’re looking which floor is made the blood exams.”

“And what are you two doing here?” asked Veronica, trying to playing cool too.

“Oh. We were here to see the baby’s sex.” answered Roger, smiling, like the other two didn’t know already.

“Big news, hun?” for some reason John was nervous. “So...Boy or girl?”

Roger acted so right: he looked to Dominique, pretty excited, with a proud smile, and he looked back to John and Veronica. “A boy.”

“Well, congratulations! Oh, a boy!” Veronica shouted, grabbing Dominique’s hands and squeezed, and soon she was kissing her cheeks.

“Oh, thanks, Veronica.” Dominique blushed, and after some seconds she looked at Roger. “I’m really excited to have my Felix on my arms already.”

John said he needed to go to the bathroom, and when he’s around the corner he saw Roger going at the same way.

He just needed to wait some seconds to Roger reach the bathroom too, and he used the time to verify if there’s anyone there. They’d be alone. So when Roger passed throught the door the closed it John just smiled and kissed him.

A kiss to celebrate the news and to vanish – at least a bit – the terrible feeling of not being together everyday. While he felt Roger’s lips sucking his, John was at home. Every second of savoring his taste was a bliss, and when they didn’t find air on his lungs they took backwards, but the smiles stayed on.

“A boy.” Gasped John.

“We will have a couple of boys.” Breathed Roger. “I bet Rob will be a great big brother.”

“Why are you like this?” John scanned his lover’s face. “Sometimes you’re too good to be real, you know that?”

“Oh, shut up and give me a kiss.”

But even that he wanted to, John stopped the motion and said “No, we can’t. We’re waiting too much. It’s getting suspicious.”

“By the way, what are you thinking of coming here, John? Veronica looks fine to me.”

The brunet showed a guilty face when he murmured “I just wanted to see the first person after you two to know the baby’s sex.”

“Of course you do.” Roger shook his head, amused. “I will call you later.”

“Okay.”

When John came out of the bathroom and found Veronica again, the new parents were gone, and the woman was still sitting in the same spot.

“Did she ask you something?” John questioned.

“Just if we’re really together.” Veronica didn’t look at him. She seemed unhappy.

“Did you not see what you wanted to see here?” John stayed in front of her, and she just shook her head. The man leaned and kissed her forehead. “Sorry.”

She shrugged. “That’s life. Let’s get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more left

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment what you think, I appreciate a lot :)  
> 


End file.
